I like a guy but he has many red flags, keep going or let it go?

[Anonymous]

I like a guy and he had a weird behaviour, he kept throwing another girl in my face when i told him that i like him. i dig deeper and understood that he has not yet moved on from his first relationship since 2 years while his ex has already moved on. He still puts her on a pedestal. Also he lies with his parents and family that the girl and him are still together. When i pointed these things out he went on and erased everything on his account. I made him understand that he needs to move on and that i won't be his rebound and will wait for him to heal. I even sent him videos on letting go and all. When i said that he went back and added the girl in the description of his profile. I feel mentally drained since then and told him we will talk in 3 months. i met him 4 months ago at the temple and i don't know why we met but i really want him to move on from his first love so that he does not suffer.
Also since i pointed out everything, he only reads my messages but don't reply.
do you think i should keep doing what i am doing or let it go now?

[pepperhicks]

It seems like you did all you could. I would let it go.

My first breakup in an LTR was rough - two years after she left me I was still thinking about her while I was dating other women. At least two of the women ready to put up with it and "support" me through it. But I did not like that either as it seemed like a damaged/co-dependent relationship.

Nothing was wrong with any woman I met, I just was not ready for another LTR. I would not wait for him to work through it - it is not fair to you.

[Asker]

i have no issue with mutual co-dependent relationship. i believe in supporting my partner when he is going through a lot and vice versa.

[Asker]

i just read about co-dependency, this is so unhealthy!
i would like to rectify, the right term is interdependent relationship NOT mutual co-dependent relationship lol.
Thanks loads :)

[cnnick]

Let go, for your own mental health. I've been this guy couple of years back and i hurt a lot of people along the way. Let him find his way out, ideally - not though you

[Asker]

Knowing that i did what i was in my ability, i will let him go. Thanks

[KitKnickKat]

Definitely let it go, time will only tell how long he will take to heal. Getting over an ex especially being with them for that long can take longer than you think. Even talking to new people can pick at the wound. It’s really unfortunate, but since he still isn’t over her, there’s a chance he might message her and try talking again. Sometimes, they get back together. It’s very up in the air right now and you don’t want to keep waiting to find out what happens. For now I would let him go, and if he’s truly the one then in the future he will come back when he is ready.

[Nillsan]

You can't force someone to make a change, they have to have the will to do it.
You can only be supportive, but do you really want to be the only one in the relationship that are supportive? Cause sadly it seems like he doesn't care about you at all. :/

[abc3643]

One "red flag" literally means that he's out of there.
That's what a red flag means...
It comes from soccer.
A yellow flag ("yellow card") is a warning.
A 2nd yellow flag and/or a red flag ("red card") is an immediate ejection from the game.

So, if your guy has even one "red flag", then you eject him from your relationship.

Reading what you wrote, yes, to me, that's a sufficient red flag. Eject him.

[abc3643]

www.goal.com/.../1j1nq8o7xwart1vujfq7kpbq0j

[leftis25]

Thats what did with my ex.. i ignored all the red flags.. i paid it a lot later.. i would tell u to run away and save your self.. but its also good to go until. the end like i did.. and feel the whole pain.. because pain will change it a lot.. for the better trust me

[Rory_Pants]

You pretty much crushed him and he can't stop feeling like a loser while living at his moms everything he reads your messages. And I don't blame him honestly.. 🤷‍♂️

Leave the guy alone who can't get over an ex after 2 years or be subjected to the same if you develop the relationship..

[Cynicaldreamer]

So you see the red flags yet you still want to be with him?

Why? You clearly can tell something is off, you don't need us to tell you to avoid him. I'm not trying to be rude; just honest with you.

He's been hinting that he's not interested by his actions: ignoring you, bringing up another girl in your presence... the latter is enough for me to know he doesn't want you, otherwise he wouldn't do that!

Back away. You'll thank yourself later.

[ManWithThePlan123]

If he doesn't have the capacity to move on, then there is no reason to stick around waiting. If they were trying to get over it I would give it a chance, but it sounds like he doesn't even want to change.

[G3tAClue]

Girlfriend... don’t go for that guy. He sounds like a train wreck and he will most definitely keep stringing you along for as long as he can. He also sounds pretty immature. You can do better.

[askmeanything875]

I know it can be hard but you should let him go he is not worth your time if he can't see what he had in you then he never will.

[the_bruh]

First of all he's afraid of relationships, he's afraid you're not the right one for him. Let him realise why his ex left him. Then he'll know

[Loveydove]

Let it go and runnnn as fast as you can. The red flags will not change over time. They may even get worst.

[BlueScorpio]

If he has many red flags then whats the point? Drop him.

[DizzyDesii]

you're suffering. Thats enough to let you know its toxic and you should leave him

[Browneye57]

Oh dear, he must be some catch. Why in hell are YOU wasting YOUR time? This is on YOU, not the idiot.

[I_make_me_anxious]

Dude I’m not even gonna read this whole thing because YOU ANSWERED YOURSELF IN THE QUESTION!!! HE HAS RED FLAGS! SO NO-

[TeddyGotT]

>he has many red flags

That should be all you need to think about

[TheAfrikan]

You did your best and you played your part like agrown up.
So just let him be, he needs more time I guess. so if he wants he will reply back.

[pleasestopthis]

If a guy shows even one red flag he is out. The only way you get close to someone with red flags is to have quick sex and that's it. Next.

[iFarted]

Why would you even have to question it if he raised many red flags?

[oldermale]

Listen to your gut instinct

[oldermale]

Probably should read, Follow your gut instinct lol