Are men really visual creatures?

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Since a few days i have getting signs from nearly everywhere that men are visual creatures and if you don't provide them somethinh to look /stare at they will lose interest in you? Is it really true. Like you guys really care about how my thighs and waist look? Can't i find love if my body isn't perfect?

Updates

+1 y

In long distance i have been constantly asked for photos, like what's this obsession with seeing my photos everyday. I just hate this. Even if i look good, and am in shape i hate sharing photos every now and then but whenever i say no to his requests he gets sad and angry and stood talking!! Why

[iluvtoknow]

I've read some of the comments you left on the other opinions, and you seem like a really nice person. Please don't let all the comments in agreement with your premise get you down. Sometimes it's really hard to understand how the opposite gender thinks, especially when you want something (like love or affection) from them and don't know where to start. But questions like these are ultimately generalizations, and while some people may find some truth in them, there will always be plenty of people for whom it's not the case. There is just as much diversity among men as there is among women, of course. The results you see only really show that there is a trend that people on GaG are largely 'visual creatures' in the way you described it.

By and large, that need not be the case. Stephen Chbosky wrote in "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" that "we accept the love we think we deserve," and I think that that holds true. If you want a guy who's not going to be obsessed about looks over one's personality, you just have to make sure you don't settle for any less. People like that are out there, although perhaps they may not be in the places you're used to looking.

As for the constant mantra that "men are visual creatures," we live in a sexualized society. The internet has made pornography ubiquitous. Feminism has promoted promiscuity among women, and approached equality among the sexes largely from bringing everyone into a more sexed-up ideal. Hook-up culture's everywhere in colleges, sex sells in marketing, etc. etc. It's everywhere. And since it's human nature to fit into your societal norm, more and more people buy into it every year as well.

But it's just as much a human ideal to want to find people who complement who they are—to seek companionship, love, and affection. Frankly, I think that's a dream for a lot of people (at least among educated people), even if they give up on it or don't think they have the ability to attain it. It's certainly my dream, and I don't want to see my girlfriend scantily-clad or have sex with her until I'm married for those reasons—I'd much rather spend my time developing a deeper bond with her.

People's priorities just differ. It is true that I think men get more of a sexual kick out of women's bodies than vice versa, and for men who prioritize sex (or aren't looking for long-term things for whatever reason) that's certainly something important to look into. Some people do it because they're accustomed to thinking that's what they do. And some people do it because they have no self-control, even when that self-control could do them favors in their relationships and in life. People are different.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that you can't find a simple generalization to lump up men. You just have to figure out what you want and look for it. We're young; we have time to improve ourselves right now, so there's no need to settle for something less than what we deserve (unless you're being hypocritical in your desires.) So don't.
Men aren't all superficial. I wouldn't even say most are. But certainly the loudest are. And it's probably the same with women.

I also think there's a tendency among women to gravitate towards a certain type of smooth, alpha (for lack of a better word) men, who might be predisposed to certain sexual attraction-first ideas of 'love,' that pervert those women's opinions of men as a whole.

Please feel free to comment if anything unclear or you want to talk further; I always love getting responses!

Oh, and if all of this is rooted in a man just asking for pictures of you (and I assume innocent-ones, not sexy ones), I don't think that really has any bearing on this—people like to know who they're dating. I can't imagine not seeing the person I'm falling for. But if you're talking about someone you already know asking for sexy pictures when you're away, that's a different story, and see the above.

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Sorry the reply is going to be long.

I am glad that you gave your brilliant opinion on this thing. I was so much in awe while reading your response that now i just forgot the minute details you have put into your response. First of all pleasevwrite a thesis on this topic. I am sure you can write anything or everything so brilliantly.
Now coming back to your whatever you said, i agree to that. Since i also generalised men into a category, i didn't question back anyone who said yes men are visual creatures so do women are. I am sorry for the generalisation. Though when i typed that question all i was thinking that most men will say no it's false, we just love girls, we don't care about how they look. But i think i was wrong in assuming that. Most of the men agreed to the question raised and boasted about their opinion. I don't think it's a thing to be proud of that guys are visual creatures, they just look for body parts, good face and nothing else!!!

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

What you said about most people's dream is true for me as well. I have always been an introvert, least attractive, nerd all through my school. When i went to college all my hopes were gone bcs it was a women's college. And now i am at home all alone. In my school, i sometimes felt so lonely and ugly that i never thought i could ever find a boyfriend. And by boyfriend i never thought of getting in a shallow relationship just to show off (as some girls in my school did). So luckily ibwas told that a boy likes me. He was very intellingent, a full time nerd and was not that attractive. But then i just fell for him when i started talking to him and he showed me somelove. But suddenly he said me really bad things, insulted me for my looks, my body and what not and i was broken up. Likevit was my first relationship. I just knew after that that no one will ever love me truly. Then i was aproached by some stranger on instagram. I was stupid girl back then i talked to him. He was good. Whenever hevasked me for a photo i gave it tonhim. But then one fine dy he also started advicing me that ibshould eat less, do this, do that, he was just being a dad and not friend forget about being a boyfriend. I got really pissed and then i stopped talking to him. By then ibknew everyone of them were the same. Unfortunately i met shallow guys which shaped my perspective towards men. Now i feel that men only ask for photos to judge the girl and then decide if he can fall in love or not. I think i am preconceived with thoughts and assumptions but i can't help myself!

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Since you have written everything so properly i feel ashamed of the grammatical errors i have made, which i can see now when i re read my replies. I am sorry for that. Please don't get pissed off.

[iluvtoknow]

Hahaha, you flatter me; and there's definitely no reason to apologize for a long reply!

It looks like you've had some bad relationships then, and it makes sense at least somewhat. Instagram is naturally a visual medium, so relationships that are formed on it (alongside most relationships formed online for that matter) are going to be more sexually based than other ones. As for your other relationship, it seems like you had some bad luck. But there are usually some things you can do to avoid that stuff.

Genuine relationships with genuine love are built over long periods of time, with a solid foundation of friendship and care under everything. And perhaps least intuitively, the more you crave them and explicitly look for them (unless you have solid conviction and self-control), the more you may be blinded to certain signs that the people you're looking at might be the wrong ones for you.

There's no need to rush and there's no need to wait to be approached either. Work on improving your own life. You sound like you're fresh out of college. Pursue your hobbies, get your work stuff together, have fun, etc. As people you like show up in your real life, befriend them, and then slowly develop your platonic (later romantic) relationship with them. Think Percy and Annabeth in Percy Jackson or even the Doctor and Rose in Doctor Who. In both cases, the relationships are based on people growing to care for each other after spending lots of time with each other.

I think that when sexy stuff is near the foundation of a relationship, it often becomes the foundation of the relationship, and that's never good for the purposes you and I seem to be looking for. Plus, working on improving your own life will make you more attractive in the long run too!

[iluvtoknow]

As for your perspective towards men, I'm not sure if you're saying that you have an ingrained understanding that men are shallow, but if so, that's a prejudice and you should try to correct it. It's not fair to the men you might meet in the future, even if you do find one who might be right for you.

As for you're coming from a women's college, that's alright! Life's a long ride, there's plenty of time in the future. And depending on your circumstances, there might be opportunities in the present too! Maybe try to get out more! That doesn't have to be late-night drinking and kissing random strangers or whatever, it could be as simple as finding a nice cooking class or ballroom dancing class outside of the university or getting art classes. The more you do, the more people you'll meet (but always make sure you have an interest in what you're doing.) Keep high standards, and make sure you keep them for yourself too.

Also, despite everything I've said above, looks to matter to a certain extent. Sure, I've been combating the view that sexed up physical womanhood is not the be-all-and-end-all of male attraction, but it's always important to keep your body healthy, be hygenic, wear decent clothes, etc. I suppose that really means, take care of yourself physically.

[iluvtoknow]

But yes, of course stay out of relationships where you're mistreated, or the guy is pushing things on you that you don't want, vel sim.

In summary, if you want a relationship like described, keep an open mind, look for men in person, develop relationships slowly and organically, and don't make getting a boyfriend your priority—make your self-actualization a priority and getting a boyfriend a side project. Keep up the spirits, and never yield on the kind of person you want!

Thanks for responding to my other questions by the way. Let me know if you've got anything else you want to say. Have I answered your questions?

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Yeah i have literally gave up on this relationship thing. I am trying to bring out the best version of myself. But sometimes it just becomes hard to live alone without anyone to talk to and that's the time when i lose my mind, my patience and everything i have.

I am in third year of college, i still hv one year to finish but this pandemic has made me to sit at home and rot away.

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Yes i will not make getting boyfriend my priority. Yes you have answered all my questions brilliantly and i am thankful to you for doing that.

[iluvtoknow]

Yeah, I feel that. The pandemic's rough; really glad it's finally ending! Don't let it get to you though; life's going to be on the up and up from here on out!

[iluvtoknow]

Awesome, well I wish you the best of luck then! Feel free to comment if you end up having more to say.

[FunkyMonkee]

If a stick with tits walked into a room, we'd all look!!
I can't speak for most guys but, you don't HAVE to provide us with ANYTHING!! Just be YOU! If that's not good enough for him, B'byyyye!! Look all you want but keep right on walkin'!!!
And, if all they're interested in is eye candy, chances are, they aren't gonna be worth it OR loyal to you!! Like I said, I can't speak for all guys because I'm a different case. when I got into my first LTR, I told her flat out, "I'm GONNA look at other girls but, that DOESN'T mean I'm shopping around!! To me, they're just like beautiful works of art and I'm just admiring them for that! YOU'RE the one I'm madly, passionately in love with!! YOU'RE the one I want spend the rest of my life with!! NO ONE is gonna take me away from you!!"
Even though I actually had other offers while I was with her for those 10 years, I turned them ALL down!!! I had what I wanted and that was all there was to it!!
As for your body not being perfect, in the first place, who wants that? A world full of Barbie Dolls would be pretty boring!! Would you like a world full of Kens? Secondly, you don't HAVE to be perfect to find a guy!! Mu uncle was married to a super model type and had 7 kids with her. They got divorced about 25 years later and he met another woman who was very short, chubby, bossy, had a mouth on her like a truck driver, she was loud and rude and didn't care who liked it, she drank like a fish, smoked like a chimney and had a voice that could peel paint!! He married her and had two more kids!! NOBODY liked her except him!! So, you DON'T HAVE to be perfect to get a guy!! You're personality SHOULD be the main attraction!! Your looks and body SHOULD only be the extra feature. As far as I'm concerned, any guy that doesn't think so probably isn't worth your time or effort!!

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

I hope i get men who understand this. I am confident but i have been made to feel like i am not that beautiful, i don't have that perf height and weight. I don't know. Plus the constajt requests of sending photos feels like the boy is checking upto me if i have grown beautiful in one day or not.

[FunkyMonkee]

I've know LOTS of girls that felt they were ugly when just about every guy that knew them wanted them, BADLY!! I can only assume it's a girl thing!
Sending or posting pictures is completely up to you! If you don't WANT to, NOBODY can MAKE you do it!!! I'm curious to see what you look like but, not for any kind of sexual reasons. What am I gonna do, jump through the computer and chase after you if I think you're really hot?
What people need to understand is that we are ALL JUST PEOPLE!!! As John Morris at Woodstock said, "The person sitting next to you is your brother and you damn well better treat them that way or we've blown the whole thing, right there!!" Half a million kids got together in one spot under semi--shitty conditions for about a week and the entire thing was completely peaceful!!! I have to wonder if any of them that went there are looking at this shit that's going down today and are shaking their heads in disgust after the GREAT example they set in `69!! https://youtu.be/2RDxHfvFQJI
Chances are, you can't help the way you look any more than anyone else can help how they look! Okay, so I'm a guy with 12 balls and 7 tits!! Can I help that? NO!!! Am I, basically, the same as you? Most likely, YES!! I don't like being hit in the head with a baseball bat any more than you do (unless you're a masochist). Everybody, today is having incredible meltdowns over tiny, bullshit NOTHINGS!!! They're NOT helping the world, as much as they like to THINK they are, they're HELPING THE PROBLEM!!! So you're not perfect!! Who the fuck cares!! Do YOU go around INSISTING that other people change themselves to suit YOUR likes? NO!! So, why should ANYONE expect anyone ELSE to change to suit them? FUCK `EM!!! YOU'RE YOU!!! END OF STORY!!! If anybody else has an issue with that, that's THEY'RE problem and NOT YOURS!! And, they really aren't the kind of people you should even have around you anyway!!

[FunkyMonkee]

Back in the `80's, there was a movie called, "Dream A Little Dream". In one scene, this kid went to school and the school bully came by and told this kid he didn't have enough mousse in his hair and ordered him to put more in!!! WHAT? Bully or not, where does HE get off telling ANYONE ELSE how to look? I'd knock him to the floor, pull down his pants and squirt the mousse up his ass!!! THERE!! Now you've got a CHOCOLATE mousse!!!
BE YOURSELF!! If anybody gives you any shit for it, just tell them, "Fuck you and anybody that looks like you!!"
Take care!!

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Thank you so much. Got some motivation. I get hurt if people advice me to do this or that tobchng the way i look. And i get so much hurt that i just stop the conversation with them. This has happened to me so many time. I hv literally blocked every boy at some point because they all came to me giving me advice to follow a few things to look good. They themselves were not perf. But i never asked them to do anything with their bodies or face. I just got fed with men and really stopped interacting with any boy for around 3 years. I had to forcibly interact with some boys inbschool but that were also rival kind of relations. But now i think men are only obsessed with good bodies, especially those around me. And after good bodies they only interested in sex. Which kinda disappoints me because i don't want casual things i want something permanent, an understanding partner who sees me beyond my body and my face.

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Apologies for errors. I just wrote the message in a hurry

[FunkyMonkee]

No worries, I got through the message without breaking any limbs.
You're QUITE WELCOME for the incentives!! I hope they've helped! Sounds like they did!
Not to jump back on the Woodstock horse again but, it just occurred to me that, people back then just ACCEPTED each other as they were!! You could be as weird as you liked and the only people to bitch about it would be the parents or older generation! They just didn't understand! Kinda like today, times 30!! EVERYONE IS plastic so, they expect EVERYONE ELSE to be plastic, just like them!! There's NO individuality allowed, anymore!! Now, we even HAVE to THINK like everyone else!!! Such a shame!!!
As for men being sexually obsessed, yeah, there seems to be a lot of them but, there ARE good guys out there, you just have to look for them a bit harder!
As for an over-abundance of weight, there ARE guys out there that WANT girls like that!! And, there are some guys that just don't care and it's what's in her heart or eyes that matters most to them!
There's an XTC song called, "Snowman" (and, their singer, Andy Partridge, is such a BRILLIANT writer and wordsmith!!!) and there's a line in the middle that goes,
"People will always be tempted to wipe their feet
On anything with "Welcome" written on it!"
So, just don't become that door mat and let everyone walk all over you and tell you what to do!! Chances are, they can barely even control their OWN lives, let alone YOURS!!
There's another song line! "Sunshine" by Jonathan Edwards
"He can't even run his own life,
I'll be damned if he'll run mine!!"

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Omg. I listen to both the songs you mentioned. Thanks a lot... ᐠ ( ᐛ ) ᐟ

[FunkyMonkee]

No problem! Did you like `em?

[TurboKid]

I'm very visual but not very shallow or superficial. The difference is that I put more stock into things like body language, style, mannerisms, tone of voice, than what someone says as a way to sort of determine who they are. So in a sense, I'm evaluating personality visually more than verbally.

I think I'm extreme even by men's standards but it even changes the way I experience things like music. I think most people like music in its own right. For me, the music conjures up visual images in my head. I like a song if I like the images.

Still, I think lots of women are at least somewhat visual too. After all, when a woman says she wants a confident man, how can you tell he's confident just based on what he writes? Isn't a big part of telling how confident he is using your eyes and looking at his body language and how he responds to social situations? How can you tell how confident he is just based on what he says? Do you just trust a guy who texts, "I'm very confident," to actually be so?

[TurboKid]

The only major difference I see between me and women if there is one is that I don't put that much stock into words. I think someone is humorous if they make me laugh, not when they say, "I'm a very funny person." I use my eyes and ears a whole lot to try to figure out who someone is rather than just what they say.

[ohshee]

I think most guys are visual but they also can feel you most guys don't understand what's going on. I could be walking through a mall and I will feel this energy and my eyes will go right to it and whoever I feel the energy from I will look put that feeling and the visual together I can feel the the person I'm looking at to me that's more important then the visual. I look at girls different than guys do. Most guys look at a girl and they believe the person they see is truly who they are it's not. It's the person who you cannot see. I'm interested in true beauty of a person is on the inside the real person of that body isn't on the inside heart the confidence everything about her she's on the inside show me the outside of a girl is just a bonus. The real beauty is on the inside and I can tell you right now you're very beautiful person and I don't even have to see you I can just tell by your words and the way you see and feel things

[scholastic_vibez]

Most men are visual creatures when it comes to the opposite sex in the initial first stages, then emotional, and/or intellectual attachment last.


For myself? I’m wired differently. I feel very asexual most of them time. I have to have an intellectual/emotional connection. The physical attraction usually comes last for me. I don’t think I could have a one night stand based purely on lust only with anyone unless I had the later attachment criterion I mentioned.

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Same for me

[oldasIfeel22]

Yes but we are also thoughtful creatures as well (mature men).

I’m almost 40 and I still feel strong impulses when I see an attractive woman walk by. But I sure as hell don’t act the same way about it as I did at 16. I do care about all sorts of attributes besides her looks. I also know that depending on the circumstance most women don’t like getting hit on out of nowhere (unless she thinks I’m really cute too but even then it’s a toss up).

I know my brain (and my D) well enough nowadays not to make stupid/rash decisions. But the answer is yes. Our brains are wired to be visual but we can also have self control.

[kkirk4442]

Guys are definitely visual creatures, and they notice how a woman looks, what she is shaped like, etc. That does not mean that you have to provide something for them to stare at to keep their interest. Decent guys are capable of having a loving relationship with a girl, without constant visual stimulation. If the guys needs a lot of visual stimulation to stay in the relationship, then you have a jerk, and dump him.

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Thank you so much. Maybe i have met only jerks all through my life

[TheorionMage]

The ancient Greek Philosophers espouse there ARE SIX TYPES of "Love".

Of COURSE, you CAN 'find' Love,
... whether its the TYPE of 'Love' you're seeking
depends upon HOW 'discerning' YOU choose to BE.
Males foremost are visually infatuated by female appearance indicative of
BOTH high female peer prestige and fecund vitality. 'Style' & 'fitness'.

The late wise-cracking 1940's comedian Groucho Marx,
one of the famous Marx brothers, quipped:
"I REFUSE to associate with ANY club that would accept ME... for one of IT'S members"

[loveslongnails]

You're 21, so imagine you're dealing with a boy in your age range? Yes, men are extremely visual creatures, especially under the age 25, but we always will be at any age. However, that doesn't mean we all need a "perfect looking mate" to stare at all the time. Sounds like you're dealing with a child, so you need to be an adult and tell the child to grow up because you don't date children.

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Hahaaahaaaahaaa. May be i am just trapped with a child. Actually i am going to break up with him now. Thank you answering. It gave me confidence. Have seen the webseries Ginny and Georgia?

[loveslongnails]

I started watching it, but it didn't hold my interest.

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

Thank you for*
Have you*
Ugghhh why do i type in such a hurry that i miss almost every word

[loveslongnails]

I don't know. Too much caffeine? Slow down :)

[shygirlie_xoxo_]

No i don't take caffeine in any form. It's just that my brain runs faster than my fingers and then i rush to put everything through my keyboard. Hence i miss almost every word

[loveslongnails]

I understand. Re-read your messages before clicking submit, in that case!

[padreflint]

Yes men are very much visual creatures. As far as women are concerned, we will quickly process that a woman is attractive. Meaning subconsciously she is probably healthy, able to bear offspring, and provide for offspring.

We will also quickly process that a car is nice looking. Meaning it's probably well maintained and possibly a good purchase.

We will also take visual queues of a situation and quickly process that it is possibly safe or unsafe.

So yes men are very much visual creatures. That's why, statistically more men watch porn and more women read erotic stories.

[The_Maphio]

We are visual since we are the ones starting the conversation when it's a matter of trying and match up with the other gender. Or at least, we used to do that almost exclusively since not much earlier on.
As thus, we had to feel attraction for the woman we were to approach, and since you can't understand if you're dealing with a smart woman or a chicken head by the looks, visuals is all that remains.
Sexually speaking, all of us have personal favourite parts of a woman's body taht we check out before making the decision.
Sexually wise, having sex with a woman with the lights turned off is not rare, so once the "prey" is in the net, visuals are not all that necessary anymore.

[TheBigGuy9]

Many people want makes them happy NOW. The internet, social media. Everything has gotten too easy in life. And this is especially tough on guys your age, they have zero discipline. All they want to see is tits and ass even when they aren’t horny


As far as men being visual creatures. Yes, we all are, but imagination/discipline are better. You don’t have to show me ever curve on your ass, or have half your tits hanging out. I much prefer conservative dressed in public. If we’re dating, then yes. At like a home date for me and me only, dress like a skank.
The one place that doesn’t apply is at the beach. I’m all for a thong bikini. That’s the time to show it if you got it