What should I do about my coworker?

[Anonymous]

A few weeks ago I went out with a couple of my coworkers at a bar. We all had a great time and we were all drunk by the end of the night. Well, I went back to one of my coworker's place. Let's nickname him Reynold. Well, Reynold also lives with another coworker of mine. We're all in the same department.

We went back to their place, played video games. Drank more. Well, Reynold and I ended up in his bed. At this time he knew I had an office crush on him. And well one thing lead to another and we had sex. We were both extremely drunk so it's all a bit blurry.

Well by that Sunday he talked to me about it and let me know he wasn't interested in any kind of a relationship. I thought he meant friends also so I was hurt a lot. I told him I'm fine with not being friends. He stated that no he still wanted to be friends. The next day at work was a bit weird, I ended up feeling guilty and told him that I would stay friends. I even went the next weekend to have fun to show I can be friends. He even turned down sex because of professionalism but wanted to stay drinking buddies.
Since then he's been ignoring me a lot, even work-related. Not really talking to me the way he used to. I have decided to move on and I'm not even going to bother anymore. He makes me feel so insecure.

But wtf? I feel like he's messing with me on purpose now. I feel like I am making the right decision by keeping my distance from him. I'm just confused about why the hot and cold.

Am I missing something or am I making the right decision by distancing myself personally from him? I'll be fine professionally, I don't think he would bring it up at work because there's a promotion he wants and I'm the same way too. I wouldn't bring it up.

[nachosaresexy]

I had a pretty similar situation, where things happened unexpectedly, and it was definitely awkward after that. It just takes time (and maturity from everyone involved) to move on and hopefully let things ease back into normal friendship territory.

I think it's fine to give him space, but don't make it seem like you're straight up ignoring him either, or he might get weird vibes like you're trying to play games with him.

I wouldn't avoid hanging out in the same social gatherings but try not to let things slide toward the hook up possibility either. Does that make sense?

[nachosaresexy]

I'm curious to get your opinion about a related question. If you don't mind can I message you to try to explain?

[Asker]

So basically he needs space because he rejected me? He knew I liked him, he rejected me, and now he's the one ignoring me. He wasn't interested in me so why would he need space?

[nachosaresexy]

I don't think it's that he *needs* space - I think he just feels awkward about how everything played out, and awkward about how to interact with you. Like the "elephant in the room" sorta thing.

[Asker]

It's not awkward for me. I guess so.

[nachosaresexy]

When I went through a similar situation with a coworker, I definitely felt awkward afterwards. Nothing negative, it just changed the dynamics and make me less comfortable approaching her.

[Asker]

Yeah; I guess it's just more salt to the wound for me bc I'm the one who was rejected and I'm fine with things yet it's awkward for him. Only time will tell. And making things awkward after we made things right? Like really? Makes sense after the night but weeks after, all sudden it's awkward.

[nachosaresexy]

Yeah I get what you're saying. If it's more than him just feeling awkward to the point of acting strange, and he's truly trying to just ignore you, then that's pretty f*cked up and you shouldn't waste any more time with the guy.

So maybe just give him space, whether it makes sense or not, and see how he acts/responds.

Not sure if you saw my message earlier but do you mind if I message you with a separate question? Not trying to be a pest... just curious to get your female perspective.

[jazzygirl0826]

I don't blame you for distancing yourself. At the same time, maybe you should talk to him. Maybe I misunderstood, but he turned down sex the next weekend? This sounds like you offered it to him. If he wanted to be friends, why would he have sex? I know, friends with benefits is a thing, but did he say that's what he wanted? Maybe that's why he started ignoring you. Well, it doesn't really matter that much (unless it matters to you). If you want to continue to be friends, just ask him how he feels about the whole thing. He has his own perspective, including things in his life that might be going on that you don't know about. Just try to show him that your friendship means a lot to you, and that you want to make up and get back to how things used to be. You can do whatever you feel is best! :)

[Asker]

Well, when we had our talk he thought I had feelings for him. I said crush, like causal dating or friends with benefits, I never told him I was looking for a serious relationship but that's how he took it. He flirts with all the married girls at work. Even got one drunk one night. So something about him just makes me question his true intentions. I personally don't think we should be friends. Him blatantly ignoring me while I'm trying to be a friend makes me not want to be his friend even more.

[jazzygirl0826]

He sounds like an ass. I would definitely avoid him.

[jazzygirl0826]

Sorry for my language.

[spartan55]

I don't think he's messing with you on purpose, that's a pretty big stretch. He probably just feels awkward about it, and your initial reaction didn't help things.

[Honesttguy]

Feelings willess with mind just remind yourself to keep it cool give it time and space, and keep light short conversations not related to relationships. Friends