Boyfriend only opens up when drunk?

[Anonymous]

I'm very confused. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. When I met him he didn't really drink. Halfway through our relationship he started drinking again. When he is sober he is kind of cold and stoic. I don't know how to describe it, it's like he doesn't care about me or at least doesn't tell me that when he's sober.

When he's had a couple of drinks or when he is tipsy/drunk it's like he transforms into a different guy! He's all affectionate, to the point of being annoying. Like he won't stop saying "you know I love you, I love you so much, I love you" etc. You get the drift haha. Like he asks me to hold his hand, hug him when he's drunk! He never does that while sober. It's kind of like I have two different boyfriends. One night recently while he was tipsy, we went to bed. He woke up during the night and said "I love you so much" and when I didn't reply he said "tell me you love me too". He would never say that while sober? You get why I'm confused? What the hell? Lol

[thatguyfromswitzland]

i don't want to implement something, i don't know you nor your boyfriend enough to know what it could be, but from my past relationships i can say, that some guys do that when they aren't sure if they love you anymore, he might not be too happy in the relationship but is to shy or scared you wouldn't get his point and or get to upset if he told you what he really feels, he probably thought about breaking up as well because he's not really happy in the relationship, if that is actually the case (what i don't hope) i would try to stay calm and accept it and be open for him criticizing you and show him, that it's okay to say it if something is bothering him about you or the relationship, i felt like i was in that state (behaved like that) when my Girlfriend started to restrict me more and more, it was for my best, but to some degree she went to far and i didn't want that and i told her in the beginning, but she wouldn't change anything, even though she knew that it bothered me, but i was to afraid to break up and hurt her, because she was depressive before i got together with her and i helped her get better and i didn't want her to fall back into that state again, because i loved her to much for that to happen, but i telling her it that something bothered me didn't help, she just ignored it, or said, that that's not a possibility, so eventually she tried to restrict me in my drinking behavior because i started to drink more and more to cope with her and the relationship without hurting her, but i didn't notice i was hurting her even more by drinking that much and so on... but back to your question, try find solutions and not just tell your boyfriend he has to adjust. I hope you got something out of my response, even though it was a bit long and i talked a lot about my past relationship, if you have anymore questions or just want to talk, message me, always open to listen and give my opinion

[Asker]

Why do you think he's not happy? Lol

[thatguyfromswitzland]

like i told you i don't know the situation you are in nor do i know you or him, i was just saying what my experience was. it could be totally different

[brocklee]

I am the same way. Some people are mean drunks, I was the type that became very warm, sweet and tender. It is said that the alcohol brings out a persons true nature. I think it is partly true. It is like a slightly exaggerated version of a persons true nature.

When I quit drinking years ago, I struggled to find a way to let some of that stuff out when not drinking. I found people, particularly women I was involved with, liked that version of me more than the usual me, which doesn't emotional, and comes of somewhat cold.

[Asker]

Yeah I find myself thinking and wishing he was drunk all the time cos it's so nice to hear him say all these nice things. But if it's exaggerated maybe he doesn't really love me it's just the alcohol talking I dunno? I can't get much out of him, romance wise while sober it's like I'm one of his buddies!

[brocklee]

No, by exaggerated, it is more like a mood swing. It is kind of like in the middle of a mood swing, you might react more dramatically about what you are feeling. The feeling is real, but the way you express it is more dramatic.

[Asker]

So he does love me? It's just weird cos when he is drunk he won't shut up about loving me like he could say it 10 times in one night it feels kind of fake lol I find myself not believing it cos he doesn't say it sober

[Anonymous]

I was with similar guy. However, never officialy dated. We dont talk anymore lol. He used to be cold and hot with me and I got tired of that. He still is the same way.

[coachTanthony]

Alcohol or drugs can bring out the inhibitions in someone. This could be good or bad. Usually what you are describing is called a happy drunk. Someone who gets too mushy and personal because its usually bottled up inside sober. His brain isn't firing correctly when it comes to a balance of emotions. Sounds like to me you have your hands full. Either way good luck!

[Anonymous]

I had a girl... friend like this, you can probably understand why I kept the two words separate. She was cold sober and not affectionate at all when I dated her and she was a non alcoholic and made me feel rejected. A few years later her best friend told me that she is affectionate when she’s had alcohol so the girl clearly was upset enough to talk to her best friend about us. One night I decided to investigate by asking her best friend to invite me to a party where she’d be at. I arrived late purposefully (after she had a few drinks already) and she came over to me and had her hands on me and even took my coat off which she never did before, I was shocked how different she was. However the best friend had something else in store, they also wanted to show me that the girl is at risk of being taken advantage of when drunk. They set a gay mate on her and what I saw was her not reacting to being touched up by him and I sat and watched for 30mins as she was easily being taken advantage of and enjoying it. Her other friend loudly told her ‘he’s gay’ and she didn’t even answer and was all over him like a horny rabbit lol.
When she became sober her face was of regret and she then came and sat by me and kissed me and held my hand but I was less than impressed and didn’t want her near me. I never wanted to see her again.
You’re lucky enough to know your boyfriend is affectionate when tipsy and he is telling the truth, I can believe that completely. Knowing what happened to the girl I told you about (her best friend was cruel), I’d not intentionally get him tipsy lol he’s drinking because he is unhappy that he is not being the lover he wants to be maybe? You’ll help him through it.

[Asker]

So you believe what he says when drunk is the truth? I dunno I thought maybe he is just exaggerating or something cos he says he loves me like 10 times when drunk it's almost annoying so I thought it's fake lol

[Opinion Owner]

Anything that you think makes you feel vulnerable if you ever said it.. when drunk your more like to say it because alcohol takes away your inhibitions.

I once left an answering phone message on a girls phone when I was punch drunk, I did genuinely have a crush on her.

[BenR1991]

They do say that alcohol makes you speak the truth and gives people confidence. Maybe he's just very shy and don't know how to tell you how he feels without drink. Id maybe ask him why he doesn't show you any affection whilst sober and see what he says.

[Asker]

At the start I thought that he tells the truth while drunk but there's such a difference I dunno. Like he can tell me he loves me 10 times in one night while drunk and literally is annoying with it lol yet while sober he's a bit distant and doesn't say much?

[englisc]

I'm kind of the same. I can't even explain why, alcohol just affects some people differently and make them do shit they wouldn't normally do.

[dannyuk]

I think he's aware he struggles to be warm and loving when he's sober, so after he's had a drink he's subconsciously using the chance to let you know how he really feels.

[Asker]

Hmm that's possible. He's definitely not warm when sober. But drunk he becomes so loving it's crazy the difference! I assumed at first it means he doesn't really love me cause he can only say it when drunk?

[dannyuk]

No I don't think that's the case at all. I think the drink makes it easier for him to say. Probably because of his own insecurities. I think he's just being over three to because it's the only time he feels comfortable enough to show you that kind of affection

[Asker]

Yeah it's like when he gets drunk he won't shut up about loving me like will literally say it 10 times in one night to the point it's annoying and comes across fake lol. he's a bit older than me though so I dunno why he is like this. I'm 21, he is 28

[dannyuk]

I dint think there's much you can do though. As I said over compensation. It's annoying but I think it's coming from the right place

[Shoenron]

No I don't get why you're confused.
What's the matter?
Does it make you uncomfortable when he shows his love?
Do you think bad of him when he asks for signs of affection?
What's the problem?

[Asker]

I'm confused because he doesn't act like that while sober. He's kind of cold yet can tell me he loves me 10 times in a night while drunk but won't sober? Ya know? I don't get if he doesn't actually love me it's just the drink talking or what

[Shoenron]

So the problem is just that you don't know whether it's sincere or not?

[Asker]

Well yeah because he acts so different sober. Like which one is the truth? The sober him or the drunk one. I don't know which to believe lol

[Shoenron]

IN VINO VERITAS

alcohol do not change people. It reveals who they really are because alcohol lower your filters and mental barriers so you just don't care about faking anymore.
With alcohol people take off their social coats.

That's how alcohol works.

[Asker]

I thought this before too but I find that hard to believe with him. When he has been drinking he says he misses me and wants to see me loads. When he is sober he doesn't mind not seeing me and can go days without seeing/talking to me?

[Asker]

This is another reason why I don't believe his drunken "I love you's"

[peterthenotsogreat]

Alcohol enhances emotions. The problem is more serious than you think

[Asker]

Why? Haha

[peterthenotsogreat]

I had a relationship like that. Haha. Guy settled for this girl. He would have an ounce of affection when he is sober. Haha.

[Anonymous]

I'm the same way. We have to be that way. People like to pat themselves on the back by telling others that they want to hear the truth-but they really don't. I don't make that mistake anymore. That's the way society is now.

[Asker]

So is the drunk version your true self or the sober one? I don't know which one I should value of my boyfriend

[MindTime]

It could be he's more introverted and alcohol opens him up

[Asker]

maybe. I'm not sure. I used to think being drunk you tell the truth but there's such a difference with him I dunno

[MindTime]

It's tough to know for sure since alcohol affects people differently

[Caaarl]

Some people show love differently. Maybe he's not a touchy feely guy and that's OK.

[alexjohn]

Keep him drunk everyday🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘

[Steven9595]

He's insecure tell him you love him more and cuddle and kiss him when he's not expecting it

[Anonnym]

Thats sad tbh

[Shoenron]

Most helpful comment EVER !