Why can’t I get comfortable around my boyfriend? It’s been 6 months and I’m still nervous. Why?

[Anonymous]

I think I definitely have a little bit of an anxiety disorder (I just get nervous sometimes around people!) but I’m really nervous around this new guy I’m dating. I’ve been chill around bf’s in the past or any of my friends. It’s just been multiple months & still a bit uncomfortable. He’s very serious, very independent, and would say almost an avoidant. I’m often uncomfortable to bring stuff up to him, I’m just nervous. He likes a lot of time to himself (I see him 2x a week) and he doesn’t laugh or smile super much, he’s just very calm. He’s a really calm, serious guy. Whenever I bring up an issue with relationship, he just counters it with calm logic. Meanwhile, I’m really shaky around him/nervous and I can’t always super be myself. For example I’ll tell a joke and he’ll hear it but won’t really respond or acknowledge (I’m really funny), so I get a little more nervous.

He doesn’t really touch me super much, and likes a lot of space. But when he does show affection, I’m not fully ready or comfortable, so I get nervous again.

He’s really attractive, so I’m definitely sure it’s part of this. But does attraction really make you this nervous the whole time? Any advice helps! What should I say to him?

[JoyGirl]

Hmmm…sounds like that is just how he is, and that isn’t something you can change. He is just calm and collected.

Compared to your last bf’s, does he treat you well?

[Asker]

Hey! Yeah he treats me well, he just needs quite a bit of space. Like he will almost always prioritize being alone then being with me. But that’s how he is, you’re right! Hmm, I never thought about this.

[JoyGirl]

You could always go poke at him and bug him in his personal space. 🥴
My boyfriend LOVES my personal space. 🤪

Sometimes though, you have to let him have his space when he really needs it. 💜

[Asker]

Oh wow, thanks! This is awesome haha. And yeah, you’re absolutely right. I think they do need it. I honestly feel like there’s TOO much space tho sometimes lol! I just need to work on bringing this up..

[JoyGirl]

You got this! 💜

[Drumlin2001]

Do you want to live the rest of your life being uncomfortable? It sounds like this relationship has a shelf life. If that's the case then better to rip the band aid of now rather than put it off

[spartan55]

He sounds like a dud with a lame personality.