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100% Yes, its true. I for one never seriously date a women with any degree of insecurities. When I was young (I am only 45), I used to believe that I could over come these types of things. I fooled myself into believing that it all could be managed and over time she would over come them. This because I was a young, good looking man, in excellent shape, and a great job so I was more arrogant then I was smart. But at 45 I am humbled man, with much more smarts and fading looks.
The truth is that women or men honestly with high degrees of insecurities will not over come them on their own, unless they take some degree of responsibility for themselves and put out an sincere effort to confront and deal with their insecurities themselves.
The problem being with this, is that most people with high degree of insecurity do not take responsibility for themselves, and in stead place blame on those they are closest two, because they view their issues as a result of their current relationship and not as something they did. So people are aware of their insecurities, and other are in complete denial so if you hook up with one of these people, that take all their insecurities out on you while being in complete denial of them... well your screwed.
As a confident man, I know for a fact there is nothing that brings out a women's insecurities more than being with a confident person... it subconsciously pings some inner fears for them. Sure just like how men like shy women at first, women are acted to strong and confident men. But over time those deep rooted insecurities will drive insecure people to that initial admiration and turn it to resentment, fear and full anxieties over manipulations.
These days I tell potential women I might date, that I am a very confident, emotionally mature and stable individual, so if she must be a confident person to be with me. Any one with any degree of insecurities will not work with me. So she must be a confident person, willing to honest and hope with her feelings, and comfortable with her looks, and willing to commit.
Glad you mentioned the narcissism because I was about to jump on that.
narcissism is the biggest problem with females in general right now. Now confidence from a woman without all that narcissism is actually really fucking refreshing. They can actually hold their own end of a conversation and it doesn't feel like you're talking to a brick wall. They're more engaging and actually will go into subjects outside of "what I do for work" and "how much money do I make." For reals, they will talk about a video game, weight lifting theories, and people theories... So much deeper than the bland "guess what I'm thinking" or "listen to me complain about my stupid mother fucking problems" stuff constantly.
Just imagine being a dude and every conversation with the opposite sex has you up against someone that just is looking for opposition to argue, blame you for something, or you're left basically carrying every conversation by yourself (one-sided). Yeah it's super refreshing to run into a chick that just seems real and not all fake with a bunch of added on social conformity issues. Easy to just talk to without following every damn social rule in the books. Racial slurs, curse words, etc... just like with most dudes outside of beta bitch punk boys... it's all just shooting the shit.
Now if you're all about that stringent rule-following and "you need to behave like this" stuff... Stick with the beta bitch dudes and the Karens.
I honestly have a differing opinion to this.
Men don't find confidence attractive if you aren't conventionally attractive. If you are what society deems as "ugly" you'll never equate to someone whose beautiful and fit. I don't think I've ever seen a man say "look at that fat chick over there. She's my dream woman"
I'm not fat shaming. I'm telling it like it is. If a man or woman could have someone whose actually attractive they will have no inconsistencies in life. THEY will have no shortage of romantic partners who actually care for them. Look up dating coaches, they will tell you the same thing.
Of course they are attractive. However, it is not because of confidence per se. It is because the highly desirable always have confidence. Since they are almost always the best, do you think is it possible that Paige Bueckers or Katelyn Tuohy do not have confidence? Every top college in the country recruited them so obviously they were very attractive to college coaches. By the same reasoning since every guy thinks she is beautiful, do you believe it is possible that this girl doesn’t have confidence?
Even if it was possible for fat ugly girl to have confidence, it wouldn’t make her attractive.
Opinion
110Opinion
I would certainly appreciate a woman being confident, rather than some sort of whiny little clinging vine, strangling the life out of me. I wouldn't mind in the least if she suggested grabbing a pop or- heaven help us- a burger! I might refuse (not likely, but a possibility), but at least she had the confidence to try!
This question and the responses from females here is another example of how today's women have lost sight of what men want and need in a woman. Let me dispel some myths for you.
First, confidence is one of the most important things to women in terms of what they find attractive in a man. It's the number one things, or in the top 3 or 3 for sure.
Men don't find confidence unattractive in women, it's just not nearly as high a priority for us as it is for you. Confidence is a major factor in masculinity. Sorry to break it to you but that's not true of femininity. I realize women in general, and feminists in particular, has been trying very hard to redefine what masculinity and femininity actually mean, but no one person or group can do that. Only mother nature can do that. The things men are most attracted to in women have little to do with confidence. That has always been the case and always will be.
And no, most men are not intimidated by confident women. That's a myth. Women who claim that tend to have issues with personality and attitudes toward men and don't know how to treat a man well. Again, that has nothing to do with confidence.
I’d say it depends on the guy. For some, it can be a big turn on, for others it doesn’t affect attraction.
However, no matter who the guy is, I think that I can speak for all guys when I say this: Nobody likes their partner behaving poorly due to insecurities.
For insecurities to not get in the way of the relationship, it takes a base level of confidence.
So, every guy would appreciate a girl who is confident enough to not allow insecurities to harm the relationship. As for more confidence beyond that, it really depends on the guy’s unique taste in women.
Real, genuine confidence is attractive. Being able to tell the truth, and hear the truth even when that truth is undesirable, and not being easily defeated by a minor failure, not afraid to try new things, not afraid to take calculated risks, etc. - that's an attractive quality that men appreciate.
Being loud and overly opinionated (especially in the absence of education on the subject) is not the same thing as confidence. Neither is narcissism (making everything about her) or declaring herself a "strong and independent woman."
Today we talked with a girl from another division. She was really good and we just felt like talking more and more with her.
I have talked with uncountable girls, because of continuous changing of schools, but have never met someone like her.
The humble attitude, the really amazing and friendly language, the confidence projected. Everything was really amazing.
I took her number just to be in contact, and my friend took it for his project purpose. Really looking forward to meet again.
I'm glad you mentioned narcissism. A confident woman is very attractive. She's easy to be around and usually a lot of fun. Assuming, you share interests, of course. I think confidence shows in a person's physical appearance. They're just good looking.
A narcissist, on the other hand is truly annoying. Initially, they may appear confident. In reality they're fragile and frightened of what people think of them.
Well, it's sort of a double edged sword with some men. So, most men like confidence and sassiness, but they don't like it being too much toward THEM, if that makes any sense. Men, most men, grow up learning that conflict is normal, and at all costs they must win. So when dating a woman, or when finding a woman to date, they like it when a woman kind of confidently picks them, so it feels like they've won lol, and is sassy to anyone that tries to worm their way in-between lol. I personally don't like too much confidence or sassiness. I like calm, grounded, down to earth. I used to think confidence was the #1 thing to look for, but not anymore. Calm and caring is what I personally enjoy. Just my opinion though.
Absolutely. In general, men don't find confidence as attractive as women do, but trust me, any quality man wants a confident woman. If you really think about it, if he genuinely likes you, why would he not want you to be confident in who you are?
Because he's not worth it.
The only time I can see it being kinda okay is if the guy is kinda insecure, and he just needs a little help to get past that insecurity. For the really insecure guys, it's tough, but even most of them know that they should work on themselves if they're going for a committed relationship. It would be terribly selfish to get involved otherwise.
I actually feel the same way about women who are insecure, but for some reason, people don't mind it as much. Maybe it's more acceptable because they are physically weaker, and can't really physically hurt you due to insecurity, but at the same time, they can use a gun or knife so... hmm we'll leave it at that.
Confidence by itself is not part of attractivness, I'm not going to get aroused by anyone just because they believe they are capable of things.
But artistic talent, being good at video games and musical instruments, and intelligence, are all relatable, and you need confidence to do anything with those.
Being relatable while also being pretty is attractive. But relatability by itself isn't enough result in attraction.
Also, all of this is moot, because anyone woman who changes herself to attract more guys, will just end up losing any guy who likes these things, because she can't keep being fake forever.
Speaking for myself, a lot of women have fake confidence. Like the pop picture for this question, they take on a rather masculine aura and confuse this with confidence. They attract rather weak men. I used to be this way. I have been working really hard to not even re-connect but actually connect with my feminine since I wasn't even allowed this in my formative years. It has transformed my life.
There are a lot of answers here but to me @MrOracle and @thespacegnome answers are very good.
There's something biologically attractive about the damsel in distress. A man's desires in a relationship are to lead. If a girl has it all together, he might feel a bit useless, and therefore less masculine. Confident women are alluring to even the insecure, but it's not worth the headache for an insecure man to try and attract a confident woman. The dynamic would be offset, and the confident woman would most likely leave in time. The man either needs to be just as confident, or more confident than the woman for the relationship to be healthy in my opinion. Of course there are fluctuations and personalities are very multi-faceted. So I understand there's a lot of nuance, but this is my perspective in a general sense.
It can be ok but often is bad. Overall the answer is no its not the most important thing. It also depends what she's confident in and also just because a woman is confident doesn't mean she has to step up and show off. If the man is changing her tire and she says "i know how to do it better and faster..." well whether thats true or not is irrelevant because its a turn off as she's telling the man you're going to be the woman in this relationship and im the man. Does she even in fact want to be the man? Just let him do what he's doing its his job to learn and get better at anyways.
And in my experience confidence generally means unearned confidence. If you're confident about something you know nothing about you're a total asshole and its so rude and offputting. But this is typical.
Yes but most women think being b*tchy/rude is confident. It's not. It's not the attractive form of confidence. Attractive confidence is being able to have a normal conversation with any guy without acting weird/flirty/desperate.
I guess it's more important the younger you are... it's a 'given' that a woman will be confident whens he's older.
Yea it is but there is a such thing as over confidence.
Let me say this though people who aren't confident are hurting souls. They have been shut down every step of the way by people either intentionally or unintentionally and they just can't be who they really are anymore.
Which breaks my heart it really does
Confidence can be attractive , but to a guy that doesn’t really matter like it matters to girls liking guys with confidence , Guys mainly prefer a girl that is beautiful and caring and sweet and loyal , she can be shy as well and we will still be attracted toward her
Absolutely. Especially if a woman makes the first move relationship wise. Shows me she is really interested in me and not just a free meal or free night out. But even when it is not relationship oriented, it is a big turn on. I don't want some timid woman scared to do anything. If she tries, even if she isn't successful, it tells me a lot about her.
It really is. But not confidence in an arrogant way, but in a courageous one. Women tend to confuse confidence with snobbery and thinking they're beautiful. No. Confidence is having a courageous behavior and even character and applies to different things than just talking to the opposite sex.
Not all, but I certainly do.
Women complain about raising their husband too...
Different area but same concept.
Many women who are not confident... are even afraid to balance the check book and other essentials like that. Confident women take initiative. They hold their head up high.
I know there are those that would their machismo get offended and see them as a threat to their manhood. That's so..1976
I think they like some confidence, but not overly exertive. I've watched my confident, boastful, egotistical mother for over 30 years in the presence of men.. some find it attractive and some look at her like she's a nutcase. lol She finds it all self satisfying, so that's her problem. As long as ur genuinely urself, guys seem to like that better than being fake.
I don't, at all. I hate people with high opinions of themselves, regardless of the gender. In women, it's a huge turn-off; I don't care what you call it; narcissism, ego, or high pride. I prefer women who are humble, modest, and down-to-Earth; women who don't think they're perfection or better than anyone. *That's* a turn-on, to me.
It's women who universally like ego in a partner; most men are indifferent to that in a woman, and some, like me, even dislike women who are like that.
Ego is like mental cancer.
Yes in some way.
The biggest issue at least some of us younger guys face is that we don´t know if a woman likes us or just keeps the conversation going to be polite.
That being said many guys have a problem to generally get to know a woman that´s why guys say they like confidence in a woman.
What could be actually meant is somekind of receptiveness meaning that a woman shows more interest than just body language signs in a guy to show him that the interest is mutual.
Well a major complaint I hear is women don't know what they want. They constantly change their minds. And they expect us to read their minds when they don't even know what they want.
I don't care if it is a woman or a man. The maturity to have the confidence to speak up and state what you like/want/need/expect. The confidence to be humble enough to state you are wrong, trust some one, and expose your soft side is a legitimate important skill/quality/positive to have. hands down.
I'm so glad you clarified that at the end because I was gonna say not Cockyness which a lot of females seem to confuse confidence and cockyness but yes confidence like knowing she pretty/cute knowing that she isn't putting her self down it is attractive now when they are all around saying that they are too pretty too be with someone that not confidence that's plain up rude and nasty but yes confidence in a women is attractive
confidence, yes, nut not arrogance. I would also say that while it's an attractive trait, it's not the most attractive (a friendly, caring personality is what I would put at the apex). Part of what makes a confidence attractive is the annoyance caused by inecurity and clinginess.
Eh.. I feel like confidence is an easy catch phrase to go to when you're trying to give advice but you don't really know what you're talking about. It's like the low-hanging fruit for lazy people. ("Just be more confident!")
I think that confidence is an attitude. A good attitude is great, but actions are a lot more important.
Men dont care about women being confident or not too much. Thats a woman issue that they want super confident guys which dont really exist. I got news for you. those really confident guys are either malignant narcissists or they fake it and project it to get you. Everybody has insecurities in their minds. Some hide it well.
Of course, men do.
Confidence usually comes with self-respect, and self-esteem and is typically found among women who are less likely to sleep around, have low standards, and generally be undesirable for long term. Never mind a partner who needs constant reassurance is a physical and emotional drain as even saying boo might have her in tears.
That's not true. A lot of really good women have low self-esteem. Because the skanks pick on them and bully them.
@Jamie05rhs Hardly
Hardly what?
I used too but it ended in disaster and disappointment the few times I tried. What I actually do now is ride a dildo while sucking my boyfriend off or using a vibrator or this machine I bought so it's like there's another guy there the difference is somebody won't be intimidated by the other guy's penis being bigger and be unable to perform or the guys cumming long b4 I do. Like I let 5 guys do me one night, they all came in about 2 minutes of penetrative sex like WTF.
This is a sad example of what some women think “confidence” is.
It's not nearly important to men as it is to women. I'd also disagree with that coach that it's the most attractive personality trait to a man. For that I'd say having a bright, cheerful, happy disposition is far more important. That bright, feminine energy is what attracts us like a magnet.
There is absolutely a difference between confidence and narcissism. If you show men you understand that difference, at least a few will feel more comfortable investing emotions and resources into a relationship with you.
Yes, there is nothing worse than a woman who needs constant reassurance that "nothing is wrong" or a woman who always asks, "are you mad at me?" when I have literally said or done nothing to make her think that. Insecure women are a huge turn off, as are submissive women.
Many women have a very misguided notion on exactly what “confidence” is? They think being loud mouthed, rude, overbearing or even being a bully is “confident”. Maybe it’s because many of them get turned on by men who act that way.
Yes (narcissism is different from it) and goes for both genders because a confident person means he/she is stable that is needed for relationship longevity. Though not all think that it's the one of most attractive trait.
REAL confidence... not 'posers'... although there IS SOME truth to the catchphrase to "Fake it til you make it!"
This is the problem with women listening to female dating coaches because so often they assume men want the same things in women that women want in men. Confidence is, of course, critically important to women in their attraction to men, but it is low on the list of qualities men want in women. There are other qualities that are far more important to us.
In my honest opinion, I think confidence is a good attractive trait but the excess of it makes me feel uneasy. Too many confidence can bring arrogance or disrespect, it has to be balanced.
Confidence not arrogance in anyone is always attractive! If you have confidence, nothing or no one can stop you!
I'm very confident myself and I prefer confident women, but that doesn't mean I can't help a shy woman become confident.
Quiet, ain't gonna take no bs, I know who I am, confidence. Absolutely! Loud in my face confidence, no.
Confidence is only valuable of it gives you the courage to behave in a correct and dignified way - by itself it means nothing.
yes, but depends upon the emotional state of the man as well and attraction. confidence is attractive, but is the man confident enough to go for her?
Confidence is attractive in everyone. But no men are not wildly attractive to Confidence. Not in the same way women are attracted to it in men.
I find feminine and submissive women attractive. Submissive in a loving way not in a : “yes my lord” type of way.
Not really. Humble and kind are a lot more attractive. It's not particularly unattractive but definitely something I don't search for.
It takes confidence to be humble and kind and strength to stand up for yourself since people take these qualities for weakness.
@DermalPunch Even still, it's not super high on the list. A kind of insecure vulnerability is attractive in a girl. The idea of being able to help them grow stronger or us growing stronger together appeals to me.
confident women are a huge turn on for me.
Women with low self extreme are a major turn off for me
Of course confidence itself is very attractive be it on either gender.
I would say rather we find an incurable lack of confidence to be unattractive.
there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Only narcissists and insecure people dislike confidence in a potential partner.
Confidence is always attractive - so long as it isn't a smoke screen and you can deliver. Otherwise, it's a deal breaker for me.
I’ve heard the same thing about girls being drawn to guys. And I think it’s true.
Yss otherwise the porn industry would not exist. You have to be confident
A confident women is the most beautiful piece of art created by god;she doesn't need a man to glorify her.,
Yes I do a lot. Especially if she's confident in her own body/looks. I've never known one woman personally in my life that's confident all around.
"confidence" yes. not being cocky or being a conceited boss ass bitch. or a narcissist as you said. the difference isn't "that" big on the surface.
I think the difference is that confidence is you thinking you can do something, things like ego is thinking you are superior. I have loads of confidence but zero ego because I don't care what people think about my status.
@TheSpaceGnome well that sounds quite narcissistic to be honest xD
Thats not what narcissistic means.
Absolutely
And there's a difference between thinking you're hot & strong and knowing you are
Others opinions don't count
Don't matter, so you don't need to convince them
Well I don’t like people who are too shy but I also don’t like people who are too loud. So don’t be shy and don’t be loud and obnoxious either. I’m sure confidence is somewhere in between those things
What can be better than a woman who know what she wants? and be able to say it certain way so that it won't sound like her ex was better or you don't know what you're doing
It is a big plus. It is definitely easier to date a girl with confidence than a girl that doesn't and you constantly have to reassure her.
Not really, that’s what is attractive to women in men, to me a woman that is friendly and caring is more attractive to me
those coaches don't know shit. bow ih dint want the opposite either like a woman all mopey and has no self esteem either.
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