Guys with emotional baggage

[Anonymous]

Almost all of us have encountered someone with emotional baggage. Today, I am talking about guys with emotional baggage.

There baggage can come from anything. Ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, children, jobs, etc. Sometimes, there is more than one reason.Guys with emotional baggage are nothing but TROUBLE!

When you start hanging out with them, they are extremely sweet. They have their charms on, and you start believing that this guy can be 'the one'. I mean, a guy with whom you are totally compatible, a guy with whom you share so many interests, a guy who can listen to you ranting at 3 AM can be nothing less than perfection.

He is the epitome of patience, charm, kindness, care and helpfulness. Soon enough, you find yourself falling for him. But as soon as you both start getting a little close, the insecurities, fears and baggage of the guy surface. He begins distancing himself, turns moody and sometimes insult you as well. You wonder what happened to the guy who used to be so damn sweet.

As soon as guys with emotional baggage find you threatening, they will step back. They would rather wallow in self pity, cry over the past and just do drugs and alcohol instead of facing their problems.

We, girls, think that we did something wrong that the guy is behaving so distant. We think that we can FIX them. No, dearies! It's the classic case of: It's not YOU, it's HIM. Leave him!

The guy who used to be caring and helpful would now become mean and selfish. He won't think twice before dropping you like a hot potato. To be honest, many of these guys are narcissist.

Unless he doesn't have the motivation to bring his life on track, his life is only gonna ruin and that's all. Would you like to spend your entire life with someone who is not willing to face his problems? Who is not willing to improve himself? This guy is nothing but pessimist. Initially, the relationship might be like a fairytale, but soon enough, you will start feeling insecure and not good enough due to the way these guys would treat you. No matter how much love and care you give to them, you will never be able to be good enough for them. They don't want to accept anyone good in their life. You will end up crying over them but they won't care a bit. Toxic guys attract toxic girls.

Life is one. You deserve a happy life. Don't end up with a guy like him, hoping that you can change him. You are not his therapist. You need a guy who is at a equal mental level. Who is strong enough to face his problems and accept happiness. Who is not a pussy and run away as soon as you take a step forward.

Better stay away from dealing with someone's emotional baggage when they are not willing to fix themselves!

[Anonymous]

Thank you, I think I needed this. I used to be very into a guy who had (has) a lot of baggage. He was cheated on by his ex, a girl he could see himself marrying, and it hit him hard. I can't blame him, but he never got himself out of that hole. It's been years since it happened, and he still acts like it happened yesterday. Still says he can't see a future with anyone. Still only wants casual relationships (hookups) with girls. No commitment, no responsibility, nothing. Says he's too broken for anything. And I get that some people move on more slowly than others, but he really acts like he'll never be capable of loving anyone ever again. It's simply not something I can wrap my head around, since it comes off as a bit too melodramatic for me. At first I sympathized a lot with him. But now, as the years have gone by, I have started thinking "seriously dude, just move the fuck on already" more and more. A part of me feels horrible for it, but another part of me feels like he's simply not doing anything at all to get out of the hole.
Like you said, he started off like the perfect guy. But obviously, too perfect to be real. Soon enough, he started showing his true colors. He acted distant, made me do all the work, didn't bother to follow through with some plans (or even notify me that he couldn't be bothered or didn't have the time) and so on. I kept making up excuses for his behavior, his past being used as an excuse maaany times. But now I'm done making up excuses and accepting his behavior. I need to find a guy who's emotionally available.
Thank you.

[Bubblesi]

Yes. Let's throw people away like they are just things. Like you can choose with whom you will fall in love. Everbyody has shit. Anybody who thinks is without baggage is just fooling himself/herself. I DO agree that people must want to help themselves before they can be helped. I was lucky enough in my life to have one or two people who really cared about me and gave me sooo much when I needed it most. And you know what? I would readilly step in between a loaded gun and those people. Show me where else you can get that kind of loyalty.

[myTake Owner]

But some people just don't want to come out of their little shell of self pity. No matter how much you love or care for them, they will always insult you and consider those people above you who never gave a shit about them. I would have jumped in front of bullet for this guy but you know what? He never gave a shit about my friendship. He led me on and on and when he realised he can't handle the feelings, he abandoned me. Unless a guy doesn't want to get better himself, there's no hope. He will suck out your energy.

[Frost_Byt3]

This is 100% false. Sorry, but it is. As a guy with emotional baggage, i can tell you that this is wrong. I, and many other people like me (with emotional baggage) actually act the COMPLETE opposite of that. I am grateful for anyone that would show me love and affection, not resent them or distance myself. Infact I'd be soooo grateful, that i would be with them ALL of the time, being as sweet and caring as possible to relay them for how well they treated me- usually to the point where THEY are the ones to distance themselves from ME.

Any guy who would act like that as soon as the relationship began never had "emotional baggage" in the first place. He was just some loser who put on the nice guy act to get into a girls pants.

[myTake Owner]

Can I tell you something? I am the girl with an emotional baggage who acts exactly the same way you do. I can give my life to those who show me pure care and love.
I have written this article about the lost cause guys. They are unhappy with their life but always end up taking worst decisions. They prefer running away from not only themselves but all the people who care about them as well. And then whine about being lonely.

[Frost_Byt3]

Nope. The guys you re talking about don't have emotional baggage, they are hust jerks and losers who put on the nice guy act.

[myTake Owner]

Everyone has a different way of dealing with their baggages. Some become really kind and caring while other become jerks

[Silverware]

I agree with the "Take Owner". There are some guys that run from their problems and instead of making things better they make things worse for themselves. I was dating a guy that fits this take 100 percent. These guys are narcissists. Not all guys are like this, but some are...

[Hannah591]

A lot of people who have baggage are actively trying to "fix themselves" and lead a happier life. Some people have BIG baggage that you cannot simply forget or get over so I don't think the best thing to do is to completely ignore them or refuse to date them. It's not their fault that life has been unfair to them.

It's usually very obvious when someone has baggage. Guys who have female baggage are often very clingy or very distant, get quite aggravated if you fail to respond or don't meet the high expectations they've made up about you. I find they behave in unusual ways and seem to be on edge all the time but it's understandable. Guys with emotional baggage show that they are soft inside, that life does affect them, they don't act like they have no emotion, which is admirable in a guy.

[myTake Owner]

Some guys do act like they don't have emotions. Sometimes they have so much issues that they leave a person thinking that the person might get a chance to hurt them. Some become Big jerks who want to treat everyone on the basis of what someone else did

[Hannah591]

It's not their fault. I've changed entirely because of my "baggage" and I hate it but I can't help how I see the world and the people in it now. It changes you and there's no going back. I'm aware when I'm cold or when I'm being a bitch but I've come to accept that that's me now.

[myTake Owner]

But at least you would acknowledge the fact that one of your friends really care about you?

[Hannah591]

I can acknowledge it but depression comes in saying "hey, no-one gives a shit about you, people are friends with you because they feel sorry for you". One of my best friendships has become sour, probably because of my uncontrollable thought processes.

[LittleSally]

I dated one guy like this once. He was, despite of my encouragements to get better, to get his life on track, always so depressingly winey (weird that auto correct would underline this word as misspelled, even though it's in the dictionary hahahahaha... sorry, back on track) and pessimistic. I couldn't handle it any more. He wanted someone he could complain to and who would be there to soak up his bad energy, and I couldn't handle his bull anymore...

[myTake Owner]

And sometimes even when we are there for them, they disregard everything we do for them. They use us as their emotional tampons and then leave us to fuck other girls.

[LittleSally]

Maybe... I haven't had this last part happen to me... but the emotional tampon - yes.

[LuvFrmOneSide]

I think I'm that guy with emotional baggage.. I cared about her but she cheated on me.. Now, I know that I need to take all responsibility on my own shoulder.. I will face all problems, without taking anyone's support.. I don't need any girl in my life again..

[myTake Owner]

If you are giving up on girls, it will harm you only.

[JustinX9]

if you give up on girls man... then welcome to the club

[Mike1Corth13]

Leave him? That's not love. A dare a woman, if she is brave, to stay with a man like that. Fight for him, stand by him, and believe in him, because that is love. Really. We were all born to live for other people, not for ourselves.

[myTake Owner]

If only person is trying to make it happen, it won't work. The guy who can't find the motivation inside him will push away everyone who is trying to stand beside them.

[Mike1Corth13]

I guess that is how Beauty saw The Beast? She didn't leave him at the end though.

[myTake Owner]

But what will you do if someone gets addicted to drugs, refuse to talk to you or even see you, flurt around with other girls to forget everything that's wrong? How much can you force a person? :|

[myTake Owner]

Flirt*

[Mike1Corth13]

You can't force anyone. You can only lead them to what is right out of love. Did God refuse to abandon use because of our wickedness? No he crucified his very son and gave all our punishment to him. Now he gives us what we don't deserve, and holds back what we do. That is how we should treat others. Abandoning someone just because they have flaws is hypocritical, for if you are going to abandon other because of their faults than you should abandon yourself. Also, only God can change people, not a human person, we are to love people.

[myTake Owner]

There's a fine line between being with someone and letting them use as a doormat. As soon as you see that the person doesn't want to come out of his past--when he doesn't want to acknowledge your care--just let them be.

[Strider90]

I would say much here but I see others already did. Everything you say here is false.

[myTake Owner]

Not really.

[Chris011]

It applies to both genders.

[myTake Owner]

Yes. I does.

[SarahP]

Did you date the same guy I did? Lol

[myTake Owner]

Hahaha :D We are out of danger zone I guess :P