Guys, HELP? DOES HE STILL FIND ME ATTRACTIVE? WHAT ARE THE SIGNS?

[Anonymous]

Been together 10yrs, everything feels like its losing it touch. I still get called Beautiful but that's about it, and it feels like that even may be just routine now. Please help.

[caring__1]

Help him to think a little deeper. When he gives you a compliment, seek clarification. You can say "in what way" or "give me some examples" or "what specifically do you find beautiful, and how does that impact you" or "how do feel our relationship has changed over the years" or "what was special to you about our early relationship that you'd like to revisit" or any other statement or question that might take you to a deeper level. Vague, general superficiality removes the specialness from a relationship.

[Asker]

I will try that.

[caring__1]

Follow through, and you'll see dimensions that have faded from sight, or you'll discover he's just with you out of familiarity or obligation and you won't have to continue living a lie.

[Asker]

Help again! Pweaseee. I did what u said and asked what specifically he thinks was beautiful about me. He said my personality and how caring I am.. I think that's great bc I strive to be that person. But not quite what I was asking, and dont wanna reask and say that and make him upset. Did he not understand or he did but diverted bc he couldnt think of anything? 😪

[caring__1]

Unfortunately, he, like most people, is used to vague generalities. Let's say you go to a movie, and he wants to decide if he wants to see it also. He asks "how was the movie?" You reply "good." Will that give him any information he can use to decide whether to see it or not? You didn't bother to tell him it was a chick flick, as you know he hates chick flicks. It could be he hasn't the faintest idea how to communicate, even if he feels adequate at talking. They are very different. You can model the behavior, so he can visualize what you are seeking. Answer those questions focusing on him, and let him see himself through your eyes.

You say you strive to be the person with a personality. Doesn't everyone have a personality? You may not like everyone's personality, but that doesn't mean they don't have one. Donald Trump has a personality. Mother Teresa had a personality. Would you say they were one and the same? Would someone who takes diligent care with her makeup be the same as someone who shows caring by volunteering to help others learn to believe in themselves? We often use the same words to describe totally different things.

The reason people choose to be vague and general is that prevents them from being held accountable. They can always say you misunderstood them. Maybe he's afraid he'll say the wrong thing and doesn't want to deal with the repercussions. Let's say the two of you are making love, and he reaches down your leg. You may ask "what are you doing?" He may respond with "I was just stretching." You may have been open but curious, while he may have feared being criticized by you. If you truly want a healthy relationship, you may want to find a therapist who specializes in communication, so the two of you can learn effective communication skills together.

[Asker]

Thank you again

[caring__1]

You're welcome.

[Esperanto]

Well then, I hate to ask, but, are you beautiful? If you are, you don't need validation, and if you aren't, don't expect him to lie. My big question is, Does he love you and show it with actions? The little daily actions are what matter, not what comes out of the mouth. You can also just put the wig, a neglige and sit on him and body rub him, tell him in the ear tat you want to have sex and see what happens. After, tell him you'll be doing that twice a week. Or you can do what a friend told his wife, IN THIS HOUSE ILL BE FUCKING TWICE A WEEK, WITH OR WITHOUT YOU, YOU CHOOSE.

[Esperanto]

Buy some colored wigs and sexy lingerie. The reality is that a guy needs to feel like there is newness in the bed in order to get Horney with the same woman after some years. I know your first instinct is to say, if he loves me why would he need this, but its in our nature, don't judge.

[Asker]

Lmao not judging cause I know and have already tried and done all those and wayyyy more. But thanks

[spartan55]

How often do you compliment him?

[Asker]

All the time. On literally everything.. and show him that I want him with actions proving those compliments

[Avicenna]

Do something to spice your love life up

[Asker]

I've tried. Just get turned down. He "uses" other... things. instead of me now days.

[PilotWhoPlays]

u mean toys? try to bring something new like an outfit and maybe roleplay might help? Try new things act different etc try to find new stuff that's my best advice.

[Asker]

Yes, he doesn't engage with me. Just toys.. and I've done all that, he says he's "vanilla" and isn't into all that. I don't know. Thank u. I may just take the question down, I know the answer..

[IsoUser]

Why not venture out sexually and use toy's?

[Asker]

I Have.. he doesn't want to use them with me says he's "vanilla " but uses them by himself when I'm not around.

[In_Trance]

Nope

[Asker]

Nope?