Would you agree on this statement: "Men are not a communicative people" ?

Question

Is it about their biology, their gender or what? But most men indeed do not like to share anything about themselves or what they do in a normal day, they rather to keep everything reserved and in secrecy.

For example my brother early this morning left the house very early in the morning cause someone came and pick him up. Before he left he just told mom and me he was going to down town, period. We dont know who the person was who came to pick him up, maybe it was a friend sure, but we dont know who it was. So he left and returned home like 5 hours later safe and sound which that was the important thing anyway. My brother is an adult.

I asked my brother where did he go since he left early and just told us "im going downtown" that is the only thing he mentioned he did not give details of the errands he was going to do with the friend who came and pick him up. I continue and ask and ask if it had something to do with a friend of him who had been illed from the last 2 months (he need a heart transplant and he is just 43). I thought maybe if it was related to that he may had been visiting the friend in his house since he left early from home or that his friend got worse or something like that but i will neer know if that was related or not.

So my brother insisted and told me again "I was in downtown", then he added : "Why you want to know? I dont have to tell you, I never asked you where you go anyway" And this is a lie beause when I go out my brother do ask me where do I go. I always say where do I go to my mom so she knows at least where I am.

Anyway, my brother always had been like that he never report to anyone where he goes or what he does, he is a secret in that, cause he says he does not like it. In fact my mom never ever in her life since my brother was younger know who are my brotehr friends, my mom or even myself never had met any friend of my brother, not even dates, lady friends, nothing

Updates

+1 y

of that my mom or me never ever knows anything, because my brotehr never shares that with her. My brother also had never ever brought his friends to the house, he kept his buddies away from us, we dont have phone numbers of his friends either, he does not like to share it with us in case something happens to him any of that we have.

SO my sister tells me dont worry at least he return safe and sound with the friend who came to pick him up then my sister adds.

Updates

+1 y

."Most men are like that they are not very communicative". I think even when it comes to dating men are also like that they dotn like to share much info of anything.

Not_Average · Accepted Answer

I can only speak for myself, but I’m pretty straight forward. I realized in my mid twenties that if I have an issue I’m dealing with emotionally, I want to deal with it head on and get it over with. The more I sit on it, the more it distracts me from my mission in life and my goals. If I hold it in, it will cause resentment and anxiety. If I communicate it and deal with it in a healthy way, then I’m able to take that weight off my shoulders and focus on my goals in life such as my entrepreneurial ventures and trying to make a meaningful impact on the world.

Most people in general are average, and I want to go above that. I at least attempt to. Average guys will get depressed after a break up and hold it in. Fuck some randoms and drink a lot. I’ve been there. Today, I’ll go straight to a therapist, read the Bible, read some self help books, and talk to some of my trusted guy friends about it.

When I’m going through shit, I always try and look at the issue from a third person perspective and logically work through it. Therapy, community, and communication all benefit my life.

I will however say that I’m selective in what needs my attention. I do believe we live in a hyper sensitive world and I believe a lot of men today are emotionally weak. Some smaller things in life tend to be healed through time and rational understanding.

I also try and look at the purpose of expressing emotions. Moaning and bitching about life with no intent other than to bitch and moan is weak. Expressing negative emotions with the intent to resolve and heal is emotional strength and maturity.

Having been in the Marine Corps I’ve seen how quickly life can be taken away. I’ve also been in circumstances in which life or death was a genuine concern. I’ve also seen guys come back from country, and drink themselves away till they end up killing themselves.

Life is way too short to be fucking around feeling depressed, resentful, or bottled up. I know I’m still very young, but it honestly trips me up thinking about how fast time goes by.

I know I’m ranting, but can you personally think about when pleasure has ever improved your character? I personally can’t. We don’t go to the dentist until we have pain. Pain is a warning light that something is wrong and needs attention. Pain is the high cost of growth. Imagine guiding a horse with a bit. That bit is designed to guide the horse through pain in which direction you want to go. Otherwise the horse has no idea where to go. Pain is a part of life, and it’s up to us to use that pain. You can take that pain to guide you to a better place, or you can let it destroy you by ignoring it. Do you choose to be bitter or better? Ignoring shit and bottling it up will surely make anyone bitter. Why would I rob myself of an opportunity to grow by isolating because I’m so concerned about how others perceive me?

I don’t have all the answers, but maybe you can bring up some of these points to your brother if you’re concerned. I’m still learning as I go. Don’t be offended if he doesn’t listen to you. Sometimes it just needs to come from another man.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

What you don't seem to realize is that he's CHOOSING not to communicate with you - not because he's bad at communication, but because he wants some privacy and, more importantly, doesn't want you or your mother to be judging him or trying to get involved with his life in that way.

Maybe he's seeing a girl, but doesn't want anyone asking him "Who is this girl? Is she from a good family? Is it serious? Are you going to bring her home to meet us? When can we expect grandchildren?" Many siblings or parents like to butt into relationships like this, especially when they are new and not even stable, and men don't want these kinds of hassles.

Maybe he's meeting a friend and playing video games. Maybe he's watching movies, or playing music, or going skateboarding, or whatever, and he doesn't want to be hassled about it.

Not telling you what he's doing has nothing to do with his communication skills, and everything to do with him carving out some privacy in his life. My own parents and sister were much this way, which is why I moved out at 19 - I couldn't wait to get away from the constant questions, judgements, and hassles about what I did with my day (which mostly consisted of college and my job - I wasn't out partying or doing drugs), and also them butting into (and offering unwanted opinions) any relationship I might be in or pursuing.

There's no question that some men have trouble communicating, but the majority can communicate just fine. I have 40 years of experience to show me that. I work with all kinds of men - I'm often on construction sites, and have to communicate lots of specific details, where getting any minor thing wrong can be a huge problem and sometimes an expensive repair, and I don't often have problems. On rare occasions I do, so, yeah, that does exist at times, but your example just tells me your brother doesn't want you and your parents getting involved and offering their opinions or judgements on his daily life, so he's sharing the bare minimum amount of information with you on purpose. It's exactly what I used to do - and no one has ever accused me of not being able to communicate.

spookywashere · Accepted Answer

It depends honestly, I've met women who are the same way.
Sometimes talking to certain people feels like talking to a wall.

I think there is a stigma around men that they never open up or communicate and I think thats dumb.
You also need to understand that guys speak a lot through their actions. Body language, and just in general what they do.
A guy may not express his love to his partner through words often, but may show it through getting her gifts every now and then, leaving her notes, or just showing her phsyical attention.

Love languages are a big thing to consider as well. Find someone with a love language that works for you and won't leave you frustrated. Not everyone is good at communicating. Also it helps to create a safe loving place for your man so he feels comfortable enough to open up to you.

snowgirl123 · Accepted Answer

I think he most probably is involved in something that he believes you and your family would find wrong, dislike, or see him in a bad light/with a poor reputation. I don't know what your culture is from, so maybe he's doing something that is disapproved in your culture.

maybe you might want to talk to him, in a nice and calm conversation, and ask him what is happening. also, if you see he does not want to tell you what is going on, you might just want to tell him that you will always be there for him to support him if it's something good, but if it doesn't work out, that you will always be there to help him be back on his feet again.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

I can't explain your brother's situation, i would be curious too if my brother just took off like that by just telling me (am going downtown). I know many people (almost all i know) both men and women are bad at communicating. So am going my self and it's kind of general. The community expects a lot from a man (old days) yes andthe community got effectedpositively and negatively, one of the negativ things that effected men in general was not to show emotion nor express their selves and this has been passed on for many many many years. If a man crys over something he liked/loved, you will hear the dad or some other guy say (cheer up Nancy, we will get you another one be the end of the week) and so on. If a guy express his feelings, that he has a passion for something unusual, he will be called gay, girl names, get comments about not having big balls and so on. This is still happening now days because not many are trying to break an ancient habit. If no one teach them, how would they learn? How do you break an ancient habit? I broke mine, can't break other's habit

Anonymous · Answer

I would not agree with it on the face of it. Men communicate just fine. The issue is that they don't communicate as much as women.

On average a woman will say about 20,000 words for every 7,000 a man says.

In addition, women communicate non verbally. Men as a general rule, do not. They don't send or receive non-verbal signals. It's purely verbal with them. And they don't do subtlety very well. It will be curt. Short. Sharp. Direct.

If you ask a woman where she's going, she'll tell you. And why. And who she's going with. And what they're going to do. And why. And where she met her friend. And how long they've been friends. And what her boyfriend does. And on and on and on.

You ask a man where he's going? "Out." And for another man, that is an acceptable answer, because the underlying assumption is "If I needed to know more, he'd tell me. If I wanted to know more, I'd ask."

Women are free-flowing exchangers of information. Men are not. Men will tell you exactly what you asked, or exactly what you needed. And no more than that. Men will ask you for information when they want to know, and they will appreciate a simple direct answer. They will not appreciate a long meandering amount of waffle as you slowly approach the answer from all sides, with an accompaniment of information he didn't want or ask for.

JCrockett · Answer

Men are usually good at communicating things they want to communicate, but they also often find much less to be worth communicating compared to women. A lot of the time, what a woman construes as bad communication may just be the man thinking something is unimportant. Or he may think it's private enough to not be suitable for conversation without specific cause.

In your brother's case, it sounds like he might be keeping a secret. Hard to say from the outside. But even in that case, that's not "bad communication". He is successfully not conveying information that he does not want to convey. Which is allowed, by the way. You're not entitled to know everything.

Romulus8817 · Answer

To address your subject line: Yes and no. Men generally don't communicate emotions because society has told us that "men don't cry", or "men don't feel". That's bullshit, and fortunately is changing.

With that said, the body of your post has nothing to do with your subject. Your brother is an adult. He does not owe any of you any explanation as to where he's been or what he's been up to. Quite frankly, since he's an adult, it's none of your business, and the lot of you should stop questioning his whereabouts. That he made it home safe is the most important thing. He told you he was going downtown, and that's all you need to know.

DaveJord · Answer

Guys don't really open up until they feel comfortable. Its the old nice guys finish last thing. You let your sensitive side show too early and girls respond negatively... even though they all say that's exactly what they want.

So yes its fair to say we are not, but at same time its not really our fault. Women have made us this way. You share and then you're judged, and there will be no apology for it later. Where as guys don't really give a shit... as long as we are happy, we keep your mouths shut.

LovingLoverReturned · Answer

Men are usually really different to women in terms of how they communicate. It has to do with nature and nurture both. I found that it really depends. In society, most men are grown to feel that they should not be feeling and expressive. Some of the Western society is moving away from this but there are still many cultures in the world that stick to this tradition. But if a man feels safe with a woman, in a close relationship, and she takes the lead in communication (as comes naturally to her), then over time the man usually opens up with her. They will then have a special relationship. In front of his male friends he probably will continue not to talk about feeling or communicate deeply.

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Listen to your sister and your brother, just mind your own business.

As for the question, it's about trust. People have a habit of categorizing others, and adjust themselves based on what they think or assume of that particular person/group and weight out the options for what they can know/what they need to know. The sad truth is, most people (not just men) don't trust their family, so family will always be at the bottom until there's an emergency and even that is slim depending on the type of trouble they are in.

In addition to that, when it comes to most men, they like to get to the point fast and not overshare to avoid unnecessary explaining and wasted time (especially if it's a topic they care little about); so the fact you're getting a destination as an answer is great, because most would reply with, "Going out," "Hanging with friends," "I don't know," or "Be back later." So just chill.

dustybiker · Answer

I don’t agree. I think young men pull the “I don’t have to tell you anything” routine when they’ve not had anyone really listen to them.
Prove you listen to the answers of your questions and you’ll get better answers. Everyone wants to be heard.
I grew up with all male best friends. During teen years they pretty much all went through that stage with their parents as ground rules were put down firm with less listening. Their parents would in turn come to me for straight answers. It was a tricky line to walk there for a while.

LikeALog · Answer

It depends on what we are talking about and the audience. A friend is an avid fisherman. He can spend five minutes telling about how he struggled and fought with a particular fish. Normally, it's just the main facts, a brief synopsis when guys communicate.

Then there's a female cousin that talks continuously, nonstop. She doesn't care that you are not listening. Her brother and I were trying to have a conversation, but it was difficult with her talking. Just the three of us and she was not conversing with us, just talking about herself, her wishes, her favorite whatevers. Over communicating.

BeenThereLovedIt · Answer

Men are often punished for opening their mouths. If not from SO's and parents, then from other guys. It's okay for us to talk - I'm not saying that it isn't, but what we say is measured, prosecuted, tried, and convicted the moment it leaves our lips.

So we can't comment on much in social or work circles without getting scorned by someone, especially if you are a white male. We have zero leverage to say boo to anyone because of what other white males from different countries and times in history did, or are still doing. I hate that I'm lumped in with these hyper racist politicians just because of the same skin color.

That's probably how decent black people feel too. Funny how that works.

libsaretards · Answer

We are wired for action, not speech. We tend to give only the details we feel are necessary. Most of us simply do not have patience for a lot of talking, especially if we have a task to do and chatting gets in the way. My mom and I fight on this issue a lot. She will ask me for the most minute details of things going on in my life and gets mad when I just go straight into the outcome. It's not that I have a problem with sharing details as much as it is that it does not seem important to me. If you want details, just ask. Don't expect me to volunteer things.

bean2k21 · Answer

1000s of years of evolution and women still cannot understand such a simple concept. Once and for all, for the love of Jesus, hear what I say. It's science, lady. When an embryo is developing, they are all the same until the testosterone floods the system. At that point, certain areas of the brain do not develop the same. Testosterone inhibits the brain cells responsible for communication in the form of speaking about what's on our mind and all that. It's not to say were' not 'communicating' with the world around us. We're just not moving our lips about it. It's called testosterone. Now, please stop wondering about this.

Floppy2112 · Answer

Uh, no. I don't agree with this statement at all. We don't communicate like women, but we communicate articulately, with proper nuance and sentence structure, all the time.
I think your complaint boils down to men are not like women. We communicate about different things that does not make us, non-communicative.
I for one, wouldn't want to go into any detail about a mundane trip down town. We men, don't pay attention to how other people are dressed, what a a couple looked like together, what someone said, etc. We tune all that shit out. Unless somebody did something out of ordinary, there isn't much to say about a trip down town. "I went to town, did what I set out to do and left." What is there to say about it?
Ah, but ask me the difference between a small block Ford and an LS engine block and I will talk your ear off, in riveting detail, with measurements and analysis.

pass_the_celery98 · Answer

False, I am communicative. I have talked to girls where they lacked communication. I think that's a big misconception guys don't talk. Women and girls don't talk either unless she knows someone well, it's her husband/boyfriend, a family member or work colleague. I've had strangers walk up to me asking me for directions or people asking me where a class on campus is or where they kind find a store. I don't have an off-putting presence about myself. I am willing to communicate and chat when necessary.

Djaay · Answer

Highly disagree. We men communicate on a different level than women prefer us to which doesn't mean we don't. Men always know what other men are up to because we communicate in a mans way not a woman's way , a way we all have wired in us and conditioned as males amunst all of us together. Its a woman's receptive duty and responsibility to understand a man she prefers , not the other way around. Women's new empowerment principles lead women to a level of unnatural and incidious retribution that doesn't conform with natural ambiances of nature and its attractive venues.

Seinna · Answer

Men are great communicators and they excel at teamwork.

Using many words or in general talking a lot like women tend to do is not required to be communicative. Sometimes it's better to pass on the information in as little time/words as possible.

Anonymous · Answer

I think what you mean to say is that men do not have the same problem women do. That is, men do not feel the need to talk incessantly, whereas women do.

They can't help themselves. It's not their fault; women have an excessive amount of a brain protein called FOXP2 that compels them to talk almost non-stop during waking hours. For example, men on average speak about 7,000 words a day whereas women speak about 20,000 words a day, which of course tends to drive men up the fucking wall.

Have some compassion for them, men. They truly cannot help themselves.

https://www.today.com/health/chatty-cathy-listen-new-study-reveals-why-women-talk-more-1C8469360

Anonymous · Answer

It's probably less biological and more social. The reality is that in many, MANY instances, a dude will do better to just shut the hell up about his feelings rather than talking about them. If that's the case, then a lot of guys will clue in and keep their mouths shut.

Responding to incentives like that isn't just a guy thing though--women do it too. It's just there are fewer penalties around talking about their feelings most of the time. But there will be other areas where i'm sure women too will shut up rather than face the downside of talking about something.

Anonymous · Answer

And that's a bad thing. Good thing, that it does not apply to me. Mostly at least.

I think it may have something to do with toxic masculinity to not be that communicative, not sharing how a man feels, what he thinks about or where his mind is at. Certain "males" have this weird philosophy, that those matters are only for women and that this type of extreme stoicism would fuel their "masculine toughness".

Therefore I advise guys to give women what they want. Even if it feels weird.

GeoCrusher · Answer

Men, especially in recent years, are conditioned to not approach women. It depends on how they view you in school at least that's how it is for me. If they don't make the effort to talk to you then it feels like they don't want you to talk to them, so we keep to guys if even at that. The only times I'm sociable are when I'm playing a game with others, or when I'm making jokes to try and brighten another's mood despite my own negative view.

Would you agree on this statement: "Men are not a communicative people" ?

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