Why are men like this?

[kylee2437]

So basically me and this guy talked for a month. He would constantly give me mixed signals but I just couldn’t tell if he was shy or something else. It got to the point where I asked if he even cared about me and he said he does he just wants to take things slowly. Fast forward we bought tickets for a concert and we attended Sunday. I went with him and his 2 friends , which he didn’t introduce me to. He ignored me the entire concert to the point where even his friends called him an asshole and I ended up partying at the concert with strangers. I’m embarrassed that I spent so much time on a guy like this. Why are men like this?

[DaveJord]

Your 25 years old this guys sounds so highschool, move on.

So always say every opportunity in dating is a chance to learn something about yourself, gain experience in order to make any changes you feel you need to make in order to become the best version of yourself possible.

Now in saying that I am not saying you did anything wrong, far from it. But you got to take some responsibility here, so you don't make the same mistakes. First off you should never have to ask a guy if he's interested or if he cares. If he does not make his intentions clear from the start and takes some imitative then you should move on. Now there is nothing wrong with a women approaching a guy, but once you get past the initial met and greet type thing the guys should be doing the right things as well.

Secondly, never agree to go on a date with him and his buddies. Shows a lack of emotional maturity. So as a guy I know my friends very well, last thing I want to do is introduce my friends to hot sexy girl that I want to date, and why would I intentionally bring a 3rd and 4th wheel along on a date with a girl? S

So up front there were some serious Red Flags that you missed or ignored, so you got take some responsibility here so you don't make the same mistakes again.

So why are guys like this?

Well most real men are not, first off. But who flipping knows why this insecure, emotionally immature, limp dick loser is an insecure, emotionally immature lip dick loser. Maybe his mother locked him in closet when he was young, maybe he had his balls severed off in some child hood trauma. Or maybe he is just a nut less wonder that acts like an asshole because he as zero real game or ability with women.

At the end of the day you did the right thing, made the best of bad situation and moved on. Was any of his friends cute?

[JamesDiaz11]

A better question would be is why did you stick around so long for a guy who clearly wasn't interested? When you ask someone flat out "do you care about me at all?" most people aren't going to say 'no' because then they're forced to feel bad when YOU couldn't take a hint.
Instead of blaming your dating failures on men not doing what YOU want, why not entertain the couple dozen guys who you ghosted to go out with this guy- many of whom clearly were more interested in you?
We already know the answer to this: because none of them were up to the standard that you think you command on the dating market. It doesn't matter how many 5/10 guys are after a 5/10 girl, i. e. you (let's be honest here), when she's shooting for an 8/10+ guy.

[kylee2437]

Because why would I get offended over the truth? If you say “hey I’m not feeling you like that” that’s way better than dragging me to an event where because the way he was treating me, I felt unsafe all around. You seem to be gaslighting me , when I’m not the issue here. I was honest and he was not.

[kylee2437]

And the guy I went with wasn’t all that attractive so bye

[JamesDiaz11]

Cut out this rhetorical nonsense, people get upset over the truth every day. You may be stuck in your emotions, but you have a functioning brain. This guy was being kind- you deceived yourself all on your own.

[kylee2437]

@JamesDiaz11 you seem like you do the same crap to women and you try to justify it by blaming the person that did absolutely nothing wrong in the situation. You have arrogant/narcissistic tendencies. There’s nothing kind about a man that brings you to a concert filled with drugs, all different kinds of people etc just to ignore you the whole time. There was a time I disappeared to talk to someone else and he didn’t even care to know where I am until 20 minutes later. Maybe you are this kind of guy, and you are trying to justify your own actions 🤷🏻‍♀️ notice how your answer is different than the majority

[kylee2437]

@JamesDiaz11 if you think being kind is lying /playing games for your own benefit because you are too much of a bitch to face what you brought yourself into, you need a lot of growing up to do. Generation filled with bitch made men, yuck

[LilyoftheLake]

Lol I had a conversation with some male friends about this a few months ago.

They said that guys get CONFUSED easily. See, when I shut down like that, it's an intentional push away, but they insisted that it's more like his mind switched tabs, or he got emotionally invested and panicked.

My advice? Ask him directly, or ride it out and see if it becomes a consistent pattern.

[kylee2437]

Nah I cut him off. He put me in an unsafe position and also didn’t even bother to change his mind on the situation at hand after being called out by all of his friends. Even his friends weren’t happy that he treated me how he did.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

Because women keep screwing the wrongs guys and creating more of them. Dude was being so disrespectful towards you, I'm sorry.

[kylee2437]

I didn’t screw him lol I’ve been celibate for 6 months. I’ve been celibate for this exact reason

[letuswaltzforthedead]

@kylee2437 didn't say you but his mom created him and did the world dirty like that.

[kylee2437]

Facts lmao. Makes me question how he treated his baby mother to the point where she isn’t in the baby or his life. Makes me question his sob story tbh

[letuswaltzforthedead]

Very well might be true but for your sake I hope the breakup wasn't anything serious. This and being a deadbeat dad with a baby momma sounds like trouble

[kylee2437]

He has full custody of his daughter but ever since then it makes me wonder if he did something extremely fucked up to his ex to the point where she felt like she needed to be away from him and her daughter unfortunately. I mean I only got a small ounce of him within a month and he treated me like a fucking asshole at that concert.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

Alright, at least there's that, he'll probably let you in onto what happened as time goes by. Hopefully this doesn't happen again but at least his friends called him out (friends usually help give you an idea of the person themselves). Who knows if something bad went down or if the b. Momma was down bad odd.

[kylee2437]

Eh I’m going to assume he got her hooked onto drugs and then ever since then she wasn’t the same. From what I witnessed this weekend, honestly I wouldn’t doubt, that my assumption is the truth. It won’t happen again because I won’t ever hang out with him again unless if he is the exact opposite of who he presented himself as

[letuswaltzforthedead]

That bsd, huh? Because of ending up with a guy like that, at least a month wasted isn't as bad as a year wasted with a man of his sorts

[ChrisMaster69]

The joys of dating, it happens with guys and girls.

I’ve enough girl mates who walk in to pub and throw themselves on to sofa and have a rant about some guy, often similar to this, or only want that closeness when alone etc.

also have guy mates that almost mirror image it and have a rant.

my personal belief is what people like the idea of relationships, but then when in one do not have a clue what to do.

it’s like “John you need to date someone”

John says “okay dating, now what”

silence.. l.. l

for me it’s a bit meh, as I’m Demisexual, meaning I need that emotional connection, which without it dating is just sitting in a restaurant with some one. It’s worse for women Demis.

[kylee2437]

Yeah I’m demisexual as well and it’s insanely painful.

[TruthBringer]

Sounds like you fell for the asshole type. Probably one who has many women to choose from. Check your friendzone, you'll find the decent guys in there. Men aren't like that, the men YOU are attracted to are like that. You're a 25 year old woman. Don't tell me you haven't had a guy be nice to you and go out of his way to do things for you. Did you give him a chance? Probably not.

Whatever he did, he is an asshole and is unacceptable. Not only did he lead you on, but he also doesn't have the decency to introduce you to his buddies when you're with him. But then again, what did you see in this guy? Or did you fall for the fact he is "mysterious" and "hard to get"?

[kylee2437]

Words of wisdom! Me and him had a previous history and I was willing to give him another chance because he now has a daughter and I thought that he would have more respect considering he has a daughter. It actually scares me that he has a daughter and he left me the way he did Sunday. I am going on a date with another guy and he actually planned stuff out! The guy that I went to the concert with can kick rocks and I honestly told him he can kick rocks after the concert.

[TruthBringer]

@kylee2437 Great job taking things into your own hands. There is really no point in losing your emotional and mental sanity on people who cannot give make you question yourself. To give you an example from my own relationship: When I first met my girlfriend, I didn't give her mixed signals and neither did she. And that's how our dates went flawlessly because we both were upfront with each other and didn't feel the need to play mindgames. And now we're in a strong and healthy relationship for many years.

Back to you: I assume you're childless. Of course the choices in your own life are yours, but I advice not bothering yourself with a single parent who will make you the last priotity. I'm highly opinionated that we childless people should enjoy our lives without the burden of kids, let alone kids not our own. And give ourselves the chance to build our own table instead of begging for a seat at someone else's. Meaning give yourself the opportunity to have your own loving family in the future rather than deal with baby momma/ex-wife issues. And then risk getting disrespected by the parent and their kids cuz they aren't yours.

In any way, you did the right thing to let that toxic dude go.

[TruthBringer]

There is really no point in losing your emotional and mental sanity on people who make you question yourself.*

[kylee2437]

@TruthBringer I already had doubts and I talked to him about it a few days before. He seemed so convincing so I gave him another chance. The concert was the chance , and he blew it. One of the worst outings I’ve ever been on and it’s very sad because the event got fun for me once I stopped hanging with him and went else where.

And I didn’t mind taking on that role , but I seriously do question his daughters safety if he treats grown women the way he treats them. I would’ve thought a man would man up because karma is a bitch and his daughter will receive that treatment if he doesn’t step the hell up and learn how to treat women correctly. The mother isn’t in the girls life and he seems like an unpleasant person all around so. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just don’t want to be around someone that isn’t caring and genuine

[TruthBringer]

@kylee2437 It wouldn't surprise me if he was a narcissist. These people are VILE to their core and are notorious for giving warm-cold treatment. Which sounds like exactly what you went through. Not to forget to mention he tried to pull you back in (which is called a hoover attempt). But as you can see, he didn't actually regret anything and he kept on being an ass. Be careful with people making you feel this way. I've personally dealt with narcissistic abuse and trust me, you don't want to deal with the (complex) PTSD that follows.

In any way. What I believe is that you should dig within yourself and really reconsider the type of men you feel attracted to. This is why I brought up the 'friendzone' in my main comment. That's what I had to do in order to avoid bad women. And I'm glad I did because eventually, I managed to find a gem while filtering all the stones. Because often, the guys who make the best partners are thrown there for the ones who couldn't give a rat's ass about us. Even men do this to some degree.

Hope it all works out. Good luck!

[kylee2437]

@truthbinger interesting that you said that because I already went through narcissistic abuse and I actually started getting ptsd symptoms while dealing with this guy. Same feelings as when I was going through the break up with my ex.

[TruthBringer]

@kylee2437 Glad to meet a fellow narc survivor. Look at it this way. It's actually incredibly good that this guy triggered the PTSD. That means your mind and body managed to pick up on the toxicity and were warning you about it. But of course our good nature tends to still let things slide and give people a chance. But I believe the triggers we experience when meeting someone new work in our favor. Because we can instantly recognize toxicity and a potential narcissist before we invest too much into them.

It sucks what you had to go through. But kuddos that you eventually just walked away from him and spent your night elsewhere. No decent person should waste their time and emotions on such toxic people who "love" us whenever it is convenient to them.

[Lionman95]

I think the problem is that many guys don't fall quickly for a girl we don't straight away if we love or like her. Some guys might fall quickly but others don't, he wanted to take things because he didn't know what he felt for you because just realising that you're nice to talk to, an open and creative person is not always enough to fall for a woman enough to have a relationship.
Maybe he's really shy and inexperienced so he had a hard time figuring out his feelings.

[kylee2437]

To me it doesn’t matter about feelings. He literally wasn’t even acting like a friend to me at the concert. He didn’t need to have his feelings figured out, but not talking to me at a concert that he introduced me to is weird af especially when I had a random guy with me the entire time to make up for his loss

[Lionman95]

Yes that´s something I agree with you, maybe I misunderstood that in it´s intensity about the concert. I´m sorry to hear that he was so bad to you. Because that´s bad manner and I hope he learns something from it because that was clearly his fault. I think guys do that when they are inexperienced because guys sometimes have time periods when they are somewhere with their buddies watching something and not talking but it´s different if the guy introduces her to a concert and ignores her the whole time.

[RavVid]

A girl once asked me why her guy introduced her as his bit of fluff to his friends. I suppose the good side of your experience is he didn't introduce you as his bit of fluff to his two friends.

That is where the upside stops. Ditch. Delete his nbr from your phone before his very eyes!

[kylee2437]

He said I was just a friend to him, so like if I’m even just a friend, why not introduce me to people I’m hanging out with? They pretty much viewed me as a random bitch in their car which is even worse

[RavVid]

He is a Cee U Next Tuesday

[kylee2437]

He is a I’m not fucking with him until he apologizes completely

[HighValue]

I don't know why he would take someone with him if he intended to ignore you. That doesn't even make sense to me. And in my opinion it seems like a bad idea to bring other people along on a date especially when things are new and you are getting to know each other. Just find someone else. It doesn't sound like he has serious intentions. He was probably just hoping for a hook up or something. Not relationship material in my opinion.

[Paul09]

Men are not all like this. Your man is like that. So bizzare. If I was his friend I'd be like why didn't you introduce your new friend? So 1 guy acts very strangely , all. guts are like that? If that were true , there would be no couples lol. Leave this guy in the dust. Not worth your time. Your be surprised that not "all men" are like this fool.

[Alex8736]

I have 4 words for you. " Don't chase just replace". Once you start seeing someone else and the attention is on the new person watch how fast he'll be telling you he has all these feelings towards you and your response at this point should be " if you hesitate you masturbate" just saying

[mobiusforniner]

He doesn't love you. Tell him he is a dick, because he is. And find someone worthy of your time and effort.

[kylee2437]

Don’t worry I cut him off. Going on another date with a different guy tomorrow that actually planned something out with me 😊

[mobiusforniner]

Yes, that makes me happy to hear. You obviously deserve better. Have a good night and a fun day tomorrow

[GreatnessBack]

Listen, do not put all men in the same catergory because of 1 or even 50 guys. There are over 2 Billion of us, so that's not fair.
Second point, sorry for wasting time, but at least you know what to look out for in the future.

[kylee2437]

Never said all men are like this however vast majority of men I have encountered are full of shit

[GreatnessBack]

When all the men you encounter are full of shit, you are the common denominator between all of them.
Keep that in mind.

[kylee2437]

Nah the only thing I can change is tightening my boundaries but majority of men are full of shit

[bean2k21]

So, one guy isn't into you, and all men are now responsible for it? Maybe you should Google "cognitive distortions."

[kylee2437]

Where did I say all men? Do you feel attacked because you are like this? I asked why men are like this, because clearly I’ve been in multiple situations where men can’t just be transparent

[TruthBringer]

"Where did I say all men?"

Come on, don't insult our intelligence. WHen you say "why are men like this", you're implying men in general if not all men. WHat you mean to say is "why are some men like this?"

[kylee2437]

@TruthBringer no I am not saying all men, I am stating that I have encountered tons of men that can’t be transparent even when I say it’s literally okay to not be into me or just want to hook up.

[kylee2437]

@TruthBringer also if you know it’s only some men, why even bother saying something that won’t make a difference?

[bean2k21]

@kylee2437 Wow, no wonder guys ignore you. I was trying to be helpful. And you're just insulting our intelligence and making generalization. Why do all women do that?

[kylee2437]

@bean2k21 guys ignore me yet I’m going on a date tonight, weird lol 🤷🏻‍♀️ You insulted my intelligence first instead of being helpful, next

[TruthBringer]

@kylee2437 If that's truly what you meant, then be careful in how you send your message. Because what you've given us is not doing justice to what you truly mean. Do keep in mind that we take what you provide us. And therefore it is crucial to make sure your message is well delivered to avoid misunderstandings.

[kylee2437]

@TruthBringer I get your point, however , men that don’t actually do stuff like this, don’t need to address such a cliché way too react to how someone decided to word things because I was upset.

[TruthBringer]

@kylee2437 True. But then again unfortuantely, this website is full of people who do generalize. So I took you for one of them. Again, be careful with the way you say things, because on a semantic level, you did generalize

[kylee2437]

@TruthBringer I don’t need to be careful of how I say things. People need to learn to stop being sensitive and keep it pushing

[TruthBringer]

@kylee2437 It's true people are sensitive and often more than necessary. But in this case, it's best to admit you made a semantic mistake. Nobody is telling you to be politically correct to try not to offend anyone. We are saying that you used the incorrect structure of words that form a sentence is generalizing an entire gender, even though that's not what your intentions were. So it all boils down to a semantic error. If you fail to see this mistake in language, that's more of a you-problem.

[kylee2437]

@TruthBringer once again, I don’t owe anyone a correction. If someone wants to act sensitive instead of giving advice, that’s not my problem. At least you gave wisdom and advice. He came here to just complain about words.

[TheMajesticKing777]

Why is he like this, I refused to fall in the same category lol

Confront him about it, you have nothing to lose at this point

[kylee2437]

I already did lol I confronted him 3 times at the concert

[TheMajesticKing777]

That's good on you, what did he say lol

[kylee2437]

Well when I confronted him in his car alone he said “I have no words” 🤷🏻‍♀️ so he can leave me alone until he has proper words to say because all his friends agreed he was being an asshole to me

[TheMajesticKing777]

He was tho, he should've just went alone if he was going to lone wolf the whole party

[kylee2437]

He never should’ve invited me like I meant something to him when in reality he wanted me to go just to do my own thing 🤷🏻‍♀️ I had a random guy that night act more respectful to me than he did

[kylee2437]

It’s a red flag that he didn’t even know many people around him even though it seemed like the people that go to those events consistently know each other

[TheMajesticKing777]

Yea, the dude doesn't seem very bright but at least you can just check him off your list lol

[kylee2437]

Oh he’s done for unless if he actually wants to put in effort. He’s dead to me right now 🤷🏻‍♀️

[TheMajesticKing777]

I agree that is the best choice, the effort has to be balanced between the both people, not just once sides, which it's best not to close all doors until you feel the balance of effort

[kylee2437]

Yeah I already felt like there was an off balance but I asked him a couple days ago about what this was and he explained he wanted to take things slowly which I’m completely fine with however what he did to me confirmed he was just trying to be flat out disrespectful to me.

[TheMajesticKing777]

Whatever his intentions were, it doesn't seem to be what you were expecting, either ways don't let it effect you, if anything see it as a step closer to the right man, the less time you waste with this one, you can use the time to find the real one

[kylee2437]

My issue is he lied about his intentions even when I asked him if he even fucks with me lol like that was his time to literally say how he feels and then continued to say he doesn’t play games etc. Like why are so many guys like this?

[TheMajesticKing777]

Some guys are clueless on how toxic they can be, they have a selfish mindset and think of their benefits and not how it effects others, he probably thought he didn't play games but as soon as something benefitted him, he switched up, I'm not trying to accuse the man but my assumption is that maybe he met another girl at that party or maybe even before, either ways you made the best choice for yourself

[kylee2437]

He has a lot going on in his life, but it’s no excuse. He did play games because he made out with me a day before that, and what caused that was him putting his arms around me and laying on me. He’s a weirdo

[TheMajesticKing777]

Of course it's no excuse, he trippin but it could've been worse, it could've been farther into the connection, he could've fooled you and wasted much more of your time

[kylee2437]

Yeah I’m happy it didn’t go further. He didn’t deserve an ounce of my effort

[TheMajesticKing777]

Nope, either ways I wish you the best on your journey of love 💯

[Snsl153]

His friends were right to call him an asshole. Just dump him. You deserve so much better than that clown.

[Britchie]

He either doesn't like you enough to respect you or he is caught up in his ego. You should pass on him.

[spartan55]

Your first clue should have been when he wanted his two friends to come along.

[kylee2437]

They all go to these types of concerts together so I understand it, but I didn’t expect to be ignored the whole time

[spartan55]

So it felt like a date going in?

[spartan55]

Sounds like a weird dude tbh.

[kylee2437]

@spartan55 when he started talking to me he made it seem like we were going to go on dates. At the concert I expected his friends to come along but I had no clue he was going to treat me like trash the entire night

[kylee2437]

@spartan55 yep the night at the concert I found out he’s weird. The type of concert I went to a lot of people know each other there because they all go to the same events and it seems like he didn’t know anyone there. Red flag

[spartan55]

Hmmm... well all guys certainly aren't like that.

[kylee2437]

I know they aren’t but like why even waste my time like that? Lol and then going to a concert where people are social and not even socializing is weird af

[spartan55]

Indeed.

[Fireguy17]

Because we can be idiots at times.
Sorry you had a bad night.

[kylee2437]

Yelp he lost me as a potential whether he cared or not. Probably the worst outing I’ve ever been on and that speaks volumes

[Fireguy17]

Ouch.
Hang in there you will meet someone who will treat you in a way you deserve to be treated.
Many behavior patterns are learned at home, how you were raised, others just happen.
Still that is no excuse to treat you that way.
I wonder if his friends said anything to him how he was treating you.

[kylee2437]

@Fireguy17 they did say something to him. The guy I was with the entire time instead of who I originally came with also said something to him. It’s his fault completely and he probably thought I wouldn’t tell people

[Fireguy17]

Well, you can't fix stupid.
Move on and that memory will fade over time.

[bamesjond0069]

The real question is why did you choose a man like this? Many men wouldn't have treated you this way but like most women y'all always choose morons.

[kylee2437]

Because I wasn’t expecting him to treat me that way at the concert considering that’s all that me and him talked about the upcoming weeks

[bamesjond0069]

"He would constantly give me mixed signals" i personally wouldn't bother with someone like that in the first place. Lesson learned for next time hopefully.

[kylee2437]

Yes however I wasn’t expecting him to ignore me completely at a concert. Lesson sure learned but I’m disgusted

[bamesjond0069]

You also could have introed yourself to the friends and or just said "hey jim, are you going to introduce me or just be rude?"

[kylee2437]

I shouldn’t need to introduce myself if the person I am with isn’t rude. I had a random guy introducing me to people all night long instead 🤷🏻‍♀️

[bamesjond0069]

Yeah i dont blame you. Id have bounced too. But clearly you didn't feel invested enough to try so did you even really like him that much? Lol

[kylee2437]

I asked him twice before I made it a huge issue where everyone else was involved because 1. It became a safety issue 2. Stonewalling someone is toxic as hell 3. It was bad vibes all around. I gave him 3 chances to explain himself. The random guy I was with that night also gave him a chance to explain him which he used to gaslight me and say we were just friends but the realistic part is he wasn’t even acting like a friend towards me

[bamesjond0069]

Psycho. Thankfully he brought his friends so you werent alone with him. Seems like a real freak.

[kylee2437]

Yes I agree! If it wasn’t for his friends witnessing it, I would’ve have no form of validation that he was treating me like an asshole. At least 3 people witnessed him being an asshole

[anon1903]

"What the hell is your problem?" Is a question if asked, he'd grant answers, or at least f off.

[kylee2437]

Trust me I asked him 3 times and he fucked right off 😂 either embarrassed or knows I don’t fuck with him anymore

[anon1903]

Good

[kylee2437]

Yep , I’ve never had a terrible outing experience until this one. The worst one I’ve ever had.

[Texaskid1]

Are you sure this guy had a romantic interest in you? Maybe he saw you as a buddy.

[kylee2437]

I asked him what he was looking for, he wanted to take things slowly. On top of the fact that a day before that we made out in his car and he had his arm around me the entire night. Even if he saw me as a buddy, he wasn’t even acting like a friend. I didn’t expect to be kissy kissy at a concert with his boys there, but like he was excluding me from the group

[Texaskid1]

Well in that case it was rude of him to ignore you at the concert.

Keep walking young lady.

[kylee2437]

Oh I cut him off. Even his friends were mad at him and he still refused to give me an actual apology.

[FilmGuy93]

People like that are just super immature and honestly can't tell you what they want for breakfast.

[kylee2437]

I’m all set with that lol especially with people that can’t keep it real to save their lives.

[FilmGuy93]

I feel the same way; it's bullshit. The only way you can avoid these people is to know what you want; it deters people like him. They wil waste your time as long as you play along with their antics.

[kylee2437]

Oh I told him I have standards and then left him hanging with no goodbye after I left his car. His behavior disgusted me

[FilmGuy93]

Sometimes that's the best thing for it.

[jhl_x]

"why are men like this?"

*proceeds to describe one bad experience with some nobody*