My boyfriend is acting like a jerk...how do I act?

Question

My boyfriend of 3.5 years that I live with had to work 12 hours yesterday and was pretty p*ssy.  This morning he decided to chew me out and insult me for 20 min. on our car ride to work so I couldn't even walk away.  He thinks he is in the right for yelling at me because that is how he felt, even though it was nit-picking and I could have given it right back to him.  The only reason I stayed silent was because I didn't want to escalate it into a real fight.  Now he is all p*ssy and thinks that he is right after having just insulted and hurt me for NO REASON!  How do I act towards him now?  p.s. I've already given him the i don't deserve this your just cranky and taking it out on me.  Do I just act cold to him? For how long?  will acting cold to him make him like me less?

Ephram · Accepted Answer

Analyze what he said, and try to figure out where it's coming from. If you don't agree with what he was nagging you with, then don't just sit there and listen - argue back! Tell him you think he's right. Show him your point of view. It doesn't have to become a fight. Especially not if all you're trying to do is understand why he's so upset with you.

Go up to him sometime when he's feeling calm, and tell him you want to talk about the things he said to you in the car. Explain to him how that made you feel, and tell him how you feel about the things he said, like whether you agree with it or not. It's very important you do this.

Sometimes, people have a reason for getting upset at each other. If he's upset and something you did or do, you have to talk it out with him. If it's something that upsets him, you have to ask yourself if you're willing to stop it, or if he's just being silly.

For instance - toilet seat arguments. This is classic - guy leaves toilet seat up after using the toilet. You ask him politely to put it down, but he doesn't listen. He just doesn't care! This is something that hurts the relationship, because the guy continues to do something so simple that makes you unhappy. Maybe you're doing something that makes HIM unhappy.

I'm not saying you should change yourself and stop doing everything that he doesn't like you to do. You have to decide where you draw the line. Because after all, you can't become his little slave/pet. For instance, if he's nagging you because you go out too much with your girlfriends during the weekdays, that's him being retarded and you have every right to tell him to STFU about it.

Just think over what he said. If you don't agree with some of them, DISCUSS it with him. No need to yell about it and start a fight.

da5id · Accepted Answer

So far Ephram has given the best answer here so I'll try to shorten it up for you:

find out what this thing is about, if we take the example of the toilet seat is he really p*ssed about the seat (see what I did there?) or is this just a placeholder to let off steam about something he can't say openly yet, like maybe that you refused sex with him lately or simply that he had to work 12h and needed to blow off steam and for each of these situations there is an appropriate answer find out if this is negotiable or if its over the boundary and communicate accordingly

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

stop being weak. I'm sorry but you sound really weak right now. why are you worried about him liking you less? he's obviously not worried about how you feel when he yells and insults you. stop saying silent..silence is like approval. basically ur saying its okay for him to walk all over you because you won't do anything about it because ur scared he won't like you anymore...yeah not a good way to get respect. tell him to shut the hell up and stop talking to you like that. give it right back to him. if it turns into a fight then it turns into a fight. stop being scared

Reeses-pieces777 · Accepted Answer

just cut him out of your life if he's being a douche. at least you have said hey this isn't right and if he still is dumb and deaf, dump him. some people aren't worth having in your life, they're more of a pain than any small amount of joy they bring...

JvdRox · Answer

No we are complicated but we can change and grow up (if we choose to). Don't be cold you will drive him farther away. You have tried being cold now be nice in an exaggerated manner. He will see the way you treat him and notice the way he treats you; that is when He will choose.

Blackkid · Answer

Look, you're adults, that nonsense is childish. Just tell him how you feel, and tell him that if he doesn't stop you're going to stop interacting with him until he cools down. If he can't get it together for a while he'll have to ride the bus to work or walk.

stalinhornsby · Answer

This is when you use sex as an aid to make peace with him. That should work.

My boyfriend is acting like a jerk...how do I act?

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