Why do guys keep their feelings inside?

In general, why do guys keep most of their feelings inside? Why is it so hard for them to talk about them?

I recently broke up with a guy & although it was mutual, I have had a really hard time getting over him. It doesn't help that I have to see him at work about 3 times a week. I know that he has had a hard time getting over me, too. A few times since we broke up 5 months ago, I have emailed him & told him some of my feelings. He will write back and just say things like, "I understand". (Very short, to the point answers). When we first broke up, he told me he didn't want me to feel alone in how I was feeling & that we could still talk & he would "check in" every few weeks & ask me if I was okay. Then suddenly that stopped. Recently, I emailed him to ask him if he was okay about us because he seemed really down & all he wrote back was "you don't need to worry about those things". WTF? I am so frustrated that I can't talk to him anymore. We used to share everything. Guys, help me understand him!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Most guys are taught to hide their emotions and appear tough. We are brought up to believe that if we show any emotion (other that masculine ones like anger) we would appear weak and no one, especially women, would respect us after that.

    Also, in a relationship, guys want to appear cool and nor feminine and emotional. So, don't expect any emotion from your guy, even though he may be depressed.

    • Okay, thanks. That helps. Its just hard because I think if we could just talk as friends we would both feel better. I guess I want him to know how much I miss him & how hard its been but I am afraid that he will think I am stalking him or something...when all I really want to do is express how I am feeling. Oh well. Guys sure are different!

    • Yes, guys and girls are different. If you read books like "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" or "Why women cry and men lie" you will learn a lot. It may not change things, but at least you will understand why men behave in a certain way.

    • Oh, good to know. I've heard of the first book but not the second. I think I will pick them up! THanks.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Like sumina7 said, guys are taught to hide their emotions. Sometimes they venture our of their protective shell and try to be more open usually only to get rejected, hurt or cheated on then they become even more cold and distant and hide things more than they did before.

    Pretty much like me now, there isn't a girl alive that could melt my icy heart.

    • That's debatable.

    • Show All
    • Could be any number of reasons why a guy gets rejected if he shares his feelings. I'd rather take a beating half my life than express my feelings. It's one of the dumbest, most scary things to do and at the end it all gets messed up anyway so there's pretty much no incentive to ever do it.

    • I see your point. But, I think that you guys are losing big chances by NOT risking it. I can't tell you what I would do to hear this guy tell me how he really feels. Maybe you get a lot of rejection, but by NOT sharing your feelings, you might be losing that one big chance to be w/someone really wonderful.

  • From birth, I never showed my emotions. Its nature, your just gonna have to accept it. I don't know many guys that will just let all that stuff flow like its nothing...it just doesn't happen. The only thing you can really do is let him figure things out on his own, that's what he's wanting you do anyway. Unless you get him to break down, then he'll think you're working some female mind games on him lol.

    So yeah, it may be hard but just let him be. He'll adapt.

    • Okay...I know your right. But, its really hard to do :(

    • I just happened to see another person's answer. He said that we only show manly emotions, but if we showed any weak ones then nobody (especially women) would respect us after that. Females are born to be loved, men are born to be respected. That's the laws of the jungle. Do you like puny men, or confident men?.....Exactly ;)

What Girls Said 2

  • Girls do it too, they are just advertised as being outwardly emotional & showing feelings, because society likes to represent emotions as being girls & girls as being weak, it is a double win for keeping people ignorant & making sure relationship counselors & dumb books get lots of profit cause no one is supposed to be human- they are supposed to fit the box made for their gender in social status... Even if they are not overly emotional, do not like to show feelings, one else believes them, because they believe the stereotypes.

    Anyways eve of guys are said to be not emotional or show feelings, by narrow view of emotion it is not true because getting anger acting possessive or jealous or getting into fights-

    ( all exceptable ways of conduct for guys.) - that is emotional.

    & Every one is emotional & acts out thee emotions- feelings - unless you are Socio -pathic - a dangerous condition where you can not connect to reality , do not experience empathy, & are likely to commit crimes such as murder just to FEEL something because you lack emotion or proper access to the.

    It is not true that guys are not emotional, or show feelings, but it s true they are encouraged not to show it in quote unquote feminine ways.

    Emotions are an essential aspect for morality, without emotion we would have a very dangerous world, more so then already exists.

    I think a good question is to ask "Why are people afraid of emotions, & why do they except such a degrading representation, of a very important & useful aspect of the human psyche & nervous system""


  • I'm feeling the same way as you right now I feel for you but unfortunately I think I have gone too far. I wanted like you did to express my feelings on it and I've contacted him too much now I think I'm looking like a stalker :( and I live with him so its very awkward. My advice to you is to give him some space because that's what my guy asked for and because I'vebeen too clingy I feel I've scared him away for good. So please just give some time and hopefully he'll come back to you

    • Okay, thanks. Its always so hard to know when you are being too much, isn't it? I worry on the other side that he will think I don't care about him if I don't talk to him at all. Its so hard to know what to do. Oh man, living w/him and being in this situation would be really hard. I hope it works out for you. I've heard guys like independent girls, so maybe just show him you are moving on with or without him.

    • Yes I know, I don't want to be too much but I just miss him and I want to talk to him and I want him to still know I care like you said. You are right though, apparently if we act like we don't care we become more attractive to them and they will want you back that's what my guy friend said

    • Yeah, feels like a game -- playing hard to get. And, I really don't want to play games. I just want to tell him how I feel which is "I miss you!"