Not all guys are jerks

[thecd1979]

When the typical "nice" guy gets shot down a common recourse for many of them is to blame it on the guys that they consider jerks and assholes, saying things like "Nobody likes a nice guy like me" or "I need to become and asshole to get women" or "woman only like jerks" The truth of the matter is that most of the.

Guys, they get dumped for really aren't jerks at all. A problem with "nice" guy is that they tend to think that having a spine and acting like a man means being a jerk.

Now don't get me wrong, their are guys out there that truly are good for nothing assholes. They verbally and sometimes even physically abuse their woman. They lie, cheat, and are masters at manipulating a woman to get what they want. That's something the woman will eventually need to make the decision on her own to walk away from, when and if the day comes that she develops the self esteem to do so. I am not referring to those kind of guys on here, that will be another take.

The main things that DO NOT make a guy a jerk that "nice" guys often say that do are:

Choosing to hang out with his freinds or have personal time over her - A "nice" guy is almost always under the impression that he needs to spend every possible moment with a woman that would be his significant other. They often will drop what ever plans they might have already had to see her and almost always cut off all contact with his friends once he has a girlfriend. It comes as no surprise that this guy will look at a guy that still makes time to hang out with his buddies, do guy things and personal interests as neglecting her and being an asshole. There is nothing wrong with him hanging with his buddies or making the time for his hobbies or personal interests.

It means he has a life of his own which is a big part of what makes him interesting and attractive to the woman he is with. It's not healthy and gets annoying real quick to any woman when the "nice" guy wants to be up her butt 24/7. A good relationship will be a good balance of time toghether and personal time for both partners.

Disagreeing with her - A "nice" guy often will place women on a pedestal and think they are not capable of doing or saying anything wrong. A nice guy that is insecure and lacks confidence will agree with whatever she says, even if he really doesn't agree with her because he is to afraid of offending her and running her off. He will view the guys that dare to disagree with her as being assholes, because as far as he is concerned she is a godess that can do no wrong.

She is a human being. She puts on her pants like everyone other human being does. She shits in a toilet and pees like everyone else does, she is not above having someone disagree with her. The guy that is not afraid to disagree with her is not a jerk or an asshole, he is his own man, with his own beleifs, who is confident and secure enough in himself to look someone in the eye and disagree with them. It's called being a man and not a jerk.

Becoming upset or dissapointed with her - This goes hand in hand with disagreeing with her. A guy is not a jerk because he gets upset and shows disapointment with her. She is human, she will make mistakes and there will be some dissapointments. It's not going to always be sunshine and rainbows like the "nice" guys think it's supposed to be.

A real man will not be afraid to speak his mind and let his partner know if something is bothering him or if he doesn't approve of something she did. Once again this is called being a man that is confident, not a jerk.

To sum it all up, if the shoe fits wear it, if not then what I have to say here should not bother you. I can imagine I will get some nasty replies from those of you who don't like what your hearing and don't want to accept that your actions and behaviors may be to blame for your lack of success with women.

I say take your best shot if that's where you want to go. It's not going to change anything. I am writing what I am writing to try and reach out to and help as many guys as I can because I used to be that kind of guy. I learned the hard way as many of you most likely will, but if I can set just one or two guys straight on here then I know what I am doing on here is worth it.

[JoshyJames]

Good take but just to add I think some guys just get fed up with hitting a brick wall everytime they ask a girl out and they just don't know why and then they here the same girls complain about how annoying their boyfriend is yet they still are in love with him. so that just triggers the idea that maybe if I am an asshole my luck could be better off, I have been there and I tried that I realised its a myth. Being an asshole I think makes the situation worse.

[Coffinspire]

I pretty much wrote a take almost identical to this one and got so much back lash it was insane! I guess you explained it better lol

I pretty much agreed with everything you said. Being a nice guy doesn't mean being a doormat.

[ManuelMarquez]

Being a doormat doesn't mean someone is an asshole.

[Coffinspire]

It does when they finally get mad about it.

[ManuelMarquez]

Mad about what?

[Coffinspire]

It was "biased" or "too much work"

[Coffinspire]

Wrong post lol
Like they'll get mad about how they're doing all this stuff without being asked and feel that they aren't getting enough recognition for it, and then explode.

[peachblossomluck]

Those couples who instist upon hanging around smothering the other and ignoring their friends, family, etc ... pretty controlling. Who wants to live like that? Clingy guys are not nice because insecurity brings out their dark sides.

[KäseChäe]

Great take. It's okay not to agree with your signifficant other. Makes it interesting. Door mats are no fun to be with, eventually they get so worn down that the emotion fades away.

[1GuyOpinion]

Good take. Overall, treat her like a human being and if she do stupid shit, call her out on it. She will respect you more.

[Anonymous]

Nobody said all guys are jerks, those nice guys are referring to guys that they know are players or guys that are just with a woman to use them for sex.