Why do men act like the woman is pressuring him to change back into "someone he's not" only AFTER she is invested into his promises?

[Anonymous]

Why do men sign up for relationships and then revoke the behavior that initially won the woman over. From example, I had a man who persued me every day, who claimed to love me until I believed it. He introduced me to his family and friends, he bought me gifts, and he spent time with me very often. Once I was finally in love and invested, he changed. Him and many other men made excuses that change was natural, but he didn't just slack, he became the total opposite of the man I fell in love with. He stopped spending time with me and only wanted sex, and he was mean at times. I had never done anything to him but I still questioned myself because his change seemed too drastic to be normal. I gave in and accepted lies when I knew he was being dishonest, and he made me feel as though I was crazy whenever I would challeneged his lies. If he was caught redhanded he would say "your not my girl" and he seemed to completely disregard our past and his promises, as if neither had ever happened. He reminded me that he loved me and showed me sides of him that I thought were special by crying to me and telling me secrets. But for a long time he seemed angry at me and at my expectations of him, as if I were asking for more than he bargained for. When I accepted less, he treated me as if my lowered standards were a sign that I WANTED this. Finally, I wanted out. He reeled me back in many times, but him "realising his mistakes" didn't last. He would act as if I was his whole world when we were together, but when we we're apart he ignored me for weeks. I could never trust the same again after I accepted that my time had been wasted. The fact that my situation is COMMON just made me wonder why do guys do this? Why not leave us alone? It makes it hard to believe that men can be good people when they clearly tell you they have intentions to love you and then later treat your love as a pester to them and their motives to be single. ESPECIALLY when you're an all around good woman.

[devilman666]

It's only natural for the feelings to die down a bit on both sides. That said it sounds to me like more was going on but it's hard to tell. Maybe he felt unappreciated and possibly emasculated at times by you, possibly he felt like you didn't contribute enough for the relationship, possibly he was focusing more on work to try and be more financially stable for you, maybe he was just tired of always going out of his way for you, maybe he is just lazy and put effort in for the first bit to get sex? I don't know much about the details of your relationship with him so it's hard to tell.

Also, at the end there, are you saying all men are around good women? Maybe there are some good women here, but where I live bad women seem to outnumber good. My friend once had a woman tell him she was girlfriend of the year as they laid in bed together, then she told him to leave before her boyfriend got home. I wish that wasn't a true story, but it's not uncommon, every man I know has been cheated on by multiple women.

[Asker]

He shouls have never felt unappreciated. I made excuses for him so much because I wanted him to be happy. He had once explained to me that he felt unloved and like a bad person. I knew that feeling all too well. My whole life I felt criticised and under appreciated. I felt like no matter how good I thought I was, nobody appreciated it and instead only saw the bad things in me. So I didn't want him to feel like that. I wanted him to feel like he was a good person who was easy to love and who deserved to be loved and appreciated. I wanted him to be happy and wanted for him to want the same for me. But instead, as part of his most recent apology before we completely stopped talking, he admitted that he hurt me and he was wrong and that he just "didnt appreciate me." That hurt. That hurt worse than anything he had ever done or said. Because all I ever wanted was for him to feel loved and appreciated since I knew how it felt to be treated as a bother, and criticized all the time, even by him

[devilman666]

Life and feelings are complicated. I feel for you though, heartbreak sucks. I'm sorry you went through that when you put in so much effort then, like I said it was hard to tell without more info. My best guess though in this case is that he needs to find a sense of self worth, because he seems to not be looking for appreciation from you, but from himself, even if he doesn't realize it.

[partydelights]

Sex. That's the fundamental reason.

Women's liberalization actually backfired when men can get laid without legal commitment (marriage).

My wife (when we quarrel) at times brought up "You were sooooo different when we were courting" (LOL). Ya, you got it. We married as virgins. So our entire "courtship" was all romantic without sex.

in my opinion, if women held back sex until marriage, then premarital relationship will be a lot more romantic, sweet, and above all, practical.

And as an Anonymous guy wrote "Sort of sounds like the same thing women do once you marry them", I reluctantly agrees. (LOL)

[winterfox10]

Some guys feel like women want to see that stuff early on, so we put on a show for her. Other guys simply lose interest in romancing the girl... Some guys are hoping that the woman will step up to the plate and try to cultivate intimacy and romance in the relationship.

[laflair187]

Well for some "guys" aka douchebags they just like the challenge of getting you to submit to them and as soon as you do there's no longer a challenge so there's no longer a need to try or prove anything

[Anonymous]

Sort of sounds like the same thing women do once you marry them.

[Asker]

Nah its not the same

[Opinion Owner]

Sure it is women just wait till they get that ring then they know they have him hooked. At least a man does it earlier in the relationship ship that way you know whether to get rid of him or not before you make that big mistake of marrying him.

[Asker]

He completely ruined my trust. I have no hate in my heart but I wish I never met him at all. I have heard enough "at least he..." excuses. He was wrong to have lied to me and lead me on, and for as many bad woman as there are, Im not one of them. He made a good woman feel like a bad woman and thats how bad women are created. I haven't completely healed from the hurt because I made excuses for him and I blamed myself or I chose to just let things go and ignore that they happened. I'm not accepting fault fpr the bad women. And I'm nkt saying good men dont exist Im saying men like my ex make it hard for good women to believe that the men we encounter are good men. My situation was unique, so I can't expect it t be 100% as common as any other experience. But I was. a good woman and I blamed myself for things that I could have only prevented by never having met someone like him. I'm not perfect, but I tried to love him more than he loved himself just so he would be happy

[Harsh_Ch]

a) we're horny
b) We need a legal method of emptying our balls
Now the morality of it can be up for debate tho