What on earth happened to chivalry?

Question

Why aren't people well mainly guys as polite as before, no one holds the door open for girls anymore, some guys can't even offer to help a girl with a heavy bag or whatever, the guys in my college are worse they can't even help a girl pick up a stupid pen ugh! I must say though I have encountered a few guys here and there who still do hold the door or offer a girl a seat but just a few.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Some of those things are just common courtesy (holding doors open for people, offering to help with heavy things). Other things seem like you have a bit too romantic of an idea about the treatment you'd like. If you drop a pen... pick it up. Why do you need help with that?

Chivalry used to be about much more than all this cliche gentlemanly behavior that people associate with it. It also used to imply not so much gentlemanly behavior, but a teamwork type of behavior. If you were married or in a relationship, you both supported each other and tried to make the other happy. That fell away with the push towards less gender roles in the 60's and 70's, but men didn't adapt quick enough (and some still haven't lol). So it became a lopsided arrangement that some women (including yourself, it seems) feel that men are supposed to do this or that, mostly for show.

It's ok to like these things in a partner, but don't go around expecting people to put their coat down in a puddle for you so you don't get your feet wet. I'm not sure what kind of people you're around but I've noticed that young people just don't really have it quite down in regards to proper behavior. They're a bit selfish among other things and don't realize when they're shooting themselves in the foot or burning bridges with people. Look at what roles models (or lack of) they have to follow the footsteps of, and that should show you why younger people leave a lot to be desired.

evenlift · Accepted Answer

You should help someone when it's in your self-interest to help. You shouldn't when it isn't.

I am generally willing to help people with small things almost without thinking about it, because good will is a value.

But, the notion of chivalry, the notion that men are there to serve women, is wrong and disgusting. Men shouldn't sacrifice to women, and women shouldn't sacrifice to men. People should co-operate with one another to mutual benefit.

I am glad that chivalry is dead or at least is dying.

Ananchor · Accepted Answer

Because chivalry is technically a code to follow in war...
But why aren't there many gentleman around these days?
They don't know how to be, no one has taught them to be. Or they think one woman wronged me, all women are terrible, I'm not going to be a gentleman anymore.
If every person on earth treated other people with the same concern, respect and kindness that they themselves what's to revieve the world would be a better place. And it goes for women as well. most women don't act like ladies.
"I met him at a bar, we had sex and he never called... I don't get it"
He's not a gentleman and she is not a lady.
You can't expect to be treated like a prize if you give it away. And men can't expect to be treated with any regard if they don't bother putting a real effort in getting to know a woman without broaching the subject of sex.
Don't get my wrong, there's nothing wrong with it, have sex with who and when you want, but if you have a one night stand you can't be upset when the other person doesn't call. If women want more men in the world they should start acting more like ladies and demand gentleman.

Monroe4799 · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't say it doesn't exist.. The times have changed... There are still some gentlemen out there!
It would be nice to see it more often... I also think "sometimes" it depends on how the woman represents herself (I have brothers I've seen them go all out of there way for woman that where classy yet slutty ones didn't even get a hint of that same treatment) it's a cruel world lol...
But also believe what you allow will continue my ex opened doors, payed for meals plus more for me all that! We had that understanding... But I also don't mind holding the door open for people footing the bill whatever... It's mannerism it's not always about gender roles. & if a man is doing those things I feel obligated to meet him half way. (& I do that proudly) Because I understand he doesn't have to do it! But yet he chooses too! it's my way of showing my appreciation for it!
Just my opinion...

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

I'm trying to figure out why men AND women are lost on manners, period. I'm carrying a handful of stuff and someone sees me and walks right through a door and doesn't hold it for me? Then again, not holding the lift for me when I catch up to them? They see me yet still scramble inside and leave me standing there. People are rude today. It's not about men doing chivalrous things that worries more than people being self-entitled twats who just go about their lives with no decency to think of the person next to them that could probably use three seconds of their lives to hold a damn door open. That goes for women too.

Mesonfielde · Answer

Because chivalry is just benevolent sexism, and people are growing out of it, of course. It is being overcome by "general courtesy".

You can also pick up your own pen, it's not that hard. Not more difficult than for a male.

kheserthorpe · Answer

I still tend to do those things, probably more now then when i was younger.

There are actually women who actively dislike it.

When you're young, it's not normal now, so if a guy did it, the girl would assume he was hitting on her , not being polite.

Phoenix98 · Answer

The main problem is people themselves the second problem is most people don't know what chivalry actually is or what is in it.

It's a code and respecting women is part of it, but only a small part, most of the code deals with honor and etiquette on and off the battlefield. And how you should act while in the presence of some people and in certain situations it is a code of honor, respect, etiquette and life.

And very few people follow the entire code, I do happen to follow it and shall always be a gentleman it's what I am. Wether people like it or not.

Words_and_Wisdom · Answer

Perhaps you should quit acting entitled and spoiled. Just because you have a vagina doesn't entitle you to the services of men.

Sure I would help out a woman if she needs, just like I would help anyone out. I open the door for men, women, and children. If a pen dropped by my foot that I noticed I'd pick it up. If I see someone has a lot of bags they're holding I'd offer to help. However, the persons gender doesn't matter to me.

And honestly, if you want those favors you should expect to return them.

AleDeEurope · Answer

Hey, you're equal to men right? Aren't you capable of opening the door, or grabbing the pen you dropped?
Women killed chivalry by not appreciating it and thinking you deserve it just for being a woman; it's not for granted.
Also feminism is killing chivalry because well, it's obvious that with chivalry you aren't treating both genders equally.

There are still many chivalrous guys out there, I consider myself one, but I'm just polite, so I would hold the door for anyone that comes behind me, or I'll grab their pen if it's easier for me, but if she drops the pen and she can get it, I won't lean down to grab it, I'm not your butler.

Scrambled · Answer

I do it, for everyone. I helped an old lady at a train station for example. She couldn't get her luggage over some turnstiles so I helped her with it and carried it up the stairs for her. I am a fit guy and often give up my seat for people who look like they could use it more than me. I hold doors open for everyone, keep lifts open and let people with less items to check out at a shop go in front me. But in terms of attraction, I don't. Women see it as supplication and weakness. For example, I will hold the door open, but I won't pull the seat out or open the car door for her. Women are not attracted to that shit, I know. In fact, I only attract older women. I reckon its because I still have old school manners. The younger generation are more YOLO than chivalry.

knight1986 · Answer

Chivalry... hmm... very interesting indeed. I grew up away from the city and so did my wife and i must say chivalry is fading into the history books in this concrete jungle. My wife is like you and that's partly why i love her so much. I do open doors and help her as much as i can... why do i do it... is it because i feel she can't do it... absolutely not... i do it because she's worth it each and every time. So what happens if she opens doors for me... its cool... i'm not going to go all crazy with her. I do feel sorry for all the women who want men to be chivalrous but i think men are scared of doing it and its all but dead now

DonkeyKong1979 · Answer

Chivalry was a code of conduct that governed the ruling classes in feudal Europe , it allowed for the conduct of war and diplomacy on terms mutually understood by all participants, prescribing proper conduct on everything from greetings to ransoming noble prisoners of war (the rules of Chivalry made no allowances for common prisoners of war, they could be killed without a second thought).

Obviously, when the Feudal system became outmoded in the early modern period the rules of chivalry faded into irrelevance

broadsword · Answer

So true , its an older generation thing. I still do all the things you describe and have taught my children too. Its a loss of true respect. There is a whole generation that think they can demand respect. I here it being used totally out of concept. Respect has to be earnt or gained. There certainly is very little respect for elders with then breeds good manners , courteousness and chivalry.
I think some chivalry has died due to female equal rights. Wich is also a little sad.
Chivalry lives but in a greatly diminished capasity.

ThatPunkGuy · Answer

nice guys always finish last. why would i be a gentleman, just to end up alone and see how all the girls fall for idiotic bad boys. fuck that. in other words, i would just be a slave. I'd do everything for a woman and get nothing in return. again: fuck that. by the way are you too lazy to open the door yourself, or carry the bags yourself? men have to do all that shit, so why do women expect us to do it for them aswell? women want to be treated like men, but you still want us to open doors for you, carry your bags, give you our seats. for the last time: fuck that. you have hands so you can open doors yourself, if your bags are too heavy, dont buy so much, and if you want a seat, leave home a little earlier and ther will still be seat. nice guys finish last thats why I'll treat you like trash. but no, that's not what you want. you don't want a gentleman, you want a bad guy, you don't want to be treated like trash, but thats what bad guys do. fuck this shit.

RationalLioness · Answer

Some fools will say Feminism killed it. Untrue. That code was made in a time where women were treated like delicate beings (which some people see as sexist) and men had to "protect" us.

But now, a lot of people open doors for everyone. It's not about one gender getting preferred treatment. I just think it's respectful behavior to do to everyone in general.

Anonymous · Answer

You could just as well ask why women don't act like ladies anymore. If you want special treatment and privileges, you have to be worthy of them. If you say you want to be treated exactly like men, then you must accept all that comes with it, good and bad. Women of the past appreciated chivalry from men instead of taking it for granted.

But people in general should always help others. I'll give up my seat on the bus for a pregnant woman or elderly person but not for a girl just out of chivalry. If the position were reversed, she'd never do that for me. If your bag is too heavy for you, that's kind of your fault. And why should anyone, guy or girl, give up their seat for you unless you have some disability?

Just saying there are societal reasons for why chivalry is disappearing, caused by women as well. It's not just a case of guys being uncaring and insensitive.

Northeast106 · Answer

It's just today's times I think. For most people, the world revolves around them. People don't really respect others anymore, and everyone wants to be hard, violent, or entitled. I have held doors open for people, and I even picked up a girl's bandana recently when it fell and gave it back to her. Aside from that, I don't go out of my way to help others. I'll be honest, I'm probably a bit guilty of this myself. Today's times are a free for all for most people. Why help others, when no one helps you?

lolalovesvedette · Answer

"If she's gonna take a heavy bag, she better not look at me to carry it! Why she need such a heavy bag in the middle of the city?"

Usual thing a guy would say. And I agree.
However, would feel pretty good if a guy pulled a chair out for me or something. I'd feel like a woman. And when a woman feels like a woman.. woman wants man to do manly things ;) ;) *hint *hint

Anonymous · Answer

May I ask what you have done in your life to think you deserve to be treated like a queen? Don't say "I just want respect" because what you described is dudes waiting on the ground hand and feet for you that's not respect that's slavery. So again I ask what incredible deed have you done to think you deserve any of the things you feel so entitled to have? Did you donate a kidney to a dying kid? Did you jump on train tracks and help someone who was stuck on them? What makes you think you even deserve any of these acts from others?

Anonymous · Answer

I think there are still a lot of courteous men (and women) out there, but our societies mibd set is so negative that people don't really notice anymore. That and people are too busy looking at their phones to look around atlas actual notice the things happening right in front of them. I am courteous and I notice people do courteous things all the time. Just stop and look around every once in a while and appreciate courtesy even if it isn't directed towards you. You will realize it's still very much alive if you look at it openly instead of waiting for it to be bestowed onto you.

GirlsLie · Answer

I don't think it has to do with "chivalry" I think people are just ruder and more selfish these days in general. I don't expect a man to do things for me because he's a man but I think people should do nice things for other people in general. I'm a girl and I hold doors open for people all of the time and i'm super polite to people.

Kshppatel · Answer

I used to do it and all I got were dirty looks and no thank you's. People are so damn unappreciative when people do nice things for them so I just stopped doing them. Lol at complaining about guys that won't pick up your pen for you. What are you a child? You can pick up your own pen. I don't hold the door open for women, I hold it open for people. I can't tell you how many times I've opened doors for girls with no intention at all but to just open it so they could walk in only to hear giggling and "he was kinda ugly" coming from them after they walked past me. Fuck that shit man. And they wonder why there aren't any "nice guys" anymore.

lumos · Answer

Why would you even need help picking up a damn pen? Is that really so hard?

notverycreativeguy · Answer

Things just change, accept it. To be honest, from the way you talk, I see you are one of these "oh, yeah, equality is awesome, but my sex should be treaten better"-people, can't stand it, but well, fuck this, I dislike most people anyway.
Holding the door open for someone, no matter male or female, and picking up a pen are basic manners in my opinion by the way.
Offering anybody to help with their bag or offering a seat is nothing you would do for strangers or just acquaintances, it's too much and makes the impression of being interested in the girl you are 'helping'.

iAmNotSkilled1 · Answer

U can say that its basically safer. for example , u said : "some guys can't even offer to help a girl with a heavy bag" ... when my father was a kid (13-12 years old) , a woman asked him to help her by taking some things that she bought from the market upstairs. He said okay. As he was going up the stairs the lights kept on getting dimmer and dimmer till they reached her apartment where there was not a single light wave. My father heard a guy saying "they came , they came ! " He quickly ran away and as he did , a guy started running and tried to catch him but he could not. SO , can u give me another examples on chivalry?

BelleGirl21 · Answer

Because feminists drug it out in the streets and beat it to death.

Anonymous · Answer

Why is someone supposed to be more polite with girls than with men? I keep the door open for everyone, I help people if I think I can and I generally pick up things that fall for people, and I always offer a seat to children, elders, expecting women or people with luggage that's heavier than mine (or simply people who ask me if they can sit). My parents raised me like this, and I know it isn't the same for everyone. But why am I supposed to be more concerned about being polite with women than with men?
Chivalry, anyway, is just a legend. Knights weren't as we paint them...

Ped1981 · Answer

Blame the feminists. They call chivalrous guys chauvinistic pigs. They don't care that most women enjoy attention from men. They're like James bond villains trying to take over the world. Men are walking on eggshells these days around women, not having a clue what the right or the wrong thing to say or do is anymore

Anonymous · Answer

Can't you just pick up your own damn pen?

If you want complete equality, you can't expect men to treat us like the weaker sex.

By the way you should always hold the door for people behind you, no matter what your gender is, and what their gender is.

Anonymous · Answer

I had my friend's 7 yr old son run in front of me to hold the door. I made sure I told him what a gentlemen he was and in front of the two grown men who just sat there watching. I also made to to let his mom know what good manners he's already displaying.

emmabee11 · Answer

Most women have moves away from these old fashioned notions, most women want to help themselves and be independant so they hate men helping them with their bags or picking up their pen, i mean it's still nice having the door opened for us ^_^ but other than that i think women are more than capable of carrying their own bag, we are almost as strong as men so believe it :P.

mistninja314 · Answer

I open and hold doors for both males and females its called common courtesy lol

HeyJustBeingMe · Answer

Im well mannered and would love to hold a door, or help a girl with heavy loads..
thats how my parents raised me to be.
It is true that time has really changed.
we are more busy with our own ass then with other people nowadays.
you can either accept it, or do something about it.

mauben · Answer

Well i used to do it, but everything changed as the feminist attacked
You ever been slapped for offering a girl help?
And nowadays girls suspect you want something from them
I still do those things for the elder, but not for any girl
Futher I'd like to add that people today dont know the word thank you it seems these are all reasons not to give a fuck about it anymore

But hey if see you ill see what i can do :p

Anonymous · Answer

Feminism? Stupid Women? A Combo of both? Here's my take: You can take it or leave it:

I was the quote on quote "gentlemen". When I went on date with women, I used to hold doors, pull out chairs, open the car door for them, walk them back to their car or apartment, pay for the date, etc. Why did I stop? It never got me anywhere. Women wouldn't even call me for a second date and would stop talking to me after the first date.

After I stopped doing these things... I actually got a few call backs for women. Not everyone would call me back, but a few would for another date.

It's just the way women are. Women disregard gentle, gentlemanly nice guys... and they go for the guy who is so so in attitude.

mr90skid · Answer

It became an endangered species for whatever reason to the point when I do nice things I'm sometimes met with suspicious eyes xD

The_Technomancer · Answer

The end to forced gender roles happened and I'm guessing a lot of people (male and female) didn't like having to put up with it considering both genders had roles that we're tough on them. Women we're practically treated as servants you had to pay with gifts throughout the relationship while men had to be prepared to die for their "servants" (no offense women) and put a lot (financially mostly) into a relationship even if it we're to fail.

xoBenxo · Answer

Cuz it went out the window when girls started behaving like hoes instead of women. U can literally give a girl the entire world, work your ass off to provide her with everything & yet she will still jump at the chance to be a hoe. Call me whatever its the truth and u females know it.

AdoringFan · Answer

I'm not chivalrous, I'm usually just helpful to people, no matter who they are. Holding a door open for someone? Sure. Someone drop something? I'll help. Old person has to stand in the train? I'll give them my seat.
It's just the kind thing to do, so I do it.

peachblossomluck · Answer

Unchivalrous men aren't real men to me, like some kind of sub species which will die out and only real men will survive.

Genie23 · Answer

It still exist... But not very common though. Because most women want equality. So, most of guys treats ladies as equals.

JSmuve · Answer

Wait... you can't pick up a pen? Sweetheart, if you can't do that then this world will eat you alive.

But anyways, I believe you're under the impression that guys were more chivalrous than today. I mean, how do you know that? Were you around in the 50s? How can you judge the character of men today against the character of men you've never met? You're just falling into the fallacy of romanticizing the past.

Noboddy · Answer

It's because women see men as dog's. If i went up to a girl and asked hey do you need help with that heavy bag. They would most likely assume i am trying to make a move on them or accept the help. In my experience younger women tend to act really weird to help being offered. As for holding a door open i hold it open for anybody even if its some thug little gangster i dont care its just what polite people do.

Anonymous · Answer

Women don't act the way they used to, therefore men don't treat them like they used to.

Women in the past were classier, more dignified, more feminine. Now-a-days women are expecting everything, they want to have equality and have sexist ideals for men. It can't work both ways. If women want to be treated like the women of the past they need to act like the women of the past. If not, then you get treated like everyone else.

AdamThomas · Answer

This happened.

lukesass · Answer

The world and the skies above know, that we (but mostly guys, sorry dudes.) just grew out of it. The way pants sag, shoes with "air", mini everything, less coverage and quifs that touch the ceiling, society doesn't have time to be polite anymore. Just be a f!@#ing d*:ckhead because it's so cool (!)!!2@! It's the way the world spins.

MarkTwain · Answer

I do chivalrous things for pretty/ugly women all the time and I will till the day I die; not because of them but for who I am. Sometimes I get a "I don't need your help" type of attitude and some girls just won't have it "I got it"... little discouraging

BertMacklinFBI · Answer

ahh.. you've never ran into me yet ;)

MrExplorer · Answer

I think it's just the later generation that this applies to. Different mindset I think. Chivalry is still around, but you have to look to older men to find it, probably over 30 or so. I will still hold doors open, help carry, stand up when woman enters or leaves, etc.

Outofthegrey · Answer

It's called equality. I've been told that women can do anything that men can do, and to my knowledge opening a door falls into the realm of "anything".

Anonymous · Answer

i don't think things have ever really been like that. this is just how guys are portrayed in movies and romance novels. and tbh, women just aren't pretty enough to be chivalrous for. guys see how women look in movies with their makeup and what not, and chilvalry seems much more natural and romantic because the women look so beautiful. then we see how real women look in comparison and we feel let down. we don't feel the need to go that extra mile with you because we feel you aren't worthy of it.

justbanANNAz · Answer

this qs is gold. i was i knew the answer. i guess being polite isn't 'cool' anymore -.-

Kabloosh75 · Answer

Feminism happened. Chivalry is inherently sexist. So to best not offend a woman and to treat her like anyone else you don't give women special treatment.

thatkaruguy · Answer

feminism, bitches, sluts, mean girls, entitled girls, fake rape victims, and women with no self respect happened to chicalry.

Tractorbeam · Answer

If someone helps you, you will mistrust them and question their motives. That's human nature. If you have helped them, you are more likely to consider them as being a friend.

Hephaestus · Answer

the people who tend to complain about men not being chivalrous and the such are normally the ones who are not acting like a "lady" and deem that they deserve it just because they have boobs.

Strider90 · Answer

I do all of what you state and I kiss the hand of every new girl I meet and I end up being considered as a weirdo by both girls and guys. So why should we bother if you're not worth the effort?

Lena19 · Answer

Their parents never taught them manners or common courtesy. Though that's what I've noticed.

OzFarmer · Answer

Chivalry died with manners, self discipline, self respect and manners..

xxxHolicxxx · Answer

I think women stopped raising their sons to be gentlemen in this fast and shallow world.

ArabianPwincess197 · Answer

It still exists but not as common as it once was

damionrain100 · Answer

Feminism killed it. They butchered it with a knife. STOP being so SEXIST

BarbaraP · Answer

Honestly I'm surprised GaG's men haven't eaten you alive for talking about chivalry... yet

apple24 · Answer

Why the fuck are you talking about!!! I hold the door all the time and most of the times I hold the doors for guys or help take in carry heavy things.

What on earth happened to chivalry?

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Why is chivalry dead?

What on earth happened to chivalry?

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