Why doesn’t my boyfriend care about sex?

[Anonymous]

So before my boyfriend and I became official he and I were seeing each other consistently and I remember during the 2nd month that we had been seeing each other, I asked him “what are your kinks?” And he replied w/ something like “I don’t really have any I never cared to look into that stuff. I just never really cared for sex” and I was like? Bc I’ve never been give an answer like that and we were having sex often the first 2 months then it became like once every week after that and personally I enjoy having sex so once a week is truly not enough for me but I wasn’t gonna demand more I just wanted to see how things keep going. When we have sex it’s good, he isn’t quiet when we fuck and I know he enjoys it but he rarely ever is the one who wants to have sex it’s usually me. Whenever I want it he’ll usually give it but there’s been about 3 times that he’s groaned when I’d ask and that honestly bothered me but I didn’t bring that to his attention Bc I didn’t feel like discussing that. So this post brings me to last night. Well, the night before I asked him for sex and he was like “do we have too? I’m tired.” And I said “okay… well, can we do it in the morning instead?” And He was like “yea If we have time” but I knew that we wouldn’t have time so we didn’t have sex that morning either. Then, last night we were in bed watching stuff on YouTube, I figured “we’re comfy, it’s close to bed time soooo-“ I asked him “can we have sex?” And he groaned and was all “you always ask right before going to sleep” and I was like “? Well when am I supposed to ask?” Bc I’m afraid of asking any other time Bc I already feel like he doesn’t even care enough about sex to have it so I just turned the other direction and he pulled me in to cuddle and then yea we had sex. My question is: do some guys just really not care for sex the way the majority of guys do? or what Bc this is so frustrating to me that my boyfriend doesn’t “need” sex as much as I’d ideally wish to have.

Updates

+1 y

To add to this post: my boyfriend and I have been together since the end of March (That’s when I made things official w/ him) although we were seeing eachother and talking to eachother on a healthy basis from jan-March [before becoming official] so we’ve technically been together since 2021 started. I don’t believe he’s doing anything dishonest because we’re good to each other, we don’t mistreat each other @ all and we laugh a lot together and I know he loves me but

Updates

+1 y

But the fact that he isn’t sexual is a head scratcher for me. I’m not his first girlfriend either, he’s had like 4 ex’s before me lol he left all of them except the last one but she left him cuz he couldn’t move in w/ her but I don’t think she cares she left Bc of her leaving for that reason & he said he didn’t feel bad for leaving any of the previous exes so I feel like they must’ve hurt him by cheating or something. He knows he never showed enough love to them so he thinks that’s why

[CindersFire]

Well obviously people have all sorts of different sex drives, and this type of conflict is inevitable in a long term relationship once you exit the so called "honeymoon" phase. Now obviously your situation is reversed from how it is generally talked about but that doesn't mean the actions to be taken are any different. I would say the first step is to talk to him and see if there's something your missing that stoping him from getting in the mood or that would get him there, while also explain your own feelings of inadequacy from being shut down. From there you journey is going to vary depending on you two, but a common solutions is to set a date (s) where you two have sex. It probably should be noted though that you are likely never going to have as much sex as you want as long as your in this relationship as to do so would be unfair to your partner and give them the same feelings of inadequacy you feel now.

[Asker]

Yeah I definitely need to find a time to talk to him about this… I just get nervous so I know a lot of this is my problem for not bringing this to his attention yet but I never know when to bring it up. W/ setting dates to have sex: I thought about that but didn’t want it to become annoying if he’s not in the mood the day we’re “planned” to have it

[hahahmm]

You don't ask a person, "can we have sex". You get them in the mood for it and then it just happens. Probably will be easier if you wear stuff he likes and/or say things he likes to hear too.

He could have some turn offs that you could be doing now too. Maybe he hates kissing you after you eat XYZ or he doesn't like you letting your dog/cat suck on your face.

[Asker]

Getting him In the mood isn’t easy Bc he’s always tired or just interested in whatever we’re watching on YouTube or whatever streaming network

[SueShe]

I think you should actually be happy to have a man that does not place so much importance on the quantity of sex. There are enough guys that think with their penis rather than with their brain.

You have 10 people and each one has a different sex drive. The one with the higher drive should always adapt to the one and not the other way round.

It is because men tend to want more sex that there are so many issues with couples. You are the exception that proves the rule.

Sex should remain on the very bottom of the priorities in relation and not on the top. Either you leave him or you adjust to him. If both stay on your positions, your relation is doomed. You must communicate and find the right middle.

[Asker]

Yea it’s nice my boyfriends not a fuckboy horn-dog about sex but i do not agree w/ sex being on the bottom of priorities.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird i think He has lower sex drive than you. You are right to want more sex. I think you can talk with him about that. Maybe He takes some antidepressant and that lowers his sex drive. Some kind of medicines can do that.

[MasseurDeMojo]

I would be getting him checked out. There could be something that is blocking his libido. I, for one, know, that if a woman ask me for sex, I am going to give it to her. I will also initiate with her (especially if we are in a relationship. I will not keep my hands off of her.). When a man does not care for sex, that normally means they could have a medical issue. It also could be due to too much porn, as watching a lot of porn changes your mind in ways that normal sex no longer excites you. Then you also have the case where the man (or woman in a relationship) is seeing someone else, so all their desire has been met.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Guys can be funny animals sometimes. We want sex when it isn't offered too easily, and don't when it is!
My advice to you is make him work for it a bit. I don't mean refuse or play games, but let him make the first move.

[Asker]

He does after a week of me not trying lol but maybe I’m just being selfish Bc of wanting it more than only once a week🙄🙄🙄

[TommyMountainFigure]

Two people with different sex drives can be a problem if you are looking to be long term with him.
I know we can all make jokes about it but if I'm being serious for a second, I have been in a relationship before where once a week became once a month and then even less. I stayed with her for 2 years because I really cared for her but In the end I had to accept we were incompatible.
I would never advise people to split because of that, but if you have a high sex drive and he doesn't, it can really get you down.
It is something to consider. Oh and by the way, no you're not being selfish,

[Bone72]

Men like sex.

Men get into all sorts of relationships to have sex.

Usually Men intiate sex but some men like to be asked to have sex.

There's no such thing like " am too tired to have sex!" Cause bad sex for men is better than no sex!

Tell him bluntly that he should keep up knowing that not having too much sex at the beginning of a relationship isn't a good sign!

[whatsthereinname]

I think the situation is reverse in most cases when it's the guy who are asking for it and who are up for it anytime

Personally.. I am

[Asker]

Yea, I know it’s reverse and it’s annoying Bc I get scared to ask Bc of him maybe not being in the mood and I just don’t get it why doesn’t he look @ sex as important?

[whatsthereinname]

I think you should have an open conversation

Tell him that it's important for you both physically and emotionally and ask him if he doesn't enjoy it ever feel to initiate

Is there something that holds him back or he doesn't find it good enough

[Asker]

I don’t think there’s anything “holding him back” I genuinely think he just gets tired and isn’t in the mood if he’s tired. I worry that I’m not attractive enough bc he never compliments me. I compliment him but I don’t really try to anymore bc of being aware that he’s only complemented me once and that was when we first started talking. I sent him a good set of sexy pictures the other day and his response was “ooo cute❤️” and I don't know I also feel like he naturally just isn’t use to giving complements.

[whatsthereinname]

There are few (including me) who don't have the habit to compliment... So that's okay

[Anonymous]

I'll have sex with you?