Why is it harder for men to get partners than women?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

My brother came home kinda mopey, then started talking about how much he wanted a girlfriend. His friends were with him and we got into this huge discussion about girls and guys finding partners.

They all agreed it was easier for girls to get partners than men; I wondered how because women are so much more picky / choosey, and rarely just settle for any kind of guy. But guys tend to be more open and less picky about choosing their companions.

So, I was thinking- how come it seems harder for guys to get women?

Even women who wouldn't be considered good looking can still pick up guys - does this bode the same for males?

Is it all really a matter of confidence?

Maybe the majority of guys tend to have higher standards than they realize; like seeking out perfect mates in every aspect or something?

What are your thoughts on this?

Updates

+1 y

And the confidence question was because I was arguing that guys need to do more approaching and what not. My brother said, " it's better if the girls come to me." I think things may work out better if more guys put themselves out there ya know?

[TurbulentDan12]

For the most part the way our society works, there are many more guys who get with multiple girls than girls that get with multiple guys. Because guys have the power to ask out whoever they want (girls can too obviously I'm just speaking about the majority of cases) the same really good looking, really confident guys can pursue multiple girls and get accepted while the less attractive less confident guys are stuck on the sidelines waiting for some miracle to pop up.

The other problem is that most (not all) decent looking girls will get some attention from guys. Decent or worse looking guys usually don't get much attention from girls at all because they combine their looks with a lack of confidence and are surrounded by men that are overshadowing them.

I know for me I have a confidence issue. I hate doing things I don't feel I'm good at and I hate failure in any form. That is why I avoid asking out girls and I'm well aware. A girl who is similar to me may have the guy do all the work for him and the issue isn't a problem.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I see what you mean - so it does kinda boil down to the whole confidence factor with guys. It hints on what SunSeeker said above about men constantly competing, and women seeking out what she considers best in a male. And it doesn't help that the less confident guys are overshadowed by the more bolder confident ones. : \ I wonder though - even though the guy may be less confident, if other more desirable qualities could become more important for women? As less confident guys do find companions

[TurbulentDan12]

The reason they get overshadowed is because the way most girls choose their partner is to look at all of their offers and pick the best one. Dating the shy guy doesn't seem like an easy option compared to dating the guy who just asked you out. If girls asked out guys just as often as guys asked out girls there would be no issue in my mind.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Very true - the more confident guy is naturally more appealing. I personally am not to keen on the idea of asking the guy out, because I need to see that boldness and ability to overcome his own personal obstacles(nerves and the aspect of rejection.) But that's just me - some women don't mind. Plus, guys are more of the approachers / chasers - it's something that's hard - wired in them.

[TurbulentDan12]

I guess they forgot to hard-wire that into me unfortunately

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Lol no - I'm sure the urge is there, you just hold yourself back for reasons.

[SunSeeker]

It's harder for men to get partners because of the sheer competition they have. Basically all males are competing for the attention of females, and if a man chooses not to compete it's really not a problem for a woman because there will be countless other males that will. So you can imagine when one males decides to go after a female, in her mind it's not a matter of "is he good enough" it's a matter of "can I do better?"

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

That is true - women are constantly seeking out the " bigger and better," in their own sense.

[SunSeeker]

Yep, but it's not a big deal because once women realize they're ever closer to menopause all of that changes and the tides turn, why do you think there are so many cougars?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

LOL

Yea, I've seen that happen - the pickiness gene is pretty much shut off at that point; people take what they can get.

[SunSeeker]

Exactly, desperate times call for desperate measures. Tell your bro not to worry, his time will come ;).

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Right - thanks I will. :)

[SunSeeker]

Sweet, that last line in my answer sealed the deal eh? :P

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Yea pretty much lol

[Anonymous]

but when a girl gets a boyfriend, the guy is getting a girlfriend at the same time? so wouldn't it be the same?

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

For those two people yes - but in the over view, it seems like women generally have more options, so finding partners is easier. I thought it was 50/50 but apparently that's not so..

[alexsc]

Generally speaking, girls have loads of options, guys have few. This means girls gets to choose a partner, rejecting most guys.

Guys on the other hand may have 0-2 options, so they can't really choose, and if we get picky, we become very lonely. (Generally speaking)

[Anonymous]

There is a larger population of women then there are men.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Shouldn't that make it easier? More women to choose from? More options and variations in standards that could up a guys chances.

[Opinion Owner]

It would make sense yes.

[Anonymous]

Because women suck. They want to get a jerk that they can change into a nice guy, because a naturally nice guy is boring. Looks seem to be more important today then they ever have been in the past, and the funniest part is: men age much better than women usually. So your hot husband is only gonna get hotter, and after you pop your kids out, you'll look not as hot. But it's okay, he'll still love you, because when you find a great guy- that's what they do. Women on the other hand, always want the next best thing, always have a back up plan.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

That's an interesting perspective - but I can't disagree. I've seen it happen several times among my friends. Choosing the jerks and what not over the more decent guys.

As far as aging - that's totally dependent on the person. Women in their late 40's early 50's can hit the dating game and do pretty well. I haven't heard of much success from older guys unless their rich. But then again, that all depends on genetics, as some women /men don't have a chance at all at that age.

[Mr_Solo_Dolo]

"So your husband is only gonna get hotter" Lol

[Opinion Owner]

They don't get it.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

I'm not saying guys don't age well, but that's pretty biased to say only men do. That's not true at all.

[mike5150]

because men are the ones that seek out women and ask them out. the girl has the ultimate power because its her choice weather to say yes or no to them. just about every girl I know my age has had quite a few boyfriends and I have had 1 and all my friends have had 0, 1 or 2. The problem for guys is we are all fighting for women. We put areselvs out there and if she says no it usually ends with the guy feeling like crap. From reading through some questions on this site I notice quite a few girls who get approached quite frequantly. What that can do is lead a women to belive she can always do better and another guy will just come along. I have only approached 3 women in my life they all said no and 2 of them did so in a manner to purposely make me feel like crap. Only girl I have ever gone out with was a girl who asked me and that didn't end to good either.

[Brando]

When you're expected to initiate and take the lead in introducing yourself, making an impression on the other person, making that person comfortable with you, making that person see something good enough about you to want to see you again, to make sure you don't say something to put that person off, to keep your spirits up after numerous rejections and shoot downs...

...once you experience that, then come back and update this question :)

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

But I have experienced that; I know guys have to do a bit more - but don't think your not the only one who's trying to stand out and make an impact. I have to make myself interesting enough for him to want to keep around - there's nothing stopping him from dissing me and taking off. However, I'd be lying if I didn't acknowledge that guys have to do more in a sense, to make themselves seem like the best choice over all others for her.

[Brando]

Yeah, I'm not one to sit around and throw a pity party. But just dipping my toes into this whole scene is more than enough to show how tough it is. If it's tough now, what's it like later? That's what I ask myself.

I know one of my biggest issues is just trying to get the girl to talk back and be comfortable. That is some hard stuff to do and I have no idea how to do it yet! lol

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

lol yea it's kinda tough - but your a pretty decent guy based on the stuff I've seen you post - I doubt it will get any worse / harder for you.

That's my same problem :P keeping the other person engaged. Always run out of stuff to say : \

[Brando]

Yeah I don't suppose it could het het any harder...but hey man, you never know lol

[TimePhantom]

Because traditionally it is the guys job to approach the girl and initiate the conversation. The guy must then show that he is date worthy to the girl, and then ask the girl out, leaving the girl with the choice to reject him. All the girl has to do is stand around and look good and wait for guys to approach her. The guy has more to lose, the guy can get rejected.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Don't guys want more than a girl who just looks good though? Can't the guy reject as well? I've been rejected, or chosen over because of his own preference. But I see what you mean; the guy does seem to have to do more to really win over the girl, and prove why he's the best for her.

[MrWrong]

It's 50/50. It's just that the confident guys get first dibs on the girls they want. The not so confident guys are left in the dust, and rarely get together with the shy girls. I'm pulling all of this information out of my ass, by the way. It's based on observation and conversations iwth my friends on similar issues.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Lol - it's actually pretty true; the not so confident guys always complain about wanting to be more confident and get women, then you have the more confident guys sweeping these girls off their feet.

[Little-Hippie]

Different goals.

Girls have it hard too if you consider their goals.

Yeah, it's easy for a gal to get a date or get laid.

Let here try to get a guy to fall in love with her.

Now she's hit a wall.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

That's a very good point

[martyfellow]

Womrn in traditional dating are in the powe position, can string guys along at will...guys are the ones asking. It often turns into a bidding war...Girls often have multiple offers for dates.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

If a guy ask multiple women out instead of just one every so often, so you think that could help men out? I mean, it's not wrong - women tend to have multiple men offering; why shouldn't a guy be able to date multiple women at a time until he finds one he likes?

[Ronalds_back]

Haha lol, girls tend to want to feel special and not just another girl he said that same one cute thing to, to make them laugh. So asking too many girls out at once is counter productive and will just make things worse in the long run

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

So guys are kinda put in an awkward position there - I didn't realize women had that much power as far as dating. I figured if women can talk to multiple guys at a time, a guy should be able to do the same with women. That's lame :\

[martyfellow]

i avoided tradiyional dating, went out with groups of girls, Then along came a Frenchwoman...end to all games

[dvd89]

"women are so much more picky / choosey, and rarely just settle for any kind of guy."

lol...and they say men are shallow...

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

How is having standards shallow? You have them - are you shallow?

[dvd89]

Having a standard IS shallow...if you truly like someone...you like them for them...not WHAT they look like...

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Then everyone is shallow by that rule. You have your specific preferences in what you deem attractive in a female, as I have mine in men. Looks are definitely something that can't be ignored; if your not attracted to that person, you wouldn't even bother approaching or starting a relationship. You have certain characteristics you prefer in her that make her who she is. That's not shallow, that's just having appropriate standards.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

What is shallow, is soley deciding based off of looks or for money and things of that nature, instead of picking someone for the qualities that make them who they are. And qualities are standards.

[dvd89]

I never said having a type is "wrong"...I just said it was shallow...and yes indeed...ALL people are somewhat shallow...you HAVE to have a sexual attraction to them...in order to not only have a relationship but sex as well...

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Everyone is shallow then because we all have a type. I don't get why that makes a person shallow - it isn't logical. We are hard wired to seek out aspects in a partner for biological reasons as far as looks, and of course you'd want someone you can click with, with good qualities you can appreciate. That's not shallow, it's just being honest with yourself and what you truly like.

[dvd89]

TRUE shallowness...would be people like golddiggers etc...we are just talking about normal people though...

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Yea I agree there.

So in your experiences, do you feel it's harder as a guy to get a girl?

[dvd89]

As a guy (who many women probably would not go for)..I think that it is tough...however "toughER"...is another story...

[moviedude714]

because girls don't have to make the first move, don't have to initiate

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Is the initiation thing hard because it opens you up more to rejection? I'm trying to understand why that works against men; the more women you ask - aren't your chances of success higher?

[moviedude714]

not really because if we keep asking girls out, like we guys can't make getting a girlfriend our number one priority

[frustratedchump06]

because we guys always have to initiate, take charge, which I hate with a huge passion, all girls have to do is welcome or deny advancse, they have "Veto Power"

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

What's wrong with that? lol I don't understand why men don't like that. Your men, your big and strong and in charge - why is professing your masculinity so difficult? Guys typically like to show off their feathers.

That's like me saying, I hate having to look pretty, I hate having to be nurturing / loving / compassionate / motherly / emotional -

I'm a woman - those things are apart of me. How can they be refused?

I must ask - have you had a girlfriend?

[frustratedchump06]

in charge? as in you want the guy to be "The Boss" in the Relationship? I hate Masculinity because I hate rejection, I hate having to do all the work as if I'm someone's slave, guys have emotions and feelings too you know, we are not robots

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

No I don't want men to be the boss over anyone - but that's the role men naturally assume - hence our male dominated society, and hyper male competitiveness.

Um everyone gets rejected. Doesn't matter if your masculine or not, male or female. That's a part of life. Everyone hides behind that as a way to justify the situation - but come on. Life slaps us around all the time.

And who are you slave to? Women?! LOL

If anything it's women who are forced to serve men.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Don't let the foolish thinking of me on this sight get to you - men are not treated as slaves. So what you have to ask out, so what you pay for a few dates - then she pays along with you, gets her own things, makes her own cash etc. This isn't the stone age - men don't cater to women unless they WANT.

Men have bought me things, treated me without me asking - simply of their own accord. I don't enslave men - men are too proud to be put in such a position - especially by women.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

foolish thinking of men* :P

[frustratedchump06]

well it's like you girls just have to be along for the ride while us guys have to do all the work

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Along for what ride? You do understand that it requires both sides for a relationship to work right? The first couple of moments, usually the guy steps up of his own accord, so long as the female is willing to his advances. After a while, things equate.

Men are a luxury - understand that. Also understand that before any dude came along, that girl was fine paying for herself, and getting her own things.

Women don't need men to provide for us anymore -

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

We get along just fine financially, and all that other superficial sh*t just fine without men.

So what ride are you taking us on? Paying a few dates? Buying a few objects? That last what, maybe two weeks? Hell maybe even after the first date night lol

Not much of a ride.

I wish men would get out of that mindset - your not giving women anything we can't give ourselves, your not catering to us unless you want, and this dynamic exist because men created it this way.

It's just being nice.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

On top of that, do understand that we are still greatly influenced by nature. Intersex is what ultimately drives males to ' impress,' and demonstrate worthiness to a female. This idea was presented by Darwin himself, as well as intrasex in which the women are the ultimate choosers.

Humans disrupted that balance when men forced women to submit, and took that natural choice away by means of arranged marriages and female dependence on men - simply to survive.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Now that we have that choice back, thus the balance of intrasex for males has become more apparent. Paying / swooning / asking out a girl, is a means of doing this. Women want strong capable fathers for our children, and such aspects make a man seem strong, dependable, and very capable of raising the roost.

Women seek strength in men - naturally - as men are built physically stronger as is - so the trait is inherently desired.

It's just nature.

And some aspects you can't beat.

[frustratedchump06]

when I mean for along for the ride, I mean that us guys have to lead all the time, make all or most of the decisions, all or most of the plans

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

Eh - depends on the man, and it depends on the relationship. Men in a sense ' lead' the relationships, but not literally - it's more of them taking up that position to suit the need to feel in authority. Most of the time it's an equal choice in planning and decisions - actually, I'd say that's more of the female's forte, because we are the pace makers in the union; often we throw men into our little plans and ideas and the guys the one who's like " babe, um, I don't know about this..."

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

And again - that take charge mentality is something that is very profound in guys - hence the reason men rule the world. Men have to feel in a respected, authoritative spot for some reason - it's a dude thing - so as far as that aspect, once again it's men who create this reality.

You can keep trying to pin this on the women, but the truth is, these ideas are all derived from male mentality.

However, with the changing times, these ideas will change to - hence the strife for equality.

[frustratedchump06]

a lot of people say that the reason why this current generation of men who become "pussified, have lost their touch on how to be a man, we are living in an age of feminine men" is because a lot of guys grow up without a father, are raised by single moms, well that's not the case for me, my real parents have been married for nearly 25 years now, and they are each others' first marriage, I even asked my mom if she considers my dad to be a dominant, head of the household type guy, and she said no

[frustratedchump06]

she says she thought of him as a "nice guy, or nice man" as in she does not expect him to make all or most of the decisions, that she and him have always gave each other suggestions, opinions, and if both agreed, that is the decision that would be made

[Anonymous]

BECAUSE women are so picky and choosey. You answered your own question.

[oOsweet~o~nessOo]

But that should severely limit women as well, but it doesn't?

[Opinion Owner]

But men have higher sex drives; women can manipulate that to their advantage. Not only that, but men are expected to make the first move, which is much harder to do than what most women do, which is sit back and wait until a guy approaches, at which point they have the power to reject him or give him a chance.

Also, if a woman ever does make the first move, the guy will most likely give her a chance as they are less picky and will also probably apprecate her making that move.

[Dom163]

Competition whereas women are the judges