My boyfriend ghosted me after a disagreement, is it over?

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing my boyfriend (43) on and off for a year. I'm 30, we got into a disagreement bc I confronted about some things he was following on Instagram. Rather perverted things, at first I didn't know how to bring up. After meditating & some introspection I talked to him about it, I told him that it didn't sit right with me but I wasn't asking him to stop following these things bc that's who is & what he likes but I hoped that after he knew how I felt about it he'd make a change on his own if he cares about me. I told him to give me a couple of days to think things through about it & within those two days he insulted me over text. I told him what he said hurt & he said it at least got me to respond to him. Then I ended the conversation by saying have a good day bc we weren't even supposed to be in contact so I can clear things in my head. He told me that he meant his insult after I cut the conversation short & said have a good day as well. The next day he completely blocked me on Instagram, I text him saying that it sucks how he would rather insult me & block me on Instagram instead of work on things, he replied a day later saying he wasn't prepared for the digital invasion. After that I text him & it never showed that he read it and he hasn't replied. I text him saying I'm not happy with the way things were. This was 4 days ago. I text him again today asking what's up since I haven't heard from him in 5 days & it still doesn't show he's read my messages. I'm starting to think he blocked my number, what do you all think? Is it over? I'm going to attempt to call him but I'm giving it a few more days before I do that to see if I'll hear from him. I'd be devastated if this is his way of ending things, without closure. The guy is cool & I care about him, perhaps this shows he didn't want to be in a committed relationship.

Updates

+1 y

Supposed to say 43 not an emoji.

[Finchie40]

It’s over , 5 days without hearing from your partner just goes to show he doesn’t value you and doesn’t really care about you , when someone can go that long without trying to work things out that just shows their true character , you also made the mistake by telling him you needed a few days to clear your head. , when you’re in a relationship , someone should never need that much space from a partner , it just shows your true character as well , that you are selfish , even though you had a disagreement with him over his Instagram it should of only took you a few hours or even a day at the most to address the issue to him and talk it out , when someone needs that much space from someone it just shows you don’t really care about that person and it gives that other person more time to think negative thoughts because the longer you wait and need space just adds more resentments. So you are best just to move on cuz 5 days of not hearing from a supposedly loved one just goes to show they really don’t love you , they like the convenience of you , so if he decides to call you back you’re best to just end it or your just wasting your time with someone that doesn’t value you

[Simplismilez]

So while I agreed with your point about him not caring. I think you are wrong about people not needing that much space. It varies from relationship. My husband and I take some vacation time from each other once in a while just to kinds reset things. We still love each other. And always work through our bullshit. But you can't tell someone that they can't take a few days away from the person that they're in a relationship with. Being together all the time is not healthy. We all need alone time.

[Asker]

Agreed, we all need alone time. It's good for mental health.

[Finchie40]

But the difference between this and what you and your husband do is different because you and your husband have a healthy relationship and you both communicate with each other , you aren’t going on vacation without telling him and leaving him high and dry , you are both telling each other I love you and you’re both leaving on good terms , with this situation 2 people are leaving each other with poor communication and resenting each other

[Finchie40]

And yes it’s ok to take alone time when you are both happy in a relationship, it isn’t ok when You are fighting and arguing then. Disappearing for 5 days , if I was married and my wife did that I would be heading to divorce court , and if my wife was constantly taking vacations without me and making it clear I was excluded then I would feel something was off , you shouldn’t need that much time away from a loved on is all I am saying especially when you are arguing

[Simplismilez]

That doesn't mean what she did was wrong. It just means she's with a toxic person. No matter how much you try to communicate a toxic and abusive person won't see it that way. She did nothing wrong here. So please stop trying to guilt her

[Finchie40]

Not blaming her at all, I am just clarifying the reasons behind what the situation is here, and yes the guy is the toxic one here , I was just saying her actions towards him could of added to his actions

[thomual]

It sounds to me like you're the one who ghosted him. As for confronting him about porn, you have a lot to learn about men and porn. I know it hurts, but it's not as personal as it feels.

If you're not into the same kinks as him, then give him his privacy. Otherwise fulfill his fantasies. Do you love him? If so bring him joy, and not shame. If you put little to no effort into being desirable to him you shouldn't he surprised if he finds pleasure looking at others who do put that effort in. If you do satisfy him physically and aesthetically then you have nothing to be jealous of.

What I'm saying is be his fantasy, or leave it alone. Satisfy his eyes and body, or not, but if you choose to not, dont blame him for looking at others. Expecting to be the only source of female aesthetic pleasure he has is offering yourself as an alternative. Only a wife can hope to come close to occupying a man's mind that wholly and exclusively.

I think you're asking for more than you are willing to provide. Do you dress up for him every day? Do you wear what he likes or what you yourself like? Do you take care of his physical needs and fantasies? Have you pledged to stay by his side after he has only eyes for you? What would happen to him if he saw only you and then you married another man? Would he be doomed to be alone forever? Do you deserve that kind of devotion? Do you really want it?

[Anonymous]

Wow really a 43 year old would had expected at his age to worked things out like an mature adult. He sounds like my 28 year old brother. He does that all the time when with the girls his dated. Not all guys are like this. Honestly find someone else and closer to your age ranged. This is why huge age gaps in couples never work. You are the adult here not him. Funny who come woman his age don't date him? I see a lot of red flags here. You were honestly straight forward about his actions bother you so instead of him apologising or a simple hey I'm sorry he insulted you. I hate to say it, better an honest true answer then comfort with a lie this grown ass man does not care about you if he did his would had made ends to work things out conversation with you. Head up sweet girl you are beautiful never let an selfish jack ass bring you down. Honestly you can do way better then him. Yet man complain oh why can't I find the righ chick when man have the right girl and not realized it.

[sheikalana]

And then people say that age is just a number SMH. If a 43 year old guy acts like this imagine how a 25 year old guy behaves. Anyways, my dear it seems like he probably blocked you and is obviously showing signs of not wanting to talk to you right aka give him some space. I know it's very tempting to try to contact him but you gotta be strong now and think about yourself and only yourself. Do not contact him, give him some space (weeks, months) when he's ready and if he truly cares for you he will get in touch with you and try to figure things out. It's time for you to focus on yourself, medidate, read, do what you love, spend time with your loved ones, enjoy life. Be strong. Your peace is not negotiable. You'll be alright.

[coachTanthony]

------------------Look if that guy ghosted you over a disagreement then what is going to happen when a serious issue arrises. He has obviously shown that he is either not mature enough to communicate in a thoughtful manner or he just doesn't care enough about you to do so.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Zarapeachy]

I wouldn’t ask if he is ending it... but more if I should end it. See the cycle. You brings up something you don’t like but instead of solving it or finding a solution, he gets upset then the original argument goes to a bigger argument that was uncalled for. So ease up your mind and then call if you want to. But I’d leave the relationship.

[Asker]

I thought the same thing! Sucks that instead of trying to find a way to fix things he'd rather insult me & that made it worst!

[Simplismilez]

I would cut your losses. While you may care about him in the end his behavior is showing you that he's selfish and bordeing abusive. Just think you had a small confrontation. What happens when thay escaltes to something bigger. The fact thay he insulted you is straight up toxic behavior. Never feel bad for needing time to think. Sometimes you need time away from your relationship. But if your partner isn't willing to give you that time then that's toxic and will turn abusive very quickly. I'm sorry. I know it's a fucked up way to end things but I'd not even bother calling or reaching out again.

[Myk13]

It’s over. I would assume that he knows that he is not going to change. You gave him an easy way out when you asked for a couple of day to figure things out. He gone. Accept it for the reasons that you needed a couple days to figure it all out. Ghosting, blocking and ignoring somebody that you say you cared about is childish and immature. More and more it seems to be the way people end relationships anymore. What happened to the “it’s me, not you” days. Now just run and hide from it and it will go away.

[socksguy]

Sounds like he’s not ready to be in a relationship for a lot of reasons. One of which is an inability to communicate. Move along. Plenty of quality guys out there hoping they find someone willing to communicate.

[Asker]

Thanks for your feedback

[spuitkaas]

Kick him to the curb. He's insulting you, blocking you and ignoring you. Still you text and call him. This is not how you want to be treated. Have some higher standards on how you want to be treated and let it go. I know it's hard, but there are so many good men out there that can treat you right. You just have to realize your worth and how you want to be treated.

[abc3643]

Move on.
You have to ask: Why is he single at 43?
None of the answers are good and I have a feeling you are discovering some of them.

[Asker]

Discovering some of the answers to why he's single at 43?

[socksguy]

@abc3643 People are single for a lot of reasons. Some are very good reasons. Stop generalizing everyone lest it be done to you.

[abc3643]

@socksguy Considering I was single until I was 38.5, I am well-aware of those reasons for me.
This guy is giving major clues to his reasons and they aren't good.

[Asker]

They aren't good reasons for him to be single or they aren't good things he's doing?

[abc3643]

Both.

[abc3643]

For "43" he acts more like a 23 year old.
He is waaaay to immature and THAT'S ONE reason why he's been single until now (or divorced).

[Ayanna240]

A large portion of those who are single at 43, have a reason to still be single. And usually it isn’t a good reason.

[MannMitAntworten]

It is over. I think the day you brought this stuff up and said you needed time to process it all effectively ended for him. I realize you might still care about him but from what you shared, he’s done. Continuing to try to contact him will likely only push him further. If he wants to reach out, let him do it on his own and not force him any further.

[SwanHale]

The older you get in relationships the more you have to wonder why the person is not married with kids at that age. It’s one of the biggest red flags that is so obvious to me as a young person that so many older women don’t even think about. He’s had two decades to find somebody and hasn’t. Red flag. A pass for it is if they have been married for years and just got divorced. Or very very very rare chance the truly TRULY haven’t found the right one for them at almost 45 (even though I doubt it).

[Elsa143]

BREAK UP with him. Firstly argument is a normal part of any relationship. It's not like you stole his kidney and sold it.
Ghosting you is not only disrespectful but also a tight slap with an insult.
I SWEAR DON'T TAKE HIM BACK. Even if he comes back crawling like a crippled ass.

[Elsa143]

Why you dating an old hag when there are plenty of better things? He is a total piece of shit. Old and shameless. He is following perverted things then it's A RED FLAG. You telling him won't change the fact that he's a womanizer

[Ayanna240]

Listen girl , you’re better off with a younger guy. And why do you think a guy would be single at 43? There must be a reason. Usually it’s not a good one

[Warmapplecrumble]

He seems childish to leave a real girl over a image that isn't real, leave him be with robots. Find a man who wants human contact.

[cc-catlady]

Thats for you to decide. Seems to me he's being immature af if he's doing that as a boyfriend to you, so why wouldn't it be over if you have to question him on here instead of just knowing in your head to not talk about with your mind at peace

[TessCasie]

Please pull back! Leave him alone.

I felt annoyed reading how much your trying and he doesn’t even care. Moreover the fact he said I don’t want digital invasion. Clearly means just leave him alone.

[Oigit]

Social media: creating relationship issues since it was created.

[Anonymous]

You tried to pressure what you want untill he would give up and done how you want, that how it looked.

And that usually means possessive personality (you will try to fix all his life, when he likes, like it is) and he is not fine with it..

[pleasestopthis]

He sounds pretty immature for his age. You better move on... if he can't even deal with this in a civil way then don't expect him to go with you against every odds

[TheAfrikan]

It might be That he needs some time alone to think about it.

[Alwayreckles93]

What makes you think that this poor girl is hurt.

[TheAfrikan]

@Alwayreckles93 if I try to judge by her post lol

[Anonymous]

Turn it around on his ass and be the one to ignore him. He will come back once he understands that you’re not chasing him, but if he doesn’t, it should not be a problem because he showed you who he is and you should not accept that anyway.

[spartan55]

Instagram kills another relationship.

[Asker]

Ah, f****** Instagram!! This pains me.

[spartan55]

I think you sort of backed him into a corner. Guys don't typically like that too much.

[Asker]

Maybe, I don't know..

[spartan55]

Sounds everything had to be your way. What was it that he was following that was so bad?

[Asker]

Instagram sluts for lack of better words. Spit fetish, girls sticking their tongues out.

[spartan55]

So you feel him following/looking at that was enough to end the relationship? Why doesn't he just watch porn?

[Asker]

He does watch porn & I have nothing against it. I didn't end it at all, I told him it didn't sit right with me but wasn't going to ask him to stop bc that's who he is. I hoped that after I told him how I felt he'd care enough to unfollow those things. Watching porn is totally different then following sluts on Instagram he can easily contact which is why I'm fine with the porn but not the Instagram stuff

[Asker]

After I told him how I felt, he insulted me, blocked me & hasn't talked to me in 5 days.

[Gisellelighting]

Next.

[spartan55]

Won't be long.

[Gisellelighting]

Pretty sure