My friend doesn’t respect his girlfriend. How to make him understand what he’s doing is wrong?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been friends with this guy for 2 years, we both like each other (We never dated due to a complicated situation so we agreed to just stay friends).

A couple months ago his brother set him up on a date with some girl his wife know.

They’ve been dating for awhile, I don't know his girlfriend and never seen her before, (by the way my friend and I work at the same job)

He’s always been a little flirtatious with me back when he was single. But unfortunately he’s still doing it but not as much.

I walked by him and his friends and spoke, he said hi back, and when I walked away I heard one of his friends in the background say “Nah, turn back around (his name)”. And I turn to go through a door and I happened to glance back in their direction, and I see my friend was staring right at me (He was checking me out which he does when he think I don’t notice)

He admitted to one of his friends that I’m still gorgeous and hot to him and that he still wanna see and spend time with me.

And it’s so messed up, cause why agree to go out with this girl that his brother hooked him up with, but still has huge feelings for me?

If he really wanted me, he should’ve turned her down and worked things out between us instead of trying to stay close to me and saying things to/about me behind her back. He even blush when I talk to him normally about work stuff.

And his girlfriend has no idea about it (Mind you his girlfriend doesn’t work at our job so I have no way of telling her). I wanna tell him it’s not right and I don’t wanna become “the other girl” 😬

And with him staring, it’s one thing to glance, but stare when he has a whole girlfriend is starting to creep me out.

Updates

+1 y

He’s a nice guy, but I never notice this behavior with him towards other women at the job. It’s only with me. I think he kinda feels bad we’re not together so he wanna stay close but it’s for the wrong reasons

[Zxoxo]

Maybe it's not official on that other girls end. And tbh most guys are shit and want to have their cake and eat it too. Especially being young and wanting it all. So u seem like a decent person to be uncomfortable w this scenario. Ask him if he is official w homegirl and if he is not then if y'all are interested in getting together ask him out even just for lunch, din a drink, brunch whatever. If they are official let him know u enjoy his company but don't ever want to become the other woman. This draws the line in the sand on your end.

[Asker]

I was sorta thinking the same thing that they might not be completely serious just yet. But it does throw me off that he calls her his girlfriend but still showing feelings towards me.

[Anonymous]

What the fuck? You’d tell his girlfriend you caught him looking at your ass and potentially ruin their relationship?

Why do women have this overwhelming urge to stick their nose into other people’s private lives and fuck things up for them? Why? Because he looked at your tits but he has a girlfriend? Oh God. What a horrible man.

Do you seriously think you can both “just be friends” and he will resist his attractiveness to you, keep things completely 100% professional, and never, ever EVER look at your ass when you’re walking away from him? You’re living in a fantasy world if you think guys can do that.

[Asker]

Well excuse me for trying to be an honest person. So what would happen if I don’t say anything, but his friend who know his girlfriend (they go on double dates) tell her instead? The relationship would get ruined anyway regardless if I told his girlfriend or not. It’s not that I wanna mess up a relationship with 2 people but ever since he’s been dating her, the flirting hasn’t stopped with him. I feel like it’s wrong that her guy is doing that and she doesn’t know and think he only acts that way with her. And at the same time if I don’t say anything to my friend and his buddies possibly tell the girl themselves, then she’s gonna assume I was in on it or think he cheated on her when I haven’t reciprocated his behavior. It makes me uncomfortable, so what I just stay quiet and let him keep doing it?

[caring__1]

Let him know it's hard for you to be more than tolerant of those you see as disrespectful of others. No one's forcing him to be with her, but his disrespect of her is a sign he can't be trusted. If you feel he might care, you can ask him how he'd feel if the girl he loved exhibited the same behavioral patterns as him. If he denies any of his patterns are inappropriate, you may want to distance yourself from him.