I remember a few years back, my boyfriend had a hard time telling me what he really liked, felt or thought... with time that changed because we showed each other more love and trust now. Yet I notice this is something most guys experience either because they are shy or because they have a hard time expressing their feelings. Yet I’m not sure what cause this because when kids, boys can be very expressive with their feelings but something changes when they grow older lol
So why do guys have a hard time expressing their true feelings?
Guys: why is it more difficult for men to express their true feelings?
Social conditioning. I can't speak for all guys, so I'll only draw from my experiences but when I was in my teens/early 20s, I opened up to a couple girls and made myself emotionally vulnerable and one stopped talking to me while the other told me that women don't like men who open up. It seems guys can only be happy or angry. Every other emotion is reserved for women. After that I stopped trusting women because they couldn't handle my honesty. So, in my case, I don't open up because my experiences with girls conditioned me not to. I'm sure I'm not the only guy out there. Everyone wants to talk about males perpetuating toxic masculinity but no one wants to mention the role that girls play in it. You all are complicit too and I'd hazard that if more guys felt safe to do so, they'd probably open up more. Its not that we don't know how to communicate, its that y'all leave us when we do.
Hmm... we're all different but I think in general men are socially conditioned to not show emotions. A number of others commenting on this question have said the same.
Personally, I have a huge problem expressing emotion other than anger and indifference. I just don't have the skills. From the moment of my birth, my male role models taught me that men don't express emotion *at all*, unless it meant getting pissed when I saw a guy acting in a way that shows weakness of some kind.
Nowadays, I'm more emotionally mature than I used to be, but I have to try. I actually have moments where I think "oh yeah, I'm happy. I should smile or something"
The speech area of the male brain is less developed than women's. Women use three times more words than men do in one day. The male brain uses only the right side for emotions. The female brain uses the whole brain. The male brain focuses on solving the problem while the female brain focuses on being reassured during hardship.
Men do have feelings but not as worse and fast as women do. Men are less expressive because the area of the brain which is responsible for speech and emotions is way smaller than the female brain. Men instinctively look for solutions, this way they relieve emotional stress. Whereas women relieve emotional stress by talking and being reassured.
The brain develops with the age hence why you see a huge difference between a boy and a man. Puberty is the main reason where huge amounts of testosterone is produced.
Some of the things you say are very true, but men WANT to relieve stress by talking. We really do, but we simply dont do it because of various reasons. there's a guy in my friend group who im very close to. he's the epitome of "emotionless", even compared to me and my other friends. And even he said something along the lines of :" I wish i had a guide. Someone whos emotionally and mentally strong and smart. Someone i can talk to and ask for help when i need it". And this is the kind of guy who have to poke with a stick for 10 hours before he even admits that something is wrong with him.
there's still a difference though. Women experience emotional stress with a lot (ALOT) of issues and problems, while men dont. My female friends and my girlfriend for example go nuts over things that i consider miniscule and trivial. Things that cause problems but not emotional stress in me. So in short, men can simply handle problems and issues better than women do. In the emotional aspect, of course. It takes a lot to cause mental and emotional discomfort for us, but little for women (atleast from what i have seen).
I actually don't understand it. I was with a guy that was great, but I hated the fact that he would just say things to please me or say thing to make me believe what he said was what he felt. I was a straight forward person, and I was honest with him. Never feed any lies, but him on the other hand so much like just say what you feel rather than what you think I want to feel or hear.
I think a lot of us do this because we do not understand (and as a result, we fear) confrontation with women. Male confrontation is simple and physical, and over quickly. Confrontation with women seems to usually involve manipulation, and we can't hit women. Being able to hit other men to get it out of our systems is a much easier way to resolve conflict for us.
@wiseyoungman But I have always expressed to him that I'm not anyone to judge and I don't like being raised up. I rather him tell me thing that just feeding lies to me and then me getting upset over that. I don't understand why you would fear the confrontation when I haven't been judgmental. What's that you fear?
It's pretty easy for us growing up to internalize the lesson that getting into conflict with a woman means she will sink painful emotional hooks into you without mercy. I'm sure he appreciates/appreciated that you wouldn't be judgmental, but it's hard to shake a lot of past negative experiences. We simply don't want to risk conflict that we don't understand how to resolve in a way that is positive for us
Often it's kinda hard for me to figure out my feelings. Superficial stuff like when I'm annoyed or happy or whatever is easy but if I wanna figure out more complicated things or why I'm feeling a certain way it takes time and introspection etc. It's not easy for me to just say whatever I'm feeling. And often I'm not feeling much at all.
There's long phases of the day where I'm just content and doing something and not feeling anything. I have adhd and probably some autistic tendencies too so I don't know if this is the same for all guys but i takes a lot of thought. When someone just asks me a personal question or something about how I feel that isn't very simple, I usually have to think about it first I can't just know and say it.
Also I can't express it /explain it as well as some women I know even when I have figured it out. My brin is hyperactive but very focused on logic, analysis, patterns, absorbing knowledge things like that. When I'm talking to a person I already have to focus on a bunch of things at the same time, like trying to keep my words short and to the point cause I tend to get sidetracked. Listening to them, figuring out what they want etc.
So in the middle of already having a lot of information coming my way and having to process it and thinking about what I wanna say and how I wanna say it so it doesn't end up as long as this post, it's basically impossible for me to also connect to my feelings and add those in there as well. Women as far as I know are always connected to their feelings so you just have to speak and they're already included, but for me it's not automatic at all.
If I'm working on something and thinking about it logically and you ask me an eotional question I have to go to a completely different part of my brain and start thinking about what you just asked and it will probably take several minutes until I come up ith a good answer and by that time most people have lost interest so that's how it is in a guys brain. We're usually focused on solving problems and when you ask something random, it's a big distraction.
I'd say if you want to know how a guy feels you shouldn't do it when he's busy, give him time, to think about the answer and just because he has to think a lot about it doesn't mean he's making something up. Maybe he hasn't thought about the question you asked ever before and he has to go inside himself and figure out how he actually feels about whatever you asked.
Women can show their feelings, and they won't be judged for it. Women can cry and its okay. Men are brutal to each other. When a guy shows weakness, he'll get crushed by everyone. Shunned. You have to be a sturdy rock or else you won't be respected anymore. there's a guy in my large friends group. He has a girlfriend. His girlfriend cheated on him, and the guy took her back without any complaint. They are still together and he just shrugs his shoulders when someone asks him about it. All of the guys are talking behind his back. Insulting him. No one wants to hang out with him. No one wants to be associated with him. Everyone dislikes him, apart from his very close friends. He showed weakness. He wasn't a "man" just this once, and now its backfiring. he's getting crushed.
Maybe showing emotions and feelings isn't bad. Maybe its okay. But thats not what guys think. Guys think if they show emotions, someone will use it against him. We hate to feel vulnerable. We dont want to give ammunation to other people to fire back at us. Sometimes it might illogical and uneeded, but thats just how we are. The fear of being seen as weak.
Men are expressive. We just go about it in a different way and often, not with women - for reasons. When men express with other men, it is often of trials or triumph. 'If' we talk about love it happens either with a damn close friend or a total stranger. See, the thing about men talking with one another about 'stuff' versus our women is often when trying to express ourselves to women is leads to more questions on her part and usually we can never complete our thought because, ladies... you like to interrupt. Which is damn confounding when trying to answer and leads us to keep things to ourselves.
Personally speaking I have zero problem giving a genuine response, but I find in what I consider a sincere answer, is not a, "good enough answer" for the gal on the other end. So then what? Try an reinvent a way to answer? That goes no where either.
Men and women are different. Another responder delved into biomechanics of our differences. Yet, even in knowing we think/feel/perceive... et cetera and ad nauseam, even that answer is not good enough and we are still left being asked, "well, why can't you?"
Some women and men can talk and express themselves together. Some couples have that gift. But I dare say a level of restraint from both sides to hear another out and not push for men to answer as a women nor men to have our women answer as men. Though, both sides may appreciate that... but it is your feminine and our masculine differences that draw us to one another. Even the pain in the ass moments.
It's not "difficult" we simply deal with our emotions differently than women do. Men internalize emotions and deal with them on our own for the most part and when we need advice we go to buddies who understand. We don't voice our shit to females because women are critical and judgmental about anything male that they don't understand or like.
We don't. We just don't have true feelings, but women, since they are psychotic and project all the time, suffer under the delusion that we have all these UNEXPRESSED EMOTIONS that we have to LET OUT. The reality is that most of the time, men just don't give much of a fuck, we're mellow, we're cool, whatever, yeah, just chill.
Many times, we don't really feel the need to do so.
Duties must be fulfilled. We must function, do what has to be done, and get-on with it. If some emotion gets in the way, it must be suppressed, smothered, and extinguished, or else converted into something useful. If it helps, it must be harnessed, but control must not be lost. Getting lost in passion is dangerous.
Otherwise (in my case), much of day-to-day, life throughout the day is just… "Meh!", neutral, standard, and/or just not very emotional. So, there's not much to express anyway. So, why bother expressing nothing?
Could be a lot of factors: Fear of being judged, Raised to mask emotions, Some things are easier to show not say, Sometimes talking about a problem makes it worse, Trust issues.
It's easier to be expressive as a child because we usually know there will be someone there to care.
But as we grow into men... talking about our issues or feelings just makes things awkward. Everyone's reactions is "wtf, what am I supposed to say to that?"
It's not exactly a rewarded behavior growing up. Expressing emotions is considered feminine, and being mocked for being feminine is pretty much the meanest thing you can do to a young man
@MusicMayhem Depending on the time in my life either 0 or 1 ... even today i have 4 women i can go to with problems and feelings, one is my partner, my partners sister, one is my female cousin and the other is a female friend... oh and my mum as well :)
@MusicMayhem... but i dont want to date them... i dont want to date my cousin or my girlfriends sister.. my friends are my friends, some of them i would hate if i had to live with
For me the thought has always boiled down to "roles". The kinda bullshit that say women should be in the kitchen and men are supposed to be the bread makers. Women are usually more than not, open to talking about their feelings and things that could be going on. But men are supposed to be rough and tough and keep their negative emotions bottled up.
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“It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to a guy whose feelings are unclear”. -Corey Wayne.
That statement pisses a lot of women off but it’s sadly true. How do I know? The girls that I was “sorta” into I would be less transparent about my feelings. Simply because they could shift. Then the girls I really liked I made the mistake of saying so. I got rejected and/or friendzoned EVERY single time. Always.
Girls like guesswork. Not too much, but a healthy amount of detective work. They aren’t dumping when they are chasing.
Because society teaches us this right from birth. It's not "manly" or what men do. We're supposed to "be strong". I personally don't have a problem sharing mine, if it's someone I want to share them with, and I know what I'm feeling lol (sometimes I don't).
Girl goes up to her friend and says she has depression and is lonely all the time, her friend hugs her and says everything will be alright.
Guy goes up to girl he's dating or in a relationship with and says he has depression and is lonely all the time, girl texts the guy the next day "I think we should just be friends."
Over time they learn that when they express their feelings it is later used against them, mostly by women. Other guys will call them a pussy and make fun of them for stuff, but women will use things they know to ruin their other relationships/friendships/working relationships, and try to mess over them after.
Nah man thats not true. Men are brutal to each other, much much more than women are to men. If a man shows weakness, its first other men that are going to crush him, not women.
I had trouble with this when I was younger, but I realized that I'm not overtly emotional in anyway, so I won't look weak or crazy when I do communicate and talk about my emotions every once in a while.
Im just not that emotional of a person its not society or whatever people like to say society won't let men express themselves thats bs the truth is im just not that emotional i keep it real not much rattles me
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