Are guys attracted to confident women or damsels in distress?

Question

I've heard that guys are attracted to confident women. But I've also heard that guys want to 'rescue' their girl (thereby becoming someone she admires).

pnl86 · Accepted Answer

As the Italians say, "Confidence isn't sexy in a woman."

As the Russians say, "If I wanted to fuck a man, I would go fuck a man."

It's a very interesting play on words. Recently, I head someone say, "I'm not in the mood to hear her start yelling again," followed by, "She was being abusive." Words like "yelling" and "abusive," so open to interpretation. What exactly is "yelling," and what does it mean to be "abusive"? There is such a wide range that one person's over-sensitive definition may very well also include someone else's "criminal" definition.

What exactly do women think about when they think about "confidence" in the context of being sexy, being attractive to men, versus viewing themselves through the lens of Oprah or the women on the View? What "a confidence woman" or "confidence in a woman" means to women may be vastly different than what it means to men.

To men, a "lack of self-esteem" is irritating and annoying. Insecurity, reluctance, hesitance, inhibition, discomfort. When those things are not there, maybe the word guys use to express that is "confidence."

To women, however, the word "confidence" may have an entirely different meaning more along the lines of the "dominance" and "submissiveness" scale. Its a case of men and women using the same word, but to express entirely different ideas.

What a man prefers is largely dependent on who he is. If he's dominant and overconfident, then he's not going to want someone that he's going to butt heads with. If he's passive and submissive, then perhaps he will actually prefer a woman that's confident, dominant and aggressive.

ksoma · Accepted Answer

The answer is, simply, "yes."
Are we attracted to confident women? Yes. A woman who is as capable as we are is someone we can admire and respect, someone we can likely communicate with and develop things in common with, and she has a unique appeal.

Are we attracted to "damsels in distress?" Yes. Men have an inborn need to be a hero in some way. For some men, this comes from nowhere other than their need to feed their ego. For other men, they feel that the best way they have to express their love or affection is by doing, providing, being there, and being the rock in her life. In either case, with such a woman, he feels needed, which makes him feel important to her. And her returned affection for his labor and being there for her makes all the hard work worth while.

Michonne551 · Accepted Answer

I have always been of the impression that guys seem to favour damsels in distress. It is just how we're wired. I am the more strong, capable type who tries to do everything myself and not need a man, I won't let them pay for me on dates or anything like that, and it has impacted me a bit in the dating sense. I've felt like guys have wanted me to be more helpless.
I think this is quite a common issue in these times, as gender roles change and women are more likely to be highly educated and successful in their careers, you tend to see more strong, independent women who very well could earn more than a man as well, and less emphasis on simply staying at home to look after kids... we are doing a lot more and I think we're asking men to be taking on more of an equal, collaborative role than them simply being the provider and the strong capable one, and it is something that some men don't like, I think, because it challenges their feeling of masculinity.

miabethx · Accepted Answer

some pasture religious guy said that confident successful woman don't make good wife's. And only house wife's are good. I flicked him off as did my mum. if my mum was a house wife I'd be on the streets or dead... I hate guys like that. although I do still feel bad about giving him the finger.
sorry random religious guy!!! I say religious bc I don't know what he was. nor do I know why he would randomly tell us that... like. rude. that made me never want to be a damsel in distress. i feel like I'm gonna get hate for telling this story... whatever.

Spermdumster666 · Accepted Answer

Im not afraid to ask for help but I would be dammed if I play the damsel in distress (professional victim) that needs rescuing by a modern day white knight ( pathetic beta male) who puts the pussy on a pedestal and demeans women by treating us all like children unable to take care of ourselves or take responsibility for our own lives all in the hope that we will let them sleep with us because they are such "nice "guys (losers).

Smmyskittles · Accepted Answer

They want a self-assured and motivated/ambitious woman.
Ideally, they would also like her to be a damsel from time to time; in some way.

That way the woman is independent and can hold her own, but he still feels needed and like a 'knight in shinning armor'.

Anonymous · Answer

"I've heard that guys are attracted to confident women." Typically you hear feminists saying this in order to justify what they want to believe to be true. They often even shame men that don't like these types of women. The other group spreading that belief is typically guys that want to use women like sperm dumpsters, and avoid any responsibility of a long term relationship.

In truth the words "confident women" are so vague that it really doesn't mean anything. Sure guys don't want a woman that is so insecure she freaks out and starts a bunch of drama, but most guys don't really care for women that thinks she can take on the whole world by herself either.

"I've also heard that guys want to 'rescue' their girl (thereby becoming someone she admires)." This is true for almost every guy that wants a relationship. Why would any guy want to be in a relationship with a woman that doesn't need him at all? That is the same as being considered worthless by your partner. That doesn't mean that he will want a woman that is so weak that she can't stand on her own, but a guy looking to contribute to a relationship will want a woman that he can help.

ManOnFire · Answer

Not sure I'd use the term 'damsel in distress' but the idea of 'rescuing' a woman is definitely appealing to most men, me included. I think both are desirable for men. I like confident women, but even in that it depends on how you mean confident. My definition is a woman who has character and personality and is not inhibited about being herself, speaking her mind, or even being feisty. A woman could be very plain looking yet if she has the confidence, that tends to be the most attractive thing about her.

Triathlete · Answer

My own personal opinion. I like confident women, but I think some women confused "confidence" with being overbearing , and in some cases can be demeaning to men, or what we call having the "bad mother" syndrome.
The "rescue" damsel mindset, is not so much "rescue" in the proper sense. We like someone that is agreeable and willing to let us as the men take the lead and trust us to make proper decisions. For men, at least most men we like to be leaders and to have a sense of trust and admiration is at the base of the "rescue" mindset.
When a woman is confident in getting things done for herself, strong in her own right, and in our stead, and can hold her own in the company of others. This is attractive, and if she intuitively take our lead when the time comes that's really attractive.
Of course the feminist movement have villainized anything that even remotely suggests women taking leads from men. But the feminism still can't answer the laws of attraction.

Levin · Answer

Reasonable equality and avoiding extremes is key. No one wants anyone who is too passive and hangs off your every word. Nor do we want someone who is too aggressive and doesn't even listen to you. But the male/female, yang/yin dynamic implies that the guy should be a little more 'active' and assertive. I don't like masculine women, this seems to be a modern trend. But to each their own. Further, I want someone who can keep up with me intellectually, not just a pretty face which a lot of guys go for.

John_Doesnt · Answer

I prefer a damsel in distress and the clear consensus is that most men prefer a damsel in distress. Most media, whether it be TV, movies or video games typically portray the "hot chick" as a damsel in distress. Not confident.

I'm personally attracted to Princess Zelda, who does nothing but get captured every single time.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I LOVE confident women. They are like crack cocaine... not that I've ever even touched drugs, but conceptually.

But, I'm drawn to damsels in distress to help them... usually "wounded birds". That usually ends up bad. So, I guess I go both ways, but what I really crave and want is a confident woman!

Anonymous · Answer

Both, if there was a girl who was confident if something, but not confident in something else, that would be a good mix. I have a female friend who I'm trying to get her to be more confident with creative things, but she doesn't really do it much. She is very busy, but she probably has more time to do it, just needs to do it

cheapshotbob · Answer

it true in both cases but assuming they want ether might end up leaving you with no options you need to look beyond the brave and helpful guy or the guy who loves the confident women. because some guys might like you just because of the way you laugh or smile or even get mad. you can never tell with a guy when it comes to what they like really.

Anonymous · Answer

I enjoy a woman who knows how to be confident when she needs to be but also knows that she will always be safe in my arms. My last girl had to be strong all the time and could never show her weekness. Eventually she broke

MrShinyPants · Answer

Both, but not overly done in either direction, i like a woman who is confident and can handle herself but her head isn't over grown and knows when to accept help, i like saving women but i also dont want it to become a habbit, unless if her life is in danger then i dont mind as long as she's not doing on purpose, i like the woman whos mastered the fine line and has both qualities

FemWorship · Answer

BOTH, please as each one implies someone getting saved and all the hedonistic passions that erupt as consequences

Anonymous · Answer

One thing that gets me, is if guys like confidant women, why do so many confidant women complain they don't get approached.

Past: damsel in distress - lots of relationships and marriages and women got approached

Present: confidant career women, more single women than ever and don't get approached

Help, i don't understand?

Anonymous · Answer

Guys are attracted to attractive women. They don't care that much if they are confident or shy.

Anonymous · Answer

Strong, independent types are usually the ones that ask these types of questions, so take that as you will.
I don't think most guys care if a girl is confident or not regardless of what they say. You know how people on here love to sugar coat things.
I think guys want to be needed, so don't go around saying (or giving off the attitude) you don't need a man. It's a bit of a bluff and you won't get one.

SaleenMustang13 · Answer

I don't want to be someone she admires I want to be the white knight that makes her know I can will protect her now and forever in everyway. (No I'm not a Disney character)

Anonymous · Answer

both. a confident girl who saves and protects my heart with her love and she needs my love to save and protect her heart ;)

lonelyoldboy · Answer

Definitely damsels in distress. We want to be needed by a woman. The problem is that women don't need us anymore 😢

convo_king89 · Answer

Damsels in distress is good cuz they need our help. But confident means they can take care of then selves... so both

TripleAce · Answer

Damsel in distress Confidence is sexy but often times it comes across as defensive and/or dominating

oldanddecrepid · Answer

Usually the confident woman is the better one to go with... damsels in distress tend to be more dramatic!

Allway · Answer

Both are good in their ways , some girls like nice guys all good and no risk for whatsoever to cheat on them , but some like womanizers just for the sake so they can pet this wild animal :P :P (in a nutshell it depends on personal preference)

kittykatbrat · Answer

My experience  = Most men like to be needed and appreciated, rather than feel that they are constantly competing with you for the spotlight.

idiotmanchild · Answer

Definitely confident women. I don't want someone looking for hero. I want someone to go on a journey through life with; a partner in crime that will add her own perspectives to the discoveries that we make together.

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Answer

Confidently distressed damsel lol.

karahiri · Answer

from my experience... dudes respond to girls needing help.

genericname85 · Answer

confidence is fine but often those who claim to be it, are just conceited. i´d tage a damsel in distress over a conceited one any day.

Anonymous · Answer

Confidence please. I can be the hero who swoops away spiders, knows when the next GoT episode is out and can reach the top shelf without a chair. I don't want her to be helpless or insecure.

Becky01 · Answer

guys are attracted to women that call to them on a level no one understands.

Anonymous · Answer

Well for my guy, he likes that I can take care of myself, but loves it when I get scared and I hug him to protect me! And he also likes it when I'm his slave during sex.

Bellagag · Answer

Guys get tired always hearing "Im fat im ugly " and so on... However if a woman is confident they are jealous and they are afraid that you think you are too good for them.. so there has to be a ballance

GreatnessRevamped · Answer

I like a woman who can take care of her own. I need a partner, not a ward (someone you take responsibility for)

tonycooly7504 · Answer

Confidence is a def yes gotta be confident its attractive and trust me girls no when your not lol

MarkTwain · Answer

I like damsel in distress, it's more feminine to me.  https://s-media-cache- ak0. pinimg. com/564x/b6/0e/7b/b60e7b65644ac21c5ba08da687e6ec1e. jpg

Anonymous · Answer

Confident women usually mean arrogant women who think they are better than most people.

Anonymous · Answer

a fantasy of mine to rescue a cute damsel girl bound and gagged in need of rescuing

bcromartie · Answer

If one is heterosexual and male one it's attracted to whatever is available and appealing.

orphan · Answer

confident in herself and her abilities.. yes..  bold and fearless... no

Jane1 · Answer

Depends on the guy, some of them like confident women, others prefer damsels in distress.

TonyRyanAgain · Answer

I like confident women. Damsels are fun but tend to be kinda needy.

Kinstrome · Answer

It really runs the full spectrum.

WhateverWallaWalla · Answer

I hate to sound shallow, but most guys are into looks. But relationship based on looks does not endure while looks based on good personality.

Anonymous · Answer

They will date confident women and be an older brother to the damsel in distress. That was always happened to me they only see me like their baby sister nothing more :(

Bandit74 · Answer

I like something in the middle.

Mr_Nice · Answer

I see a girl who is attractive, I approach and talk to her to see if we get along. the end

Anonymous · Answer

This probably varies LOADS. But personally, I'm definitely attracted to confident women far more. Damsels in distress are kind of a turn-off for me. :/

Anonymous · Answer

im attracted only to women who have had their vulva encrusted with jewels

Anonymous · Answer

I'm attracted to women with hot bodies. Don't care about that stuff.

The_Dude_1 · Answer

Confidence is very attractive.

RuNFromTown · Answer

None. Her uniqueness.

skeptic007 · Answer

noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

dudeman · Answer

im attracted to confident 18 year old women

Words_and_Wisdom · Answer

Confident women. Always.

IncelGod · Answer

I'm attracted to both.

apple24 · Answer

A little of both.

worldscolide · Answer

Both

ConsultantIsBack · Answer

CONFIDENT

HGStebbins · Answer

Obviously

iwoBECK · Answer

damsels suck..

Anonymous · Answer

both ;)

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