Is being caring, innocent, naive, helping , a curse?

[Anonymous]

I am just too caring, innocent and naive.
And many of times I am just taken for granted.
I am just too caring when it comes to someone I like or love, and eventually get hurt.
I just want to be a good human first.
But for the most part I have taken too lightly.
And when it comes to girls. It back fires on me for caring or just being helpful.
It's have gotten difficult for me to be like this.
Sometimes, I feel like I should be selfish from time to time.

[TurboKid]

The balancing trick I've found if you're hyper-empathetic is to not confuse submission for kindness. There is nothing impressive about the gentle sheep since sheep are always gentle. There is something impressive about a gentle lion that retracts its claws. The difficulty of being a gentleman is the "man" part, not the "gentle" part. It's easy to be a gentle boy, and it's at least easier to be a cruel man than a gentle one. It's tough to be a gentleman, and it requires a whole lot more than being gentle and having good intentions.

If you get in the habit of acting like a servant, you will often be treated like one. Or you can act like a benevolent king, and then you will be treated like a king while still being able to treat others very well.

Most importantly, I think it would help you to learn to disagree firmly with girls if you don't already. True kindness sometimes requires saying things to people that they don't want to hear, and being genuine requires saying things you actually think that people don't want to hear. I think if you get in the habit of doing this, more girls will respect you because they won't confuse you as someone just trying to say whatever you think they want to hear like a servant or a wolf in sheep's clothing with ulterior motives to get in their pants.

[SueShe]

While I agree with you, I do not view al sheep as being gentle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf3aAtNK8Sk

[TurboKid]

So the two biggest suggestions I have is:
1) Try to develop a dominant body language and way of carrying yourself. This will make people perceive you more like a strong protector of people rather than a weak servant while still allowing you to be as kind and caring as you want.
2) Be assertive. Speak your mind more freely even to the people you like, and even if it's a gamble. Disagree with them if you disagree. If they really need to hear something for their own benefit even if it's not what they want to hear, take the risk and say it. Even if they hate you for it, you did a good deed.

[SueShe]

Now this is something I can fully endorse... :-)

[TurboKid]

@SueShe Touche! I might need to fix my metaphors. :-D I think I was appealing to a stereotype rather than the actual thing.

[SueShe]

Of course you were and I was just pulling your leg!

[pajamasam]

I've felt the exact same way before. All my life I felt like people kept telling me how to act and be the best gentian possible and I tried my damndest to meet those standards.

Then I found out that people don't want a gentleman, they grow tired of it. They run you over, abuse you, manipulate you to the point that beinf a gentleman feels more like being a door mat.

There's a delicate balancing act that men sadly are never taught. They are forced to find it on there own. No one teaches young boys that, yes you need to be a gentleman, but there comes a line in the sand where you have to press pause and so, hell no, I demand more respect than thus.

Its a delicate balancing act. Once I still have not mastered myself. When is the right times to be polite and when is the right times to demand to be heard?

When is the right time to stand firm? When is the right time to be forgiving?

You must learn to choose your battles, and fight the ones worth fighting. Because if you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything.

[Blackcupcake]

I think there should be a balance. It seems like being that nice has already backfired on you several times, but there’ll be a time where it backfires hard and that will definitely scar you. You don’t wanna go through all that, just learn how to be selfish at times.

[1stranger]

Nope.