what you mean by compatibility expectation. In my situation my crush is keeping himself chaste (when far away from his girl), the girl at the other end is dating, going on trips receiving gifts from another guy.the girl post pictures of her and her guy on social media but non of these pictures have my crush in it. does this sound a healthy open relationship? i don't know much about this type of relationship tbh
Ok so for me open relationship implies to be very clear with everyone. And for me the feelings I have for my girlfriend, I just can't have them with anyone else. I am not able to love multiple women at the same time (some people are). I'm clear with my girlfriend, I'm clear with others.My best guess here, is that he is (was) in an relationship with his lover, and do (did) not consider you as a potential girlfriend. What I don't understand is it also seems his lover is in a relationship with someone and actually sees your crush in the same way he sees you, just a casual lover. And now realizing that, he wants to be with you but continue seeing his lover he actually has deep feelings for. That doesn't seem right.Maybe to give some perspective, I was also in an open relationship with my ex. She dated guys. But she would never care what these guys would also do, I mean if she would have been jealous then for me it would have meant she is not with me.Compatible expectations meaning do you see him as casual? Do you expect him to have sex with others? Do you expect him to have more feelings for others? Is there a clear priority? And conversely for you.
i think u are right, now i understand better.i'll give you a background on my crush and his girl to clear it out. they met 5 years ago in college. They got into a relationship right away and my crush introduced the girl to his parents. 3 years after they met my crush graduated. From the girl's post their relationship was a rollercoaster. i think they broke up. less a year later my crush decided to come back home.i think my crush did not digest the break up well he still have deep feelings for the girl and is refusing to let go. He keeps posting pictures on his account like they are seriously dating and his parents like these pictures ( the girl rarely likes these pictures). My crush even fly to meet her.On the other hand, the girl has already moved on and is dating man. On her account, it is a completely different story there isn't a single picture of my crush. There are pictures of her and her man, she even put in her story about going out with her man, the gift she received etc...as for me, my crush is my childhood friend i told him that i wanted a serious relationship and that's when we started arguing and i got blocked. i was surprised that i got unblocked but soon i understood why he did that. Now he does not even want to listen to me.My crush is just blinding himself that he is in an 'open relationship' with that girl. His expectation about getting back together are too high and he is bound to have a really bad heart break.
Thanks loads for this insight, it helped me clear my doubts and confirm what i was saying... that my crush is STUPID instead of enjoying life and living in the moment, in his mind, he is being 'exclusive' with that girl while the missy (3 years younger than us) is enjoying and experiencing different partners... what can i say more!Thanks again :)
Yes, from what you explained here, my guess is that this girl is in a relationship with someone else, and sometimes wants to see your crush, as a casual lover. Your crush lied to himself, thinking it's the other way around. Makes me wonder if he was even willing to have an open relationship with her to begin with?Anyway, I don't know your relation with him at the moment. I guess as a friend you can tell him what it looks like, but not what to do. As a potential partner I'd be very cautious and patient until he makes up his mind, and is able to explain his expectations better
Saw your second reply just now.You are very welcome, and I wish you the best :)
that's a really good question, i don't think it was my crush's idea. From our culture and upbringing, we are don't do open relationship. Maybe it's the girl's idea... because she is comfortable seeing both men without any issue. When i said i like him, my crush told me that his 'girlfriend' is upset that we are talking, he does not want drama so we need to stop. That caught my attention, how can a girl is at the other end of the world control him? lol. i thought of all sorts of crazy ideas (messaging the girl , sending my crush a letter) but is my crush worth so much effort? i may even end up being seen as the villain in all this.the best thing is to move on, let him learn his lesson the hardest way and if god would like us to be together someday we will definitely be. Good wishes to you too Cheers
Hey mmat2020, i'd like to thank you so much. i finally told him what i thought. :) i guess he understood because he did some changes on his profile.even if he does not come back i am happy i guided him. thanks loads
You are very welcome and I really appreciate you took the time to tell me :) I think it's really good if you are happy for him, even if it doesn't mean him with you
i agree with you.
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if you love a person but you are in a LDR and the other person wants to be open to date and have sex with other people while you don't really like the idea of an open relationship (you prefer stay chaste than fucking other people)Will you accept that your 'partner' sees other people?
Nope nope and nooooooooo
Hmm.. posibbly it depends
Same ole same ole after 10 years... Get stagnent?