Guys if you really liked a girl would you commit to her, EVEN when you know you're emotionally unavailable and aren't ready for something serious?

[Gene9]

Yes

No

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Ew, no.
I'd reject someone who - admitting they aren't emotionally ready - commits to a relationship.

That's pointing a gun with no safety at your own foot.

If he's not ready, he's not ready. He doesn't get to "reserve" a woman until he's ready.

Disgusting.

[BlueStripedSoul]

No, that's irresponsible and not fair for the other person. Having feelings for someone is one thing, but being honest with yourself and your current situation in regards to being able to contribute toward a relationship is another. You need to be emotionally available for it to work and be worthwhile for the other person. Emotional availability can't just go one way. It's a two way street.

[Anonymous]

Would you if reversed? That's a recipe for disaster and not fair to her or a good way to start a relationship. Knowing this, it doesn't matter how much I might like her, bottom line is I'm not in any place to be in a relationship.

[Gene9]

If reversed, I’d be honest with him, and tell him I have feelings for him but I need time to figure myself out. And if he wanted to wait for me, that’s up to him, and if not, I’d completely understand and let him go💔

[LazerBean]

I mean, they do all the time. That's why we see so many girls who have been dating guys for 8 plus years still waiting for them to marry them.

[Gene9]

Why do you think they commit to a girl and then not marry her?

[LazerBean]

Because they like the girl and want a girlfriend, but don't want to commit for a lifetime. Then usually once they realize they get all the benefits of a husband, but none of the downfalls that a husband has if he decides to leave the girl, they just decide to never get married.

[CloudMassacre]

I’m not ready to be with someone, so I’m not going to just force myself

[Gene9]

So what would you do then if you really liked her and she liked you too, what would you tell her?

[CloudMassacre]

I would tell her about my mental and physical problems and have a discussion based on that. I guess if we talked through things and still seemed to vibe, I would maybe consider trying for something, but I just don’t expect someone to be willing to deal with my problems

[Gene9]

Interesting :) you wouldn’t try and just keep her on the side?

[CloudMassacre]

What do you mean “keep her on the side”?

[Gene9]

Like on the back burner… like you keep talking to her keep her attached like in case you feel ready and want her later on?

[CloudMassacre]

I fully expect them to move on, I don’t understand the complexities of stringing someone along to Maybe date later, but I’ve also never been in a situation of mutual attraction either

[Gene9]

I was strung along by a guy. He was interested in me first, but then when I wanted a relationship he said he wasn’t ready, but he wanted to stay friends and kept contacting me after that. In the end he insisted I tell him how I feel about him, and again told me he wasn’t ready?

[CloudMassacre]

Yeah, he sounds like a flip flop indecisive person who I would move on from

[Gene9]

But I feel betrayed though. Because he already knew what I felt and then he made me confess a second time, did he not realize it would hurt me?

[Anonymous]

Ugh I’m in this situation right now. He’s not ready to make it official but he’s been very committed to me (as far as I know), he shows a lot of effort too so I don’t understand why he won’t just make it official. I mean nothing’s gonna change…

[Gene9]

Has he been hurt in the past?

[Opinion Owner]

Yep. The thing is I feel like he’s being unfair bc he wants me to move on from my past hurts and won’t accept letting it affect our “relationship” while he’s using his past as an excuse.

[Opinion Owner]

The thing is I’ve told him that I wanted something more and he said he’s willing to give it to me when he’s ready but it’s been a year lol He basically treats me like we’re in a relationship tho, he’s met my parents (haven’t met his) and when I tried to break it off he wouldn’t let me go… I feel like he’s just stringing me along but at the same time he’s actually putting in a lot of efforts. So confused.

[Gene9]

He could have an avoidant attachment style?

[Opinion Owner]

He actually has an anxious attachment style, he wants love but is too scared to let anyone in

[Gene9]

That doesn’t sound like an anxious attachment , because people with an anxious attachment style are constantly seeking greater closeness, they can’t bear the thought of feelings distant with their partner. You haven’t met his family AND he is reluctant to commit, this proves he wants some form of distance from you, which could also mean he has an avoidant attachment style

[Gene9]

The fact that he doesn’t let you go only means he wants the benefits of the relationship without having to pay the cost of it. Doesn’t mean you’re the one he truly wants, because he wouldn’t put himself in a position to lose you if he truly did love you and any form of distance would be a threat to you leaving. Sounds like a “back burner” situation

[Opinion Owner]

Oh yeah that makes a lot of sense, but when I asked him to take the attachment style assessment with me he got anxious while I’m the one that gets avoidant lol I think it’s actually the opposite

And yeah I know that he’s probably just keeping me around bc he likes having someone around him. I’m actually slowly detaching myself from him so that I can prepare myself to walk away 😔

The thing that’s confusing is that he’s showing me a lot of effort to make me happy, he’s been very supportive of me and is always happy to be included in family gatherings. I don’t understand why he won’t commit if he’s already asked me to be exclusive then why not make it official

[Gene9]

Because a part of him is still unsure. Either of you, or relationships in general. He won’t make it official because he’s still trying to figure stuff out, but you NEED to let go for two reasons 1) you deserve way better and there are so many guys out there who will commit and love you and 2) he won’t see your value unless you let him go completely, I’m not saying he will change, but if he ever does it’s going to be when you’re gone, definitely not if you’re still there for him

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah that’s the sad reality but everything you said was all truth…

Have you ever been in a similar situation yourself?

[Gene9]

Yes I have, and he was my friend. I got hurt bad, because I trusted he wouldn’t hurt me because we agreed to be friends. Please take yourself out and this way you’ll have self respect.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh my, this guy that I’m involved with is also a friend… Thank you so much for the advice, it’s giving me additional courage to just walk away

[Gene9]

I’m sending you my support ❤️ please pm me if you need additional advice 🤍🫶🏽

[Gene9]

I know it’s hard, I never cared about anyone the way I cared about him, and I’m here to help if I can🥹

[Opinion Owner]

I can relate to you so bad, I also never cared about anyone like I do for him and I’m just super scared of getting hurt. I’m glad you manage to walk away from it though, you deserve so much better bc you’re awesome!

I will pm you if you don’t mind, I’ve never really talked about this with anyone bc I don’t want my friends to judge me but I know you’ll understand.

[Gene9]

We girls got to be there for one another! I’m here for you! You can talk to me whenever, I know exactly what you’re going through.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re the best ❤️ I just messaged you, hope we can chat some more about this

[WhitneySnow]

The answer to that is in your question. No. A guy like that would not commit to you and mean it no matter how much he liked you.

[Jamie05rhs]

Define "commit."

[Gene9]

Ask her to be his forever

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm. That's quite a big step.

I might ask her to "be mine" on a trial contingency basis. So we can date and get to know each other better and explore compatibility.

But I wouldn't propose or anything like that, if I wasn't ready yet.

[Anonymous]

🤣🤣🤣