Is lovers a nice way to say friends with benefits?

[Anonymous]

I've been long distance with my lover for nearly seven months. He works in the bush so we talk rarely (see each other even less often) but we carry decent conversations and can be very romantic and all the usual stuff over the phone. When we started seeing each other he labeled us lovers when I asked what we were. When I asked if it was a hit and run he said no, he doesn't do flings)

I didn't question it because it seemed acceptable; a romantic relationship between two consenting adults. Now however I'm doubting the seriousness of the title. I've developed strong feelings for him and finally left an 'I love you' at the end of a text about a week ago. Now the situation could be a coincidence, an I could be overthinking but, he's been distant since then and I'm wondering if I've misunderstood the nature of our relationship.

Weeks ago he commented that love can't grow when it depends on permissions (referring to me asking him if I could ask him questions or send nudes etc.) so I assumed love was an acceptable thing to feel; I was already anyway but this gave me the courage to finally express it.

Now he's very quiet, I mean going more than 24 hours without answering me and I can see he's been on instagram. I don't want to talk to him about it like this because I'm really not a stalker, I also understand that sometimes people just don't feel like talking to anyone; I ignore messages from people all the time until I feel like talking. It just hurts that he's doing it.

I messaged him and asked if everything was okay with us and he said yes and told me he is just really busy with work and he's being put under a lot of pressure to hussle a government facility. His job is on the line if he doesn't perform. I believe him because his colleague confirmed it. Still I wonder if I've made a mistake saying I love him.

So guys tell me: when you say lovers, do you mean friends with benefits? Is it just a pretty way to say it so girls will stick with you?

[SenileOldMan]

I'm a monogamous type so when I say "lover", it means someone I not only sleep with but am at least entertaining spending the rest of my life with. I'm also not into FWBs in general. The closest I got to that was flings. And I would have entertained spending the rest of my life with my few flings if we weren't scheduled in a way where it'd be questionable if we could ever see each other again.

[Asker]

That's very much how I feel. I'm open to open relationships, if it's been discussed beforehand, which we haven't agreed on. We are monogamous as far as I know, but I do realize that doesn't mean we are committed to more than a sexual relationship. Thanks for answering, helps a lot

[spartan55]

I would never use that term, it's too corny. But that's just me.
In this case, I think it's exactly what you suspect: a dressed up way to say you are in a non-committal sexual relationship. Is the long distance thing temporary? It sounds like you kind of pester him about it a little. Some guys don't react well to that.

[Asker]

Its not temporary no, we work in adjacent countries but I've been looking to work in his country for a while now and he's been looking at my country. I do pester a little to make sure we are okay, long distance makes it hard to know what's going on now pair that with him needing signal to communicate. I guess I'll have to ask him?

[spartan55]

Whatever you want to do, I figure a different way to seek assurance other than pestering him. He will get tired of that sooner than later..

[Waldoe]

anything is possible... ask him next time you can, do not Stress about it... be calm and assume that everything is OK, until it isn't

[Asker]

I guess I'll have to...

[Wise4myage]

Sure, if your both on the same page.