Why is jealousy unattractive in a guy?

I've noticed that it seems jealousy, while it can be unattractive in both sexes, is more unattractive when a guy does it. What uniquely makes male jealousy, even in small, benign amounts, such a turn off?

Why is jealousy unattractive in a guy?
Why is jealousy unattractive in a guy?
  • It just makes me feel unsafe
    Vote A
  • It makes me think less of him, because he thinks less of himself
    Vote B
  • I'm afraid he'll fight over me and/or ruin my friendships
    Vote C
  • It makes him less stoic and masculine
    Vote D
  • I don't find it unattractive
    Vote E
  • Other (explain, you know the drill)
    Vote F
  • Results
    Vote G
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Updates:
5d
Let's say you are on a date and tell your boyfriend about a new best friend you have. It's a male you work with at a job you started a few months ago. He'd heard you mention him more than a few times on dates and on the phone, but just didn't who exactly he was or what he means to you. So then your boyfriend feels a bit jealous. He makes a playfully sarcastic and competitive, but self deprecating joke in relation to your best friend. How would you rate his unattractiveness in that moment?
5d
didn't *know* who exactly he was

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Jealousy is good... it means they actually like you and scared to lose you..

    Lack of jealousy does not mean trust.. when there’s no jealousy at all, that’s when you should worry... they might not even care about you...

    Of course there’s always excessive jealousy, which can be dangerous... that type of relationship should end as soon as you notice any signs of wanting to own you and such... it’s not a sign of care, or love but rather obsession and mentally ill that can end up in death. Scary,

    But anyway, jealousy in itself is not unattractive.. unless they over do it like I said lack off or too much.

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    • 4d

      As far as your update...
      there is absolutely no reason for anybody in a serious relationship to suddenly make a me best friend if the opposite sex... for me, finding out that my boyfriend has recently became “best friends” with some random chick that he works with or whatever, I don’t care what he thinks if it’s unattractive of me being jealous or not, it’s over. I don’t have time for that bullshit. Jealousy games and so on. No thanks! Same the other way around... no need for a girl to suddenly become best friends with a guy at work... I’d suggest to the boyfriend to drop her ass. it’s stupid.

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What Girls & Guys Said

229
  • Because it's an indication of insecurity in most cases, it can also be a sign of possessiveness.

    It's normal to feel a touch jealous, but if it's a clear trait in a guy I avoid it.

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  • All of the above. Guys are twice as like to kill another man with a fist, while women will use a weapon. Somebody is going to lose their friendship and it never ends well, besides your feelings getting hurt. Like some have said, many are control freaks, and very possessive for the wrong reasons. It is understandable if you married, but still not a healthy reason. But if you're not married to them legally, you have no control over somebodies life. It's about RESPECT. Slight jealousy because of insecurity is a natural response to what you want to protect and love. It is NOT healthy when you think your entitled and legally besides morally, you do not have that right. I find that he thinks less of himself and not secure in himself enough to talk to me about it instead of seething behind my back. I personally wouldn't want to disrespect anybody's relationship, let alone any relationship I have with people. And most importantly, I REFUSE to be provoked to anger and jealousy on purpose. If somebody has to do that to me deliberately, its over.

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  • Jealousy indicates you're insecure. Not being jealous doesn't mean being oblivious or an idiot, though. But is not necessary to be controlling when there are other ways to establish trust and communication.

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    • 7d

      Is jealousy controlling, or a request for negotiation, or is it neither?

  • I think it’s cute until the point of him controlling who I hang out with. I understand if he doesn’t want me to spend alone time with a guy friend unless it’s work related but it crosses the line if he tries to get me to stop talking to guy friends and shames me for my clothing choice

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    • 5d

      I’d think it’s cute and assure him that that guy is just a friend

    • 4d

      Thanks, I was hoping I'm not crazy on this

    • 2d

      I notice many guys try to hide their jealousy but it can be cute to most girls in small amounts

  • Because I dated one. It is scary. It was the most horrible thing ever. He accused me of shit that didn't even happen. <_< I had to ask which zone of the universe was I or him in.

    It was like walking on eggshells. Every time I got my hair done every time I brought a new outfit. My skirts are too short (which is true but he knew that when he met me. I like showing off my long legs)
    I was stuck up. I can go on for days! Like hiding behind my apartment building and spying. Doing late night drive-bys like he was the damn FBI or something.

    omg, the list could go on and on and on. Never again. I have never accused a guy of anything.

    Maybe it the fact I do have a carefree way about love or whatever. You can't control people. Not possible and too much work. I don't carry the trait I can't relate nor be with people who are. I understand that a little bit is supposed to be healthy? so they say.

    But someone who accuses you even when sitting together and the waiter and I supposedly smiled too hard at each other and he ready to whip my ass and the waiters' ass?

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  • If it's little jealousy like being jealous at me talking to a guy, or wanting me to cover up if I'm wearing shorts, it can be cute but if he goes full on blocking me from talking to friends because they're guys, stoping me from going out with friends or not allowing me to wear certain clothes then it gets unattractive. Especially if he gets clingy. Otherwise, it's cute and shows that he cares when he gets all sulky or huffy.

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  • It's fucking hot. It's a high testosterone trait to be very competitive with other males, and so jealousy is a sign of that. Not the opposite. I love his raw primal protective aggression. It makes me feel safe, and loved, and it's so bloody cute when he gets all huffy and puffy about other males. Protecting ones territory is masc.

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  • What's not unattractive about insecure, possessive control freaks?

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    • 5d

      @ Update: It would also depend on how long we've been together at this point. If it was rather early in the relationship I'd be more understanding of his reaction, but it would still be something we'd need to work out. If it were together for al onger time already, I'd find it really worrisome that he'd suddenly be so insecure. Like, where does it come from suddenly? There must be some deeper problem.

    • 4d

      Interesting, thank you. And the deeper problem could be anything, but what is unsettling is the indication of the unknown deeper problem right

    • 3d

      I would say a deeper problem is in itself unsettling...

  • I don't know, I always found jealous guys much more attractive than the others it mean he care and want to keep me to himself. Make me feel loved. If the guys aren't jealous I feel like he don't care for me at all.

    In this situation I would find it cute and surely say something like "Aw honey don't be mad, you're still my favorite guy" or something like that. Then smile cutely. Smile usually lead the anger away.

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  • Jealousy is equally unattractive for both sexes because it indicates a lack of trust.

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    • 7d

      isn't it possible to over-trust your partner though?

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    • 7d

      I know I'm probably playing devil's advocate with you fairly strongly, but given no abuse or attempt to act divisively, what makes jealousy different from any other expression of relationship discomfort that would indicate a need to work together, compromise and/or understand each other better?

    • 7d

      In that sense, does it really never help or save a relationship from infidelity or disolution?

  • It’s annoying. If I spend enough time with him and don’t give him reason to suspect I’d cheat, jealousy is just petty and unnecessary.

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  • It's not as long as it doesn't involve over-possessiveness and violence.

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  • A little isn't bad and I think it shows he cares about u. However if this happens too often and around everyone.. like cousins , friends etc then its not cute.

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  • Jealousy can be attractive depending on why and how it's expressed. I would be concerned if my partner didn't get jealous sometimes.

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  • To me, you just look like a pathetic insecure guy who willingly ruins a relationship because of his insecurities.

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    • 6d

      What comes to mind when you imagine yourself being jealous?

    • 6d

      I'm not a jealous guy.

    • 6d

      It's a human emotion just like anger, dissapointment, excitement, etc. Every normal person experiences these one way or another. I think you only refer to an extreme form of jealousy.

  • There's a limit where it borders into the red flags of abusive relationships.

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  • It stems from insecurity or distrust in our partners. It is unattractive when anyone does it.

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  • Because lacking emotional intelligence is inherently unattractive.

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  • It's possessive and violent and scary

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  • My girlfriend sometimes tries to get me jealous, she likes it

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  • Because it's a female trait. Don't ne a pussy.

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    • 7d

      so it would make him less masculine

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    • 7d

      Not a valid argument. Children in India get married.

    • 7d

      Actually it is, since you're implying I have no experience on the matter. You haven't provided any counterargument at all, other than deeming a natural beautiful trait of testosterone as "toxic".

  • I find jealousy attractive in a guy

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  • Jealousy is ALWAYS unattractive

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  • C also. Think

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  • I find it endearing

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  • Really? it is equally unattractive

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  • I don't find it unattractive

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  • Jealousy is a form of dangerous insecurity.

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  • All humans get jealouse

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  • Because women have made it like that

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  • I think it's a little strange when a guy is possessive over a girl that he's not in relationship with.

    Jealousy (at a certain degree) is important for a healthy relationship as long as both sides can talk it out and find solutions on how to keep the dealings with one another respectful.

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