Why do we live in this kind of society?

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe how hurt I am. I’ve always dreamed of finding the one and creating family with them. I always believed in true unconditional love. My parents are together since high school, and now they’re 50 years old. They raised me by the most beautiful and understanding way. They’ve always supported me and were always inlove with each other. I always believed that this is the way things happen. But then I grew up and I only face disappointment after disappointment. Everyone is just about the sex and the meaningless relationships. It’s like everyone is insane. I fell in love with a guy, who is quite literally my male version. We share the same interests, we see the world from the same perspective, we want the same things, we have the same sence of humor. We even study the same thing. And god help me.. He seems unable to be in a relationship right now (or he doesn’t see me this way), and I hate this part, but when he gets drunk, he texts me sexual stuff, no matter that I told him thousands of times that I’m only in for true love, not for one night stands.
And now I’m super sad. How come someone so intelligent and so similar to me be such an asshole. I literally cried last night, because all I want to do is love him and care for him, and all he does is drunk text me for sex.. When we go out he is such a sweetheart and never talks about this stuff. But nevermind, it’s not just him. I would say that I’m a pretty girl, and I recieve sex proposals weekly. It’s just disgusting. Guys telling me about having wet dreams with me. Or telling me that one day I would agree to have sex with them. (and not to mention that guys were trying to get in my pants in very inappropriate ways many times)
It’s literally disgusting, especially when the only thing you actually want is love and commitment.

So why and who turned us into freakin’ animals. Im so disappointed. I am strating to think that I will never find the one in this crazy world. Why? Why? Why?

[Anonymous]

Decades ago the world was a very different place. The expectation was that sex was not an option with a quality woman until marriage, or at least until she was in a committed relationship for quite a while.

That all changed with the so called sexual revolution that came as part of women's liberation. Women were encouraged to have casual sex as part of being "equal" to men. But women and men are not equal in this regard. Men are genetically programmed to pursue women and have sex with them. Women are the gatekeepers to sex and are genetically programmed to be very selective about who they breed with, which means doing it with a man who is committed and will stick around to take care of her and her child. That's exactly why waiting until marriage was historically so important.

But that has all changed, and women have reset the expectations. Men now expect casual sex (that is, until they are mature enough to want to settle down with a woman) and will seek out women willing to have it with them and kick the others to the curb. That's why it's so common for men to make cheap sexual advances, send inappropriate sexual texts and use dating apps like Tinder to find willing women. Because they can... they know there are plenty of women who are willing to have casual sex with the right guy, and there's an easy way to find out it they are that guy. Guys use the shotgun approach to increase their odds, and it works.

I hate to point fingers but this a problem created by women. Women have created this condition by wanting to be "equal" to men. I'm not trying to say men are not at fault here... they are, but they are simply doing what they are generically programmed to do, and have not been taught by their mothers and fathers to NOT do like they were in the past. Yes, women are also genetically programmed to be sexually attracted to men and to want to have sex, but they are also programmed to be selective and only have sex with a guy they are confident will stick around and take care of her and her children. But too many women are ignoring the latter today. They have changed the rules and now men expect women to have casual sex with them, and they won't accept women who won't.

The worst part of all of this is that women like you, QA, feel pressure to have sex when you don't want to because you are afraid of losing the guy you care about for fear he will move on to find a woman who WILL have casual sex with him. It's an unfortunate reality that women have created for themselves, and I don't think that genie can ever be put back in the bottle. It's a done deal.

I don't know what to tell you about your guy. He may be your soulmate, but he's not mature enough yet to know it, or at least to value it as he should. His hormones are telling him he should be having sex with women, and society has told him he can and should. It's a conundrum for you and I don't know the right answer. I'm sorry.

[Asker]

I think both women and men have a finger in this problem, but as you said, there is no turning back. We’re now going to suffer from the consequences. At least some of us. People who are polygamous are having the time of their life haha! It’s just that it’s so beautiful to have sex with the right person, and so meaningless when there are no feelings. I really do feel pressured. I’ve been called a conservative person, just because I reject one night stand requests. At times I wonder if something is wrong with me. And I hate the fact that this boy is going to see that I’m different just because I wouldn’t sleep with him, and not for my other qualities. It’s just so unfair. I haven’t told him about my feelings and I won’t, because I’m afraid. I’m just suffering in silence for almost a year now. This is the first time I reach out for unbiased opinion. Thank you for the support. ❤️

[Opinion Owner]

I know you're afraid but I think you should let him know how you feel about him. I can't promise that will work out well for you but I'd be afraid you would always regret it if you didn't and you lost him. You would always wonder if it might have been different. You don't have to be too forceful but at least give the message that you care about him. I wish you the best of luck.

And I agree that both men and women are to blame for the current condition, but it has been women who changed the rules. The rules of the past were meant to prevent what we have today, and it wasn't men who pushed to change them. Not meaning to point fingers here but I think it's important to recognize the root of the problem, especially if we are ever to improve things. I don't know if that's possible but we need to frame the problem within the realties of human nature.

[Asker]

Maybe soon I will at least suggest that I actually do care about him. I’m really thankful for your advice and your honesty. I appreciate your opinion ❤️

[Opinion Owner]

One more thought I wanted to share. If you do let him know you have feelings for him, things will change, for better or worse. As a man I can tell you that when a woman shows interest in us it will change how we feel about her. If we like her and are attracted to her, it will intensify those feelings. Or if we haven't seen her in that way before then, we may begin to see her that way. But, if we are not attracted to her, it will have the opposite effect and may ultimately destroy the friendship you have. I just want to prepare you for that.

In a sense it's good either way, because if he is not interested in you, you will at least know that and can move on. And of course if he is interested in you, you will both be on the same page and things can move forward.

Anyway, I do wish you the best of luck and hope things work out for you and him.

Cheers

[Asker]

Yes, I am aware of the different scenarios that may happen, but yes, all of them actually have a happy ending. If he’s not into me at least I would know for sure and I would somehow move on. And it’s easier to ask than to read mixed signals. So yes, maybe the next time when we see each other I will do it.

[Lionman95]

I think because modern society has become comfortable. Love in modern day and age is more defined by the deeds we do instead of the emotional connection. I think it´s part of modern day, look at instagram stories or app like Tiktok, those reduce our interest and endurance to listen to other people. These short videos are already trending on Youtube.
My parents are similar to yours, my father had to ask my mum at least 3/4 out before she went dating with him because she was too insecure to dating. Modern day guys we´re easy to get bored and we´re not willing to go for the long run.
Sex is commonly around and many of us guys are influenced by porn and similar stuff. We talk a lot about porn and sex because there are things we get insecure about. There are other guys that brag because they learned that they would attract female interest with it.
Sex has become big thing because of porn. Many guys have there first intimate contact with females through porn.
We live in a world where everybody is after the fastest and best enjoyment but no one is willing to work for it.

[Asker]

I agree 100% with you. There is a reason why porn shouldn’t be allowed to kids under 18. They develop unhealthy perspective about sex and relationships. And if they never talk about sex with adults, they’ll continue to adapt to this way of thinking. I also agree about seeking the fastest and easiest way to pleasure. Those people should sit down and read some philosophy 😅. Our society has a wrong understanding of morals and principles, It’s almost like we lack any.

[Lionman95]

Yes I think people are losing integrity and values quite quickly. But I´m guilty on that, too and I also think porn should be banned from kids under 18.

[Asker]

It gets hard to resist fast pleasure. For example to resist may mean to distance yourself from social media. Getting likes on something you post gives you dopamine boost, which is related to the fast pleasure. Then you want more and more attention until you’re fully satisfied, which never happens actually. And we walk on a slippery floor. It takes a lot of mindfulness to control your behavior and to recognize it. I try my best everyday in the name of becoming a better person.

[Nazgol]

Maybe you're looking in the wrong places. Try somewhere else , where guys are serious & have intellect with relationship goals

[Asker]

I always look for relationships in more academic environment. I hate to meet people in bars and similar places, because the chance of them wanting only sex is bigger. And yet, somehow all the psychos find me wherever I go.

[Nazgol]

Maybe you somehow give out a sexual vibe?

[Asker]

I thought about this too actually. But I’m not sure why do I give out that vibe. Maybe because it’s not what I’m looking for and it attracts men. Just like the principle of chasing. When you run, you are chased, when you chase, they run.

[Vikkrram]

It's really sad to know that... how girls are been treated in our society... You know whether you are pretty or not... every girls are facing same problem i think these days...
But you should confess your feelings to that guy... that how you feel about him... Maybe you will get accepted by that guy maybe not... But at least do...
You know i like a girl in my apartment she is younger than me... i wanna chat with her... But i rarely get to see her... maybe at basement or at apartment stairs... But only for few seconds or a minute... So i know one thing that i am going to loose her... plus i am older than him... so why the hell she will take intrest in me? But in your case... you can chat with him... Go ahead and tell ur feelings...🙂

[Anonymous]

Hey I am sorry.
It's true there are way to many men out there who are way to desperate and just want to sleep around.
However not all men are like this and maybe you just haven't found the right person.
I think I am much like you I still believe in true love. I just haven't found the right girl either and I barely have time because I have to study so much.

[Asker]

The problem is that not only the men want that much sex. There are girls like this too. I never judge anyone for the way he/she lives her life, but it becomes a tendency. That’s why it’s so popular these days, because both sides agree to it.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah I agree there are girls like this as well and both sides seem to agree with it.

[Avicenna]

There are guys out there who want the same things you do. You just have to find one.

[Asker]

The saddest part is that I thought I found him. He also wants to create a stable family. But how do you want to build something like this, when you seek pleasure in meaningless sex? I just refuse to give my intimacy in return of one night “fun”. How could it be even fun if there is no love? Or am I old fashioned...

[Shah11]

Oh baby you're sweetheart but this world is not good for heart like you.

[Asker]

Don’t make me cry please 😭😭😭

[Shah11]

Let Be honest with u don't get me wrong but your type of girls very boring. I dunno what' make him to do sexting with u.

[Asker]

Hahah why boring? Im actually curious about your opinion.

[Shah11]

Boring maybe wrong word...
But you're type girl who want to be in serious relationship. Loyalty. Love. Feelings. And fuckboy like me who wants quick sex. Fuck & forget policy. So in that sense you're boring.

by the way it's a compliment.
This world is crule for heart like you.

[Asker]

Well, I try my best to preserve myself. Im actually very strong and I seem emotionally unavailable to many people. The only thing that can upset me is wanting to give love to someone who isn’t appreciating me or doesn’t seem to notice me. Because deep down I’m a hopeless romantic, while on the outside I’m with a constant resting bitch face hahaha. But I get you and your lifestyle. Maybe you haven’t found the one?

[Shah11]

I feel you the time I read your question. You want to get loved. It's not about I don't found one. But I can't stay committed to one girl more than a week. So it's better I say honestly I'm fuckboy than fucking liar.

[Asker]

Actually this is very brave of you to say! I admire your honesty. Yeah for some polygamy is better than monogamy, and there is nothing wrong about this, except if someone gets hurt in the process.

[Shah11]

Nah baby hurting someone is bad Karma... specially heart like you I never dare. No one deserves to get hurt. Baby you have heart of gold but this world is full of poor. Protect your golden heart. ❤️

[KrakenAttackin]

You can blame "go girl", YOLO, and feminism for the fundamental change in our culture.

[Asker]

There are many factors to be blamed. My life philosophy rests on the fact that we live once, but in another way. We live once, so remove toxic relationships from your life. We live once, so never skip the chance to travel. We only live once, so make sure you live the way you want to, and other basic sayings (basic is not always something wrong tho) . But somehow “ we live once, go and sleep with everyone you meet” doesn’t seem right, huh?

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker

There are plenty of good men around but they are invisible to most women. Mr. Sexting sounds like an idiot, move on.

[Asker]

Mr. Sexting is a pretty good name hahah, thank you for the support ❤️

[Iron_Man]

It’s disappointing

[Silvius]

Distroy and rebuild.