The guy I’m dating has midterms and we haven’t talked in a week, should I text him?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been dating this guy for around a month and we went out three times. His birthday was a a week ago, so I told him we can go out sometime so I can treat him to something. He said ‘Sureee, maybe Thursday or Friday, because I have midterms all week and next week but we can go out for some time.’ I then suggested Thursday at 7. He said ‘Let me confirm because I’m not sure whether I’ll be free or not. Because University is being extremely draining.’

I said ‘Ok, tell me when it suits you’ and left it at that. It’s been a week, and we haven’t talked since then, except when I replied to his story and he replied like he normally would.

I know that midterms can be draining in his major, especially since he’s ranked 2nd so he obviously cares about grades, and I know that he truly ended up being busy on Thursday (with work) and that he probably hasn’t gone out ever since midterms started because he always posts stories if he does and he hasn’t in a week.

I’d normally leave it be, but he was showing promising signs. The last time we met he let it slip that he told his best friend about me, and how he texts me quickly even though he doesn’t like texting and prefers real life conversations. Also, he told me about his midterms beforehand so he technically communicated.

Does it sound like I’m getting ghosted? I still have conflicting feelings about this, because I feel like if he cares he’d at least initiate on text and ask how my day’s going, tell me about university, etc (even once) or even reply to one of my IG stories. I haven’t texted ever since because I wanna give him space.

[HollyK21]

So in about 3 weeks you had 3 dates, now he’s ghosted you for a week? Maybe it’s a good time to clarify what this man is looking for, because right now it seems like his schedule will not allow him to prioritize dating or having a relationship with you.

[Asker]

I get what you’re saying, yes! Thing is, I’m not sure if he exactly ghosted me because he provided an explanation, and the conversation kind of ended up. I’m sure he’ll reply if I do text him, though. Also, it’s not usually like this, just due to midterms I think.

[HollyK21]

You wouldn’t be wrong to text him if you want, but my thing is that if he wanted to, he would. I understand he is busy, but it’s not every second 24/7. What about when he’s sitting down to eat? Or driving home? What about on his way to the bathroom? There are plenty of moments to send a text that literally takes seconds. He could even just be like ‘hey I’m busy today but I was just thinking about you and wanted to say hey, hope your day is going well’. It’s so simple. His lack of initiative to do so and blaming it on his demanding schedule just makes things more bleak.

[HollyK21]

I do feel like a good route would at least be asking what he’s looking for, if you haven’t already.

[Asker]

Yes, that’s true. Do you have any recommendation about how I can ask that without coming on too strong since we haven’t talked in a week?

[HollyK21]

I’d say go into it with the understanding that it’s not a strong question at all. Currently I’m in a relationship, but while I was playing the field, I’d ask a man his intention right out of the gate, fearlessly and unapologetically, because it’s so important to have a clear idea of what you’re dealing with. Remember, it’s not like you’re demanding a relationship or asking for his hand in marriage. It’s a simple matter of ‘I haven’t gotten a chance to ask but I’m curious, what are you looking for right now? Are you interested in dating or just something casual?’. The trick is just not making it such a big deal in your mind, because it’s not.

[Agagagagaga]

I think you should definitely ask him before he’s finished midterms. Talking about a relationship has a way of clearing your head for a big exam.

[HollyK21]

I couldn’t at you, it is far too many “aga’s” lol, but respectfully I disagree with you sir. Communication works both ways, and unless he is glued to his books and studies, never lifting a finger to do a single thing else besides school stuff (impossible, right?), then there is absolutely a single moment of time within the 7 days in a week that he can contact her. My uncle is currently in med school, and able to juggle marriage and twins. That is the literal definition of if he wanted to, he would. No one is taking away from the stress he feels finishing midterms — I cannot imagine. But if he can’t prioritize a single text to the woman he is supposed to be interested in now, then it shines a bright light on his ability to prioritize and what she can expect in the future. There’s no excuse for a week of ghosting besides disinterest in communicating.

[HollyK21]

Just to clarify (because I realize this may seem confusing) I do believe she should talk to him, but she shouldn’t have to reach out first. At least not in this situation where they haven’t spoken in a week.

[FilmGuy93]

Yeah, send him a text. You might want to wait till the end of the week though, or whenever he's done with the tests.

[exitseven]

just call him (not text) and see how he made out with exams.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Sushilove0]

Dont chase men