How do I improve a relationship with an introvert guy & get him to show affection?

[Anonymous]

Hey all, I’m a very shy girl who just started dating this guy. He’s a really handsome, popular guy but says he’s an introvert so I do give him all the alone time he needs.

He was really sweet in beginning but he needs a ton of time alone so I only see him like once or twice a week. He does text me every day, but I feel like I’m often initiating the actual hangouts beyond texting. I feel like I am always complimenting him, trying to support him, but don’t get much emotion back. He goes on long vacations a lot alone & doesn’t invite me, usually his friends come but he’s in his head whole time.

When we’re together there’s usually not much affection, I usually sit & watch him play video games or he works on projects, he’s never really complimented me after the honeymoon phase, or gone out of his way for me. He likes me being there I just feel like I’m often kind of there? Like I bring him gifts a lot or handmade things & he just says “oh thanks” then forgets about it. I’ve never gotten anything from him.

He is just so low emotion compared to guys I’ve dated. Usually they want to spend time with you, they tell you how much they love you or care about you. And with this guy he could care less if he didn’t see me for two weeks. He really prefers his own company & projects instead. Once he didn’t text back for 2 days bc he “forgot”. He’s just so in his own head. He really is a nice guy, I just don’t know how to deal with this. Am I too extroverted? Advice?

[Nik1hil]

Okay so..
Learn to see him through the mirage he has created...

If he is introvert he isn't popular.. But his popularity is a mirage..
He probably has a alternate name and most people don't use his real name..
Find which name he likes more...

Give him time and communicate..

Also if you don't make it clear that you like him more than a friend..
Than don't expect him to make efforts to push your relationship..
You place efforts and in words you ask him to place efforts..

That's what you need..

[watercolor_lions]

I've dated a guy like this, and I'll give you the advice old me needed a long time ago before I cheated on him: only date him if you can handle it being like this all the time.

I tried in that relationship so fucking hard, and he reciprocated so little, that I didn't see when a better person came along. But he did. And he didn't even say anything. He let me fall in love with another man like he didn't even care. He didn't fight for me at all. He was happier playing video games.

Your guy needs someone who is busy all the time (probably an extrovert with a lot of friends and their own life going on). And there is nothing wrong with him. That is just who he is. Forever. And you can't make him be anything else.

If you leave, after a month he might seek you out, but realize the extra attention won't last long. I advise you find someone you're more compatible with (completely, not partially).

[Asker]

Girl thank you for saying all this bc I honestly thought I was crazy! Yes I tried a lot but he seemed stuck in his ways.

Completely not partially is incredible. I'm definitely learning more & more about people as I go. Thank you again!! This made me feel not as alone

[IMuser]

1. Don't talk, do. Maybe just rest your head on his lap and be physically affectionate
2. Is he the type who likes to do things for you? If yes, ask him small favours and be generous.
3. Stop texting each other frequently. Meet in person

[Asker]

This is great advice. I’m definitely going to do all of this. I really appreciate it and this is actually helpful 👍

[IMuser]

I am an introvert too (not popular and not handsome though 😅) and I would have loved if my ex did this for me. Whenever it's alright, let me know the results (whether it worked or not)

[Asker]

I have definitely been trying to make small gestures already (putting head on his shoulder etc.) so glad I’ve been doing that. Thanks! I think the favor thing will be interesting bc he doesn’t really leave the house much so I’ll think of something, like coffee etc. And yes I’ve had introvert bfs before so I know it’s hard!!😁 thanks & I’ll def update!

[IMuser]

Looking forward to it 😁

[PositiveNote]

Here's the deal... it's not because he's introverted—though it would play a part. It's because that's what he is. Just like we can't compare one woman to another woman and say "she's not like her," it goes both ways.

You may really need someone who he is not and you will only run into trouble if you try to make him "come out of his shell." Try to find his strengths and promote those in your short—or long relationship—depending how it goes.

[Jamie05rhs]

That seems odd to me. A man who is an introvert shouldn't be distant from his girlfriend. It should be the opposite. He should be opening up to you and sharing the thoughts that he's been keeping to himself. That's what love and intimacy is for!

Something's wrong here in this relationship. You guys don't have a close enough bond. Maybe stop "giving him space.". Press in instead.

[Anonymous]

Everyone opens up at different speeds. He may not be comfortable enough with you yet and it may just simply take more time (you said you just started dating right?). Or, maybe it's just him and he'll never change. Either way, time will tell. I don't know how much you like him, or if you want to put in that time to find out, but I don't think it's anything you can "make happen". Patience and time, or he's not the guy for you.

[Opinion Owner]

The only other think you can do it talk to him and confront him directly. Not like "why aren't you affectionate?" or anything like that lol, but you know, just try and have some heart to hearts or deeper conversations with him. Get him off the video games and talk.

[slatyb]

"I usually sit & watch him play video games or he works on projects,"

So what are you getting out of this? That's not introverted, it's rude. He's wasting your time.

[OlderThanILook]

That's not being introverted. That's not giving a fuck. It's not my place to say anything though. I can't even get a girlfriend, so he obviously is doing something right and I'm just a piece of shit.

[Asker]

What he did is he was extremely respectful & put a lot of effort in beginning, bought flowers, took me to 6 Flags, then reverted to this. Keep being you but genuine

I REALLY appreciate this comment thank you so much.

[Stevefiveo]

Hmm, you are going to have to accept that he is different. You can try encouraging him and it should help. Good luck.

[Jouth]

You probably need to try to kill him. If you fail, that will surely knock him out of us funk and he will become an extrovert again!!