Why would a guy flirt with you and hangout alone and then tell you you'll never be close friends and that he has enough close friends?

[Anonymous]

We were hanging out together at a bar and talking about a lot of things. He all at once told me that he and I will never be close friends, that he has enough close friends. He also asked me what I want and said I'm too scared of things. Later in the night I heard him quietly say he thought I looked cute with my hood up. (He had been telling me to put it up and said he was making fun of me.) I don't get it. Why hangout and be flirty yet say we'll never be close friends?

[FilmGuy93]

Some people suck. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people out there that go through life totally out of touch with their feelings and who they are as people, and they often take that confusion out on other people.

[Jamie05rhs]

He doesn't want a friend. He wants a girlfriend.

[Sandeeppingping]

Exactly, he's afraid close friends means friendzone, if she likes him then all she has to do is say it

[Asker]

@Sandeeppingping Really? I took it like the night meant nothing to him. He did say at one point, "right now it's you and I together and we're hanging out. Let's just enjoy the moment." I was a bit confused by all of it.

[Jamie05rhs]

Ohhhh. Then it's the opposite. My bad.

[Asker]

Now I'm more confused. He was flirty before and after the comment about never being close friends. He's said this before too and asked if I knew what he meant. I don't.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker. I don't know. But this definitely gives off fuckboy vibes:
"right now it's you and I together and we're hanging out. Let's just enjoy the moment."

[Asker]

We were talking about how it's been a bit complicated between us in the past. He was telling me not to worry about it and that we should just have fun and enjoy the night together. He never tried hooking up with me. I just don't know why he's said twice now that we'll never be close friends and that he has enough friends. I also didn't know what to say when he asked what I want. I've said before maybe we shouldn't be friends and he doesn't want that and said he'd tell me if he didn't want to be.

[Jamie05rhs]

Now y'all are both confusing me.

[Asker]

Basically we've always been flirty with each other, but it never goes anywhere and we never talk about it. He even spent an entire party talking to me and holding my hand. I catch him staring constantly, he always comments how little I am, hugs me, teases me, calls me sweet cheeks, etc. We've never hung out alone like this before. We were talking about how people have told me he's said some comments about me in the past and how I don't fully trust him now. Then he launched into the close friend thing. In the past he's told me "we're friend's, we just can't be close friends. I don't know how else to put it. Know what I mean?" Does he want nothing to do with me? But then why did we hangout?

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't know. I honestly just cannot interpret people who are not direct.

[Asker]

Let me ask you this: Why would you tell a girl you can never be close friends/that you have enough close friends? Does it mean you want nothing to do with the person, or that you see them as more than a friend?

[Jamie05rhs]

If it was me personally, it would probably mean that I want them as more that a friend.

But this guy you're dealing with is different. I just really don't know what to say about him.

[Asker]

He drinks too much, which complicates things in multiple ways. He told me he doesn't remember much from this night. His drinking is the reason I've always pulled back and hid my feelings. I know we can't get involved. It just sucks, and we just do the same song and dance.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yeah; alcohol is definitely problematic.
If that's the case, I would recommend just moving on. Don't associate with him anymore.

[Asker]

And just when you think it couldn't get more complicated, it can lol. His brother married my sister, and our families are close. This is how we hung out last weekend, we were all at the lake together. We wind up together with family and then he gets flirty. Usually I get uncomfortable and try to ignore it, but sometimes it feels nice to say screw it and let it happen.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oh, my goodness.

[Jamie05rhs]

Well, THAT actually explains a lot. That's why he doesn't want to get serious too quickly. Because he doesn't want to damage his relationship with his brother, in case anything goes awry.

[Asker]

So it's just a whole lot of complicated crap. Lol. So he probably did mean we can't ever be close friends because he likes me? The whole sibling thing definitely complicates it. Guess I just wish we could have an honest conversation about it. Like, both admit there's feelings but it can't happen so what do we do from there kinda thing.

[Sandeeppingping]

If I may ask, what do you know about his previous relationships? And yea the way I see it (for now, depending on the answer to my question this might change) I think the both of you like each other but both of you are afraid of openly admitting it

[Asker]

@Sandeeppingping I don't know a whole lot. I know he'll talk to someone for a while and that's about it. We've never met anyone he talks to. He never talks to me about them, I only know through family.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Asker Does he have sex with them?

[Asker]

I really don't know, lol. He doesn't talk about them

[Jamie05rhs]

Ask his brother. Lol

[Jamie05rhs]

Get the scoop. 😏

[Asker]

What does this have to do with my question? Lol.

[Sandeeppingping]

@Asker The reason I'm asking is so you'd know what type of guy he is, you don't want an egomaniac who tries his best to act confident and get attention to treat you as if like he loves you when he actually doesn't, you want to make sure that he's the type of guy who won't hurt you in the long run and actually care about you, not just getting annoyed for his ego, that's why I'm asking

[Asker]

@Sandeeppingping I totally get what you mean. My last relationship was with someone like that. The hardest part about this entire situation is knowing I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual and there's nothing we can do. We don't even admit to each other. He drinks too much and I can't put myself in a relationship with someone in addiction. I care about him and hope he can sober up some day, but that's his choice. It's also hard because like you said, even if we tried it if something ever went wrong it would affect the whole family. It's also hard when the family doesn't even allow me to like him and I get yelled at when I hangout with him.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yeah; you're right, unfortunately. The alcohol is a problem. At the end of the day, that's going to be a sticking point no matter what.

[Asker]

I just don't get why he acts like this. I gave him the option to not be friends and just be civil. He didn't want that. Now he continues to be flirty and then says he has enough friends and we'll never be close friends. I don't know what more he wants from me. If you want nothing to do with me then say it. I'm really one of those people where it would hurt like hell but I'll leave if that's what you want. I don't know what to do with this anymore.

[Jamie05rhs]

You need to detach yourself from the situation. He's an alcoholic. Don't let him draw you into his drama.

[Asker]

I actually asked him about this and said it kinda hurt my feelings. I also reminded him we've already discussed this and I said we didn't have to be friends if he didn't want. He said he didn't mean to come off that way, he just didn't want to have that discussion right then. He also said he likes how things are between us. I said I do too I just think it'll always be a little complicated. He said he knows what I mean. We texted for a couple of hours and then he said “well, it's bed time for me…. working sucks.” Then we both said goodnight. I don't know what to make of this situation. 🤷

[Jamie05rhs]

Okay

[Asker]

@Sandeeppingping I actually asked him about this and said it kinda hurt my feelings. I also reminded him we've already discussed this and I said we didn't have to be friends if he didn't want. He said he didn't mean to come off that way, he just didn't want to have that discussion right then. He also said he likes how things are between us. I said I do too I just think it'll always be a little complicated. He said he knows what I mean. We texted for a couple of hours and then he said “well, it's bed time for me…. working sucks.” Then we both said goodnight. I don't know what to make of this situation.