Why would a male co worker stop talking to me after finding out I am not single?

[Anonymous]

We were really friendly until he found out (from another coworker) that I have a boyfriend.
Why would be suddenly he ignoring me now? Is that with giving up a friendship?
do I need to tell other guys im taken? Haha

[MrOracle]

Most guys don't need or want another friend - especially not a female "friend."

This might sound awful, but even if it isn't true of you, I bet you know a bunch of people it IS true of:

Women are not easy to be friends with. They tend to be very needy, very insecure, and want lots of help and attention from a guy. Guy friends aren't like that - with a guy friend, there's no drama, and there's no effort. They'll happily hang out and watch TV, or participate in the sport or hobby you have, and make no demands of you. Most girls ALWAYS need lots of extra help and attention, and many are easily offended by little things that were never intended to offend.

Plus, guys want SEX. If a guy likes a girl as a friend, he's going to want to bang her, and if he can't, then being around her is frustrating - like a scorching hot day when you're dying to be cool, and you know there's ice cream and a big bottle of ice-cold water in the frige, but you can't have it. For a guy, it's much easier NOT to be around something you can't have than it is to have it all around you.

So, for guys, being "just friends" with women tends to have a lot of downside and not much upside. That's why, when we're looking for a girl for a relationship, or especially for just SEX, if we can't get what we want, then we have no further interest in her, and we move on. Guys that don't tend to get taken advantage of by endless favors and requests for attention, and get very little in return but sexual frustration - and we don't want to be that guy.

[Asker]

Damn. I knew guys wanted sex but didn't know it was THAT strong lol

[MrOracle]

Most girls really don't understand what we deal with. It's not like we ASKED for this constant and endless sex drive, anymore than girls asked to have periods, but it's just as real for us.

I've been here on GAG for over 6 years now, and I remember 4 or 5 women who have posted here about their experience being put on testosterone for a short period of time by a doctor - and having their libido shoot up into the stratosphere and where they felt like humping and rubbing on everything in the house, and how they attacked their husbands/boyfriends when they got home.

They all said the same thing: "I owe guys a HUGE apology. I had NO IDEA what men have to deal with, but suddenly all of their behavior makes SO MUCH SENSE, because, MY GOD, having to deal with testosterone is CRAZY!"

It's a miracle that we are able to control ourselves as much as we do - and I'm being completely serious about that.

[Asker]

I didn't mean that in a rude way. I just can't relate obviously.
Thanks thoughQ Very informative.

[MrOracle]

Oh, I know you weren't being rude at all. There are lots of things most of us don't really know about the other gender, and we rarely have open, honest conversations about them (which is a shame) - so I like to share what I've learned through lots of work and life-lessons, so that others might have a little more understanding and have an easier time than I did. I had no Internet forums to go to at your age, and more's the pity.

[Asker]

When I pass him (my desk is to the right of his) he raises his eyebrows and I've also seen an eye roll.
Is this a normal reaction? Haha.
Should I start to dress frumpier to work? Would that make it easier for him?

[MrOracle]

No. He's just being a little butthurt. The best thing to do is to go about your life as if nothing has happened. Don't pay him any special attention but don't be mean or hurt. Let him see that you aren't negatively affected by him.

[answerALLquestions]

He was interested in you, not looking for a friend. You're taken so he isn't pursing it.
You don't have to tell guys your taken but the majority of guys aren't looking for female friends cause we have each other, so this result will happen a lot you'll notice

[Asker]

That's upsetting haha

[answerALLquestions]

Lol you're telling me you've never noticed this before?

[Asker]

Guys normally never talk to me

[btbc92]

Because there is a good chance that your boyfriend wouldn't like you talking to other guys and it can make him jealous. And another reason as most guys have stated: He's interested or was interested, whether for the right or wrong reasons, and he saw he had no chance. At least he is respectful enough to not get too close. But I say that he is doing this immaturely when he should have just talked to you about it and set boundaries.

[SarahsSummer]

He wanted to get with you when he thought you were single and now he doesn't want to disrespect your boyfriend.

[Cloudy25]

Oops seems like he wasn't looking for a friendship, it happens lol

[Asker]

Sucks. He was actually really cool.

[Cloudy25]

Yeah I think many girls have tried that before, it is what it is lol Hopefully next time the guy will already be taken

[Anonymous]

I did the same thing but I'm not rude, I don't roll my eyes or anything. I just no longer give her the attention that I used to. You keep on going on about being friends but at the end of the day, there are plenty of guys that we can be friends with. Most guys don't want to be friends with you...

I always try to find out if a girl I like is single or not but I notice they are very vague. Some even lie about it. It's probably because I'm always much hotter than their boyfriend...

[Asker]

I mean a selfie of us is my phone background and I always have my phone with me and open at lunch. I mean it's not hard to figure out. But understandable.

[Opinion Owner]

Selfies? I hate damn selfies... but yea, it doesn't sound like a job for Sherlock. I have to say though, I notice a lot of subconscious activities in your brain concerning this situation and some hidden messages within. I'm guessing you've been with your current boyfriend for quite some time...

[Asker]

What messages? Haha
And yes, 3 years.

[Opinion Owner]

Ahhh, I knew it! I'd say that something is lacking in your current relationship, nothing major, but lacking nonetheless. That's what the hidden messages are all about.

[Asker]

True. Our jobs keep us apart. We don't live in the same city.

[Opinion Owner]

I thought there was something... when my powers grow, I will be able to get more specific I think. Hmm, no one else seemed to pick up on that.

If you don't both do something to make up for the jobs keeping you apart then it will have a bad future impact on the relationship that occurs gradually. There is some emotional connections missing too.

[Asker]

I've never wanted to cheat on him and ever intend to. I hope I don't sound like an attention hungry girl haha.
It's just nice to have someone to talk to during lunch or something at work, you know?

[Asker]

Never**

[Opinion Owner]

I wasn't referring to cheating. Everything I mentioned was about the emotional side to the relationship.

[Asker]

Sorry. That just what people usually insinuate when they imply "something is missing" in a LDR

[Opinion Owner]

I see what you mean. I was referring to the gradual erosion of the emotional connection which can create more emotional distance. I'd argue that emotional distance can have just as big an impact as physical distance. But good emotional closeness can diminish the negatives of physical distance.

[Asker]

Thanks for your help!
When I pass him (my desk is to the right of his) he raises his eyebrows and I've also seen an eye roll.
Is this a normal reaction? Haha. I just don't get this.
Should I start to dress frumpier to work? Would that make it easier for him?

[Opinion Owner]

It's normal behavior. He's trying to forget about you. We don't always have control over our eyebrows either. In interrogations, sometimes they place two convicts together to see if they know each other by looking at their involuntary eyebrow movements that signify a greeting to a partner in crime.

Dressing frumpier is not a good idea. I've noticed that the girl I stopped giving attention to has suddenly stopped wearing any makeup, no effort, no hair down, she makes ZERO effort now lol. So although that does help me, it also leaves questions about her own relationship.

It could make it look like you were making an effort for him before LOL. I think it will take a few more months to forget depending on how bad he got it.

[masterfree]

The work place adds a bit of complexity to the situation. However, he probably liked you and wanted to go out with you. If you are taken that isn't gonna happen and he is probably avoiding you to not make it weird, which makes it weird lol. Give it time.

[BasicFlake]

It seems like he was interested in more than friendship and now has gone a bit cold. Yes, you should probably wear a sign around your neck saying that you are taken so guys don't pretend to be friends, lol.

[Asker]

Ha ha!

[MadeInAmerica]

He was warming you up for something more than friendship. He was never interested in just being your friend.

[Asker]

Damn :/ lol

[apache17]

he wanted to be your boyfriend, and since you're already in a relationship, he gave up and stopped chasing you.

[Asker]

Is there any reason as to why he would raise his eye brows and roll his eyes when I walk past? His desk is to the left of mine.

[Diobrando]

he wanted you but when he found out you had one it dashed he's hopes of having you

[Asker]

So that equates being ignored? That's immature to me but I guess I can understand.

[Diobrando]

yeah its immature of him to give you the cold shoulder because of that , you didn't do anything wrong

[Endorphin]

is this a rhetorical question? he obviously had some kinky plans on ya

[Asker]

His desk is to the left of mine. He always raises his eyebrows and rolls his eyes when he sees me now.
Is that really worth getting that angry over?
Is he really THAT hurt? He never asked if I was single.

[Endorphin]

there are many possible explanations:
1. he is a douche
2. he is hurt
3. he is desperate for puss puss
4. he is angry because of some other reason

[dolemite68]

cuz he was talking to u to hook up with you, if ur taken why would he waste his time?

[Asker]

What's wrong with having work friends?

[dolemite68]

nothing but if he finds you attractive its hurts guys ego's to be friendzoned by a girl their interested in

[Classical890]

Well said

[Pomegranate139]

He wanted you, but since you're taken, he won't bother wasting his time and moved on.

[ADFSDF1996]

He probably liked you but now that he knows you're taken, he realizes that he needs to move on.

[Anonymous]

you can be coworkers, but you can not be "friends" with coworkers

[Asker]

How?

[Opinion Owner]

you just can't

[StickStickity13]

He liked you, now he doesn't want to waste time pursuing you

[nevermoregirl7]

He wanted to fuuuuuuck

[Asker]

Is there any way to somehow still be friends?
I mean I was clearly unaware. Lol

[nevermoregirl7]

Nope. He lost interest now. Maybe in a few months he will change his mind.

[Asker]

Damn... weird lol

[Truthatanycost]

Yes, to still be friends you will have to DUMP YOUR boyfriend.

[Asker]

@Truthatanycost well that will not happen lol

[DolceAmore]

Cos he liked you.

[Asker]

His desk is to the left of mine. He always raises his eyebrows and rolls his eyes when he sees me now.
Is that really worth getting that angry over? :/

[DolceAmore]

He had a thing for you, he's actin hurt 🙄🙄😂

[Asker]

O lord lol

[ihserxv]

it's obvious he was trying to get in there.

[Asker]

So zero chance of friendship?

[ihserxv]

yeah most likely. its hard for a guy to want friendship when he finds out after the fact. if you had brought up your boyfriend somehow in the begining then maybe the friendship thing would have been accepted.

[Asker]

It just never came up.
I don't just announce to every guy I meet im not single haha. But that is understandable.

[ihserxv]

yeah, guys get weird about stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Where you lead on him? Because if you'll did, maybe he'll thinks of that. Just saying.

[Nahid1234]

I think he doesn't want a friendship with you

[Kingfish3447]

Cuz he wanted to tap your ass

[schapman28]

why do you care?

[Asker]

Because someone who I talked to everyday just suddenly stopped talking.

[schapman28]

well he was clearly interested in you in another way so instead of carrying on having feeling for someone who is taken he's moving on and that's hard to do while having daily contact