Losing interest, testing me or should I believe him?

[Anonymous]

If I text him he will respond to my texts and usually will keep conversation going but he takes forever to reply these days..( before he used to text me everyday at least once to check on me if he was busy) now sometimes even a day passes & he barely initiate texting. I want to ask him if I'm bothering him.. but I am trying to be casual since we are now more like friends rather than romantically involved. Last time I didn't text him for 3 days and when I finally gave in & said hi he replied & we texted for few hours and he asked me why I didn't text him since the last time he called me 🤨 I want to have a conversation about it without it seeming like I'm asking more from him but i just want to know where he's at. The last time we talked he said he's been working & sleeping a lot lately & he just doesn't have energy sometimes but other times he'll say he took the day off & barely text me... which makes me think he really doesn't care anymore to reach out. Which is fine but I want to know... but not sure if I should get the memo and stop contacting him or ask him & move from there

[Anonymous]

Not saying this rudely but right now you’re chasing him, and I think you know that deep down and it’s what’s making you hesitate, feel like a burden, wonder if you’re bothering him, etc, because it’s always you initiating everything. He expects you to start the convo every time, so there’s zero incentive for him to try, hence him asking why you didn’t reach out. It’s cool for you to do your part but he needs to do his too, otherwise it isn’t a friendship or a relationship because nothing is getting off the ground. So if I were you, I’d take one giant step back and see what happens when you go silent. Will it matter enough for him to reach out the first, second and third time? Or will he keep using a busy life as his excuse when you know that’s not true, he was doing fine with you in the beginning and just as busy.

[Anonymous]

It’s probably bc he’s too occupied with work and like he said, he doesn’t have the energy. Sometimes people pull away when they’re tired or stressed but I think you should definitely talk to him about it. There’s nothing wrong with asking and it won’t come off as you asking for more from him, just ask for some clarity and ask if he needs some space for a bit

[Asker]

So we briefly talked about it & he said hed been working overtime & finally took this week off so that's part for the reason why he hasn't been talking to me sm. But that the main reason was I should reach out to him because he felt like he was the one always doing so.. & initaiating meeting up etc. & that he'll check his msgs daily but I don't text him so he stopped texting me too..

[Opinion Owner]

Oh okay that’s great that you guys talk about it! So I guess that means you need to take turns when reaching out to each other first lol

[Asker]

he's basically acting like how I used to...

[Opinion Owner]

That’s kind of petty tho, he could’ve just been straight up with you and tell you that he wants you to start initiating more… how are things now after you guys talked about it?

[spartan55]

Go ahead, I'm sure he'd love to have that talk... 😂 😂 😂

[Asker]

He actually brought it up and said that I don't text him & that even though he texts late these days, he always replies to me & that I should be the one to take the initiative & text him instead.

[spartan55]

And what do you think about that?

[Asker]

Well he also said that i should already know that I don't bother him & that he loves to spend time.. & basically that lately he waits for me to hit him up but I never do...& that it's always been him 70/30 most of the time so he's proven himself & I should be sure of how he feels about me & basically doesn't understand why I'm questioning our dynamic... I told him I'm not asking more of him but I wanted to know how he felt because that's a change in his ways & we never talked about it... & well he made his valid points. I've definitely been bad at communicating before so i feel like he got tired of trying especially since we're not really dating anymore & like in his own right... but all in all I don't know..

[spartan55]

So, what is it going to be? You were ready to pull the plug on him and you were not even holding up your end...