My boyfriend says I’m too sensitive? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Hi guys. I’m a very tough 24F girl (college athlete, mountain biker) but when it comes to some emotional stuff my boyfriend says I need more confidence/I’m too sensitive:

1.) I cry sometimes when I get yelled at or he raises his voice a bit at me, even if he’s giving advice. He often gives tough love talks
2.) I’m very timid & polite and I often talk quietly around people and am very, if not too considerate
3.) I am a bit shy, and it’s hard for me
to be confident sometimes around people. But once I open up I’m okay. He’s very confident & has no problems and his confidence is intimidating to me.

Does this sound too sensitive? I really wish I wasn’t like this. I didn’t know that guys had less emotions. How do I get over things & be more confident? I really wish he was more empathetic, but I really like him and don’t know what to do. His lack of empathy is putting a huge strain on relationship and one of the reasons I’m drawing away. I’m really not confident at all & think he is going to break up w me soon.

[Anonymous]

If he’s not happy with who you are then he can and should find someone else? Let him go girlfriend. I don’t mean to sound callous but it’s OKAY to be a sensitive considerate person. It’s also okay to be bold and not sensitive like him. WHAT IS NOT OKAY THOUGH, Is him shaming you and making you feel that you need to change to better suit him? Um no. You are who you are so he can take you or leave you. Be proud of the sensitive caring person that you are! You are a part of the “helpers” in the world and that’s great! serves an awesome purpose 👏🥰🙌 If he decides you’re not for him, that’s okay! Your worth is not wrapped up in his approval. Sounds like maybe you guys just aren’t a good fit?

[Asker]

Thank you so much!!!

[MzAsh]

Men don’t have less emotions. They have the same emotions women do, only it takes longer for men to process emotions and when they do, they express them differently.
Your bfs yelling would piss me off and I’d have to require him to check his tone when speaking.
I’d definitely deal with him in a more firm way, but no one can sit here and say your emotions are wrong. However, they are putting you in a dangerously vulnerable position in relation to him. He’s trying to over power you, and I suggest you don’t continue to let him if you want this relationship to last.

[Tyrael]

It's ok to be sensitive, but sometimes it pays to be thicker skinned. I'm sure he's not trying to change you completely, he's just trying to show you that it's ok to be tough when the situation calls for it.

And it's not that men have less emotions, we experience all the same emotions that you do, it's just that a lot of men are conditioned to not express those emotions. It gets bottled up inside or sometimes expressed through anger.

Nowadays it's not so bad, but most women still don't want emotional sensitive caring men, no matter how much they claim otherwise.

[RenegadeSailor]

It sounds like he really cares about you, I don't put effort into someone like that if I don't like her.

You need to adjust your thinking, it isn't that he lacks empathy, it sounds to me like this guy is a survivor.

It sounds like when things get hard he will execute a plan and figure shit out.

[Asker]

Thanks. He’s actually been through a. Lot. That’s why I think he’s very short with me.

It’s almost like his problems have been so great; he gets annoyed quickly when other people complain. It’s really quite sad & frustrating. I’m learning to just live w it & deal with my own problems

[RenegadeSailor]

That is exactly what it is.

I had a very rough upbringing then got badly injured in the Navy.

I have been through quite a bit, and for me when people complain it is often difficult because they actually have it so easy.

The best thing you can do is give him lots of affection. Like rub his back, cuddle up and hold his arm. Those kind of gestures will help soften that shell.

For people like us we're very slow to let others in.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. I tried to show affection but I’m very shy myself. I would try to reach out & touch his arm or rub his head while he was working but never really got a response. He would also turn away while cuddling or walk away

He actually just broke up with me so trying to deal. Thanks again; I’ll try that next time with the next boy

[RenegadeSailor]

Good luck to you.

[OverAndOverAgain]

It does sound sensitive, but that is okay. Your boyfriend also has to accept that and maybe grow too.
You might have to grow to be a bit tougher, but he has to come down and maybe give less tough advice. I also used to give tough love advice, but it's not always good.

[Steve1071]

He sounds like a little bit of an asshole. He needs to understand that you’re sensitive and that he needs to throttle down his anger and learn to be gentle with you along with giving you constructive criticism. Now if you’re the type metaphorically speaking cries over spilled milk you need to see a counselor.