Is it bad to always message him first?

[Anonymous]

I’ve initiated majority of our conversations. He happily replied and carries our conversation. I enjoy talking to him but it annoys me that I usually start our conversations.

I recently told him that I’ve noticed this trend. He seemed to be suprised and said my bad if it went like that. Then he texted me after that once but it was just that one time.

[Avcfhcic]

It's something I tend to be careful with, because I always messaged people, then I thought are they just being nice, so I stopped and they didn't initiate with me.
In terms of a guy you like, depends how much you want him and how many times you message and how often. But if the conversation is good and it's not him just responding then it isn't that bad, but I'd maybe look at moving from text into person chat.
All depends on what you want with him

[Asker]

Recently I said to him ”I’ve noticed that I’ve been usually messaging you first ?”
Is it weird that he acted like he didn’t know or remember that. I’m sure he knew. After that he messaged me once but just once. I didin’t message him first after that conversation. Did I do wrong?

[Avcfhcic]

I would've done the same. Seems like he just responds rather than wants

[Asker]

But he did message me once though

[Vegasrunner]

Honestly this is how relationships should be. Women should be doing the pursuing 80% of the time. If it's less the relationship won't work.

[Asker]

Why do u think so?

[Vegasrunner]

Women have wayyyyyy more options than men so the fact that you are reaching out means that you are seriously interested in him. If he flips it and starts texting you first he's going to instantly Fall n2 the category of all those thirsty, needy guys that have come and gone. What I'm sure you're now thinking but can't admit is that he probably does have other women he's talking to. You mentioned you stopped initiating contact, other than that 1 time, has he initiated contact w/ you first?

[Asker]

In the past yeah he has initiated contact. After he messaged me first I refrained from texting first again to see if he would initiate a second time. Did I do wrong?

[Vegasrunner]

If your goal is to see this man again then you have probably done wrong. How long have you been waiting for him to initiate contact for a 2nd time?

[Asker]

We are just talking. We’ve never gone on a date.

[Vegasrunner]

Your answers are a bit confusing because you haven't shared a timeline to let me know how long it has been since you guys last spoke. If were talking 1 or 3 days. You should probably just wait. If your talking more than 3 days you're going to have to reach out to him if you want to see him again. I can't be 100% sure but it sounds like he may be a 10% and as a woman you have to go about dealing w/ men like us a little differently.

[Asker]

What do u mean by he might be 10% ?

[Vegasrunner]

This is going to be long so apologies in advance. About 10% of men get 90% of all women. Look in your comments, several men believe the guy's not into you, because in their head any girl that shows them interest means they are going to stop every thing they do and instantly start over pursuing those guys are the 90% that women dont want. You yourself are confused because he's not initiating contact w/ you. In reality a 10% man has so many options these days that he doesn't have to chase. You mentioned that he responds back to u when you text him, so he's not ignoring you, he's just not chasing you which feels strange to a lot of women. You are probably used to guys always initiating contact then along comes a guy you really like and he's acting differently. You almost have to look at it like he's the female meaning I'm sure you have tons of men that slide into your DM's you're not ignoring them, your just looking for them to stand out because u can't respond to everybody He's doing the same thing to you. If he is truly a 10% man you're going to have to compete and understand that a lot of the games that worked in the past aren't going to have the same effect as it would on other guys.

[Asker]

You’re forgetting one thing. He could be very shy guy and also be very careful with women which leads to not being assertive.

[Vegasrunner]

He most certainly could be. Again I don't have enough info to make an accurate assessment, but I do know he shy enough to not respond to you and he wasn't shy enough to not initiate contact w/ you after you originally brought it up. Honestly at this point you've validated why I tell guys that women should be initiating about 80% of the contact.

[Asker]

Yeah whatever

[Vegasrunner]

That is not a valid answer.

[Asker]

He did text me again first. So you were wrong.

[Vegasrunner]

Nice! What is it you believe I'm wrong about?

[Bubbles45]

I wouldn't say it's a bad thing, however it can potentially come across as needy or clingy. I would say it's probably better to let him message first sometimes too. :)

[Asker]

I don’t message him too often at all.

[Bubbles45]

If that's the case I wouldn't worry too much about it, sounds like it's fine.

[EpicNate]

If you like the guy, then no. It's actually a sign that you're interested, so no there is nothing inherently wrong with messaging him first, as long as you do not spam him.

[Asker]

What does it mean when he acted like he didn’t remember that I’ve started almost all of our conversations?

Also after I mentioned he messaged me first but just once. It’s like he’s waiting now for me to message him…

[EpicNate]

I’m honestly not too sure, perhaps try taking things to the next level. Starting flirting with him and see how it goes.

[Asker]

How do I flirt without coming across slutty?

[EpicNate]

Say nice things, drop him a few compliments, tell him you think he’s cute or hot. Put X’s and XO’s at the end of your sentences. Send him good morning and goodnight texts and try and gauge his interest in you.

[Asker]

We already say goodnight at the end of our conversations and we already have playful banter with each other when we text

[Asker]

He sends be blushing smileys and he once sent me winky face

[EpicNate]

That’s good, ask him out for a coffee or a quick meal or something!

[Asker]

He isn’t even texting me first.. I feel like if he was interested he would’ve been more proactive….

[EpicNate]

Just ask him out, he’ll say yes. If he doesn’t it’s his loss.

[Asker]

As a guy what do u think about his behaviour?

[EpicNate]

You guys share playful banter and emojis with each other however you're the one who often initiates the conversation. Honestly if you want to find out just ask him out, but yeah that's all I can say.

[Asker]

I’ve now refrained from texting him first. Do you think he will take it as if I’m not interested anymore? What of he’s too shy to text?

[EpicNate]

Not sure, just ask him out. But it's your choice.

[Jamie05rhs]

What is it that you are seeking from him?

[Asker]

I like him. I want things to progress. We haven’t gone on a date or anything so far.

[Jamie05rhs]

Have you told him yet, what you just told me?

[Asker]

No…because he isn’t making real effort to reach out to me.

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, he isn't motivated to reach out to you. You haven't given him a reason.
Why do you think he would want to reach out to you?

[Asker]

He clearly likes to talk to me based on our conversations. He happily and entjustically chats with me when I do message him. He did text me first for the first time after I mentioned to him that I’ve noticed that I’ve been usually messaging him first. After the conversation that he initiated I haven’t initiated a new conversation.

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay. Talking is nice. But that's just words. You can have nice conversations and continue going around in circles until the cows come home. That won't get either one of you closer to being together. You have to have a purpose. You have to have intention. You have to have goals.

[Jamie05rhs]

If he doesn't think that you like him or that you want thing to progress, he won't be motivated to try to progress things. You have to give him some sort of sign. You have to be clear with him.

[Asker]

How can I be clear enough without being desperate?

[Jamie05rhs]

You need to stop worrying about looking "desperate.". Young girls these days are always afraid that everything they do is going to appear "desperate.". That just isn't the case. Men don't think in those terms. We're much more even-keeled and business-oriented. You need to break free of the paradigm of middle school drama.

[Asker]

So he could very much be interested?

[Asker]

Do you agree with other guys in that of he was interested he would’ve texted first me more often?

[Jamie05rhs]

Of course he could.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Do you agree with other guys in that of he was interested he would’ve texted first me more often?". No. That rule only applies if the guy knows that you're interested in him. If he doesn't know how you feel, he's not going to harass you (unless he's toxic, of course.)

[Wise4myage]

No, but ideally, it should be 50/50.

[Asker]

I’ve now refrained from texting him first. Do you think he will take it as if I’m not interested anymore? What of he’s too shy to text?

[Wise4myage]

If he doesn't, than ask him why he doesn't text you first.

[Asker]

Recently I said to him ”I’ve noticed that I’ve been usually messaging you first :D?”

And he acted surprised as of he didn’t knew that I’ve been the one to start pur conversations usually. He said” say whaat, I thought I’ve been the one who has mostly said hi first or that’s ehat I thought. My bad if it went like you said.”

[Wise4myage]

Good, he needed to know.

[Asker]

Is it weird that he acted like he did’t know or remember. I’m sure he knew. After that he messaged me once but just once. I didin’t message him first after that conversation. Did I do wrong?

[Wise4myage]

No, you didn't.

[Asker]

What if he’s now waiting for me to message him since he messaged me last time?

[Wise4myage]

Then make him wait.

[Asker]

Why :D?

[Asker]

:))) ?

[awkward_author]

It's not a bad thing. He's probably just busy.

[Waldoe]

he is not "into you"... sorry

[Asker]

Why did he message me first then after the conversation where I told him that I’ve noticed that I’ve been usually texting him first.

[Waldoe]

he doesn't reply... because... he is not "into you"... sorry, he changed his mind or he found someone that is closer to him. Someone that he can actually meet and talk to and touch and smell and kiss...

[Asker]

He always replies, what are you talking about?