Nervous/uncomfortable looking into guy's eyes for a long time?

Question

I'm really shy and although I like the guy that I've been dating for a month, I get uncomfortable looking into his eyes when we're not talking. I think maybe it's more that I am uncomfortable with him looking at me so closely? I dunno...anyone have experience with this? Will this probably go away as I get to know him better?

jbharris · Accepted Answer

If you process negative thoughts about yourself and/or have obsessive compulsive tendencies along with your described "extreme" shyness, I would personally look into seeking a counselor or psychologist. You may have social phobia/social anxiety. In addition, if you have any other unique behaviors (e.g. self consciousness, binge drinking, eating disorders, extreme nervousness including: trembling, increased sweating, and increased heart beat), these are more red flags for consideration to social anxiety. Further, if you hit most of the ones listed above, but you are incredibly clumsy in addition to these behavioral tendencies-- look into Asperger Syndrome. If none of these red flags apply to you, then you are just, in fact, incredibly shy. Then, you must tell him openly how you feel. Typically, most social anxiety sufferers have the kite runner personality... the feeling of low self worth, thus they run away from their mate. This is fairly common for Asperger sufferers too. Evaluate yourself, and you will have all the answers you need to do the research. Then take the appropriate actions as soon as possible.

aidsleen · Accepted Answer

you need to become more comfortable with yourself or it will happen with every guy you like.

not an easy task, but if you always remember that beauty is subjective.

guy A might think you are the most attractive girl you've ever seen.

guy B could be the complete opposite

guy B could also be an asshole that makes sure you know this, but that doesn't mean that there isn't some guy A's around.

i know you have a guy at the moment, but remember no matter who you are or what you look like, you are someones idea of perfection.

scorpioGirl01 · Accepted Answer

No this is really normal and its a trait of being shy but here's some tips

1) Don't think to much on it and relax The more you do the more self conscious you will get.

2) Try to think about something else. its like the saying "your eyes are a window to your soul. Now, I know its sounds stupid but if your thinking about something that pisses you off or how uncomfortable you are staring into his eyes it will show and he will pick up on it. My advise think about your feels for him or a happy memory.

3) Don't look away fast. try to hold his stare for a few seconds then slowly look away or kiss him... If you look away really fast it shows how uncomfortable you are with can be misinterpreted.

4)Smile! lol Don't stare blankly its kinda creepy lol

I'm the same way I get uncomfortable and feel very exposed when my ex stared into my eyes but those things help me with it and after awhile you will get more comfortable and knowing him more will also help. Hope this help... Good luck

joy1819 · Accepted Answer

I've been incredibly shy my entire life. I've just now (at 21) gotten to the point where I can hold conversations with other people and sort of chitchat when necessary. I don't think it's weird at all to be uneasy looking someone in the eyes. I have trouble looking anyone in the eyes, it makes me nervous and I feel like they are staring at me or judging me. This could be the case for you too. I think as you get to know him better you'll begin to adjust and feel more comfortable. In the meantime, he should realize you are a shy person and it's part of who you are. If he doesn't like it you don't need that. There are guys who understand a shy girl. I've met one :) Good luck!

pepperxo · Accepted Answer

i have no problem making eye-contact (and usually have very good eye-contact) but the whole let's-stare-into-each-other's-eyes type deal weirds me out too. probably because the guys who have done that with me did so after only knowing me for a short time and I really didn't know them well enough and so I didn't feel comfortable or emotionally connected to them. personally, when a guy does that without knowing me very well, it feels fake and unnatural.

it's a comfort-level thing. the more comfortable you get with him, the easier it will get.

malakai · Answer

it will go away. its only cause its been a month with him. me and my boyfriend have been with each other for two years and now when we look into each others eyes its like a feeling of comfort and familiarty and closeness, and love. and respect. its always respectful to look someone in the eye.

trust me if yall date for...i wanna say maybe 2 more months, it will go away, and when it does and yall look in each others eyes you'll see nothing but adoration and safenes and intimacy and not a trace of uncomfortability, I promise

iRockYourWorld · Answer

hahah, I think this is a hugeeeee problem.

When we don't look in their eyes, it shows that our confidence is fading.

I can't look into my boyfriend's eyes either without MAKING myself look.

It's like, okay, he's looking at you. It's like a contest. just keep looking.

It's so awkward for me and I know I'm turning 50 different shades of red but I do it anyway.

Maybe try to will yourself to do it, little by little. By looking just above his head, or at his forehead, eyebrows, eyelashes and then maybe later you can look into his eyes. And if he notices that you aren't looking into his eyes and he tells you, just reply with, you make me nervous or something. Then give a CUTE reason like hmmm, I don't know off the top of my head it'll come out corny. Something like, I like you so much, that when you're close to me and look at me like that, it makes my heart fluttery and I can't see straight. Hahaha. He'll think it's cute and it shouldn't matter. x]

fannilein · Answer

I don't have a problem with it, I had this problem some time ago though.

I just started looking everyone into the eyes,it was easy with friends, then I did it with teachers, random persons in the bus etc. and it gets better trust me (:

Its not that you have to look into his eyes for 2 hours. But you should be able to do this at least some seconds.. the best is looking into each others eyes mostly leads to a kiss so practice grl! :D

TyGirl · Answer

i understand you (if this is your case). I get this way too. personally I don't find myself attractive so when my boyfriend looks at me its almost like I wana hide from him. but it goes away eventually. I've learned that I just can look away from his beautiful blue eyes <3

Tigerlily · Answer

It is kinda weird, proper eye contact... I still don't always look at my guy for that long and I've been with him over a year -_- but while I haven't got entirely comfortable with eye contact, I've found that as I made the effort to do it more I've got better at it, with him and with people in general. Also as you get to know someone you get more comfortable with them anyway. Try not to beat yourself up if you can't stare into his eyes for hours on end - it'll definitely get better =]

62893 · Answer

Its common to get nervous or to look away.

The ONLY time I was able to keep eye contact with a guy was because he was a total jerk with a massive ego and he started staring at me to make me uncomfortable so I stared back into his eyes ...he was the first to look away :) if you push yourself, you can go longer

Guacamole · Answer

Staring into someone's eyes is a VERY intimate type of thing for most people. Being able to do this - not everyone can - is a sign of real comfort and connection with the other person. But, yes, being more in-the-moment should help make it a bit easier. Good luck!

GagaBerry · Answer

I know exactly how that feels.. at the first few weeks I was dating this guy, I always smile and all but I can't keep an eye contact even for 5 seconds because of awkwardness... and it's not because I don't like him at all or anything, it's just that... I don't know... there's no connection yet. and there's nothing wrong with that at all, if you both have just met. and you know, the reason why there's such a thing as dating is because we really want to "try each other out"... (not necessarily meaning sexually). even if its been more than 1 month, maybe one of you aren't feeling that you can trust the other enough or still testing the waters, the awkwardness won't fade away. one perfect way to tear down each others defensiveness is when someone really extends their arm to reach out for the other person to break both of them out of the shell.. like a really really corny date on the lake to watch the sunset in each others arms... just saying...

corny = really really really romantic <3

rdr005 · Answer

Its just awkward, nothing wrong with you there. Staring into the eyes should at least turn into a kiss or something, but not just a stare..  That's when you glance down with your eyes and do the Awkward Turtle.

mizzhoneychild · Answer

I felt like that with me and my boyfriend at first... But then I just got used to it and then it got really comfortable...And then I asked him why he looks into my eyes so much and he said it was because he loved me and  because I was gorgeous... So that's probably why your boyfriend looks at you, too... :)

Anonymous · Answer

Ohh yes, that's me as well.  Except that sometimes, very rarely, I get a burst of confidence out of nowhere and I am able to hold a stare - but I tell you, last time I did it, it must have lasted about 10 seconds, and by the end I felt so dizzy and wobbly that I had to sit down.  I honestly have never done a Jane Austen-worthy swoon before but it did push the guy up several notches in my estimation!  Even now just thinking about it I feel the butterflies coming back...

Anonymous · Answer

Haahaa I have the same problem except. It makes me uncomfortable to look at ANYONE in the eyes for too long. I tend to look away. Especially face to face. When it comes to my boyfriend I usually take glances at him when he thinks I'm not looking. I remember I got caught once lol.

IdontWantToBeMe · Answer

i have this problem to, I don't like anyone even my boyfriend looking in my eyes for to long or staring at me to closely, it makes me feel weird lol so I know where you're coming from, I'm just shy I don't think there is anything wrong with you

WeaponZero · Answer

Having trouble with looking people in the eye is a common symptom of autism spectrum disorders such as Asperger Syndrome.  Is it just him or have you had this problem with people in general your whole life?

emilyzenella · Answer

no it doesn't go away I used to have the same problem and I realized I really didn't like this guy anymore but if you do still like him, try to remember to look in his eyes. eye contact is hard for everyone

skittledittle · Answer

yeah, you're definitely not alone. I suck at eye contact. I just feel like 'omg, what are you looking at? my face isn't that interesting' :p lol

Anonymous · Answer

i have the exact same problem. especially with my guy friends, one actually noticed before and made me look him in the eye. I did for a while then turned away since I chickened out.

it does get better though, just keep practicing with your friends that you feel really comfortable around. :)

countmontecristo · Answer

It'll go away. Your just uncomfortable with the space your in with him. In time when you get to know him really well than you'll ease into him.

unknown_artist · Answer

It's just a common problem. I even have this problem with all the people around me :P I just can't look at their eyes and talk to them :P

Anonymous · Answer

its perfectly normal I have the same prob all the time, but I think after a month of dating you should be confident by now and really try to connect with him, show that you like him and don't wanna lose him

Anonymous · Answer

this boy and I always stare into each others eyes and we aren't dating...i don't find it awkward, lol I kinda like it...i call it eye sex

TheCheshireCat · Answer

I don't like looking anyone in the eyes, but I have anxiety :(

Anonymous · Answer

I'm exactly the same way !  Ive been dating my boyfriend for 4 months, and I still feel uncomfortable looking into his eyes, probably because his eyes are so gorgeous <3

Seraphine · Answer

Yeah, I get self-conscious when I'm being stared at too. lol

Anonymous · Answer

yeah I felt this way too. I just forced myself to look at him anyway, and hey, I liked it! It does get easier when you know him better.

Anonymous · Answer

That's weird, I would dump you if you were awkward like that.

Anonymous · Answer

Your not alone on that:)

calmmie · Answer

kiss him

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