Im afraid to talk to my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I noticed I make up a mental talk before sending him a voice message, Im afraid to ask.
Recently he snapped at me because I asked him to meet and talk, i guess he felt like im being bossy and controlling (its a lie)
Since then im afraid to ask him for a date... I asked him on Wednesday and he was ok with it, said "sure we will meet soon".
Today I asked: how was his work day, told him how my new job interview went, then asked him if he is ok meeting this weekend. sent him kisses and that im of to eat some apple pie.
I mean... all normal, all calm and lovely? right? no preassure.
His answer to my voice: "tell me..."

[TommyMountainFigure]

Want an honest opinion? Get as far away from him as you can! Relationships are meant to be loving caring and looking out for each other.. Nobody should live in fear of their partner!

[Asker]

I know... but his mood changes drive me crazy
yesterday i was all good and loving
did he answer me this way again becaue he is in bad mood? or my question about meeting made him mad?
the funny thng is on Wednesday he himself told me "maybe we will meet this weekend"
i said no problem when you feel ok, we will meet
to day i just asked... nothing else
I dont fucking understand, im not being pushy. I just asked a question

[TommyMountainFigure]

Everyone has bad days sometimes, but taking it out on someone you're supposed to care about? It's just not on!

[Asker]

he did that day a week ago
today just with his TELL ME...
i know he is mad, its enough for me to know or something bad happened on his job or he is mad about my question
he didn't even task about fucking job interview...
he is polite and caring when in good mood
today he is raging... i feel it just by reading him
i just dont know if its my fault to ask about date or its smth that happened at work or with his family

[Asker]

he is 44 too... like you

[Asker]

he says he sometimes hurts those he loves the most... his daughter his mom before (rip) and now me too

[TommyMountainFigure]

He's not me.. Honest lol... And to prove it? How did your job interview go?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Maybe he needs to seek psychiatric help? I don't suggest you ask him though.

[Asker]

im confused
before when he had bad day
he would tell me: im in bad mood i dont want to talk
now he just ignores me

[Asker]

yesterday it was all hearts and rainbows
today... no fucking idea.
the funny thing is if he really got mad at me for asing for a date
he himself on Wednesday told me about meeting maybe this weekend
i dont get it
if he suggests it its ok
if i ask the same its bad?
or he is mad about other stuff
how normal is it to even not wanting to meet you girlfriend?

[TommyMountainFigure]

The way to teach him then is for as long as he ignores you? You ignore him longer. Then when he's calmed down and wants to talk? You say? OH, should I be honoured that you want to talk now or are you going to bite my head off again?
Wit for him to apologise and then say OK this time I forgive you, but you do it again and I walk!

[TommyMountainFigure]

He's spoken to EVERYONE like that, and if you want to break the cycle,, that is how you do it!

[Asker]

my tactic is to ignore i see his bad mood, i get sad angry i cry... but i never show it to him
i act all lovely and positive
always sending kisses and shit
even when he is grumpy as fuck i still send him "have a great day sweety"
lol
i want to send him "have an awesome Saturday" and then ignore him until Monday
and then ask if he had a bad day or smth like that?

[Asker]

im not sure he will talk first... he is such a bitch
once he threatened me to break up with me because i didn't pick up a phone because was in the shower and didn't hear it
so yeah... this is what im dealing with here
love this idiot to death but he needs some reality check

[TommyMountainFigure]

That is what you're doing wrong. He CRAVES an argument with you so when you make up it reinforces his belief you have in him.. He is one seriously screwed up bunny. I wasn't kidding about the psychiatric help.

[Asker]

but some stuff is foreal tough... his boss refuses to pay his comissions
and i fell its the reason, if not me asking foa date
tomorrow is a pay day
and probably he got mad he won't get money

[Asker]

i didn't get the part about what he craves? he doesn't look like he hates me or wants to leave me
he is bitching and throwing tantrums haha i saw how he kissed me after 2 weeks without seeing me
he likes me and wants me in his life
... right?

[Asker]

never heard about screwed up bunny... whats that?

[Asker]

why he wants an argument?

[TommyMountainFigure]

Yes he does, but let me try and explain it.
He wants you to get you angry so you and he have a big fight, because if you make up afterwards, it reinforces in his mind that you care about him.. He is insecure and extremely volatile, and again I will say it. He needs psychiatric help.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Have you heard the term a seriously screwed up puppy? Same thing..

[Asker]

so wait... he tests me?
he wants to see how far my patience goes?

[Asker]

how do you know he is insecure?

[Asker]

im not native English speaker, i dont know it about puppy or bunny sorry haha

[TommyMountainFigure]

He is testing you yes, but if asked he probably wouldn't know he's doing it. The only way he would come to that conclusion is if he was psychoanalysed.

[Asker]

But he is testing me if i get tired and leave him?
Or he is testing me if i still support him even after him being grumpy bitch?

[slatyb]

End this now. Your partner should be the person you turn to for support and comfort, not another source of stress.

[Asker]

What if he is in bad mood

[slatyb]

That's not an excuse to abuse you. He can say "Sorry, I'm in a funk" and tell you why, or just say "I'm not up to talking / whatever right now".

[Asker]

He used t do that before
Now he just ignores mebefore yesterday it was al fineyesterday i have no ide why he acted like that

[TrillXHippy]

If you’re afraid to talk to him then why is he your boyfriend? Really does that really make any sense?