I have a male friend that I've been friends with for 16 years. We've always been fairly close and helped each other through a lot. Recently we started texting more. Everything has been really good, and we even hung out over Christmas. He said he had a lot of fun and told me to come visit him and text him whenever. He also said he wanted to continue frequently chatting. We did have a conversation about the last time I stayed with him and how he crossed some boundaries. It went well, but he started texting a bit odd. He said he was embarrassed and ashamed, and that he lost touch with himself a long time ago and it's hard to share what he has with people. I said I forgave him and we should move forward and get to know each other for who we are now, and he agreed.
Right after this he texted me saying it's hard for him to say, but he can't work on our friendship right now and that the foundation has just been lost in time and it's no one's fault. He said rekindling our friendship isn't a priority for him right now. He said all of this and then asked that I just think about it all. I'm blindsided, confused, and very sad. Why would he do/say all this when everything was fine? I can't make any sense of it and I'm crushed. Any input would be very much appreciated.
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Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” God is not out to hurt your pride he is out to kill your pride.
That is Is His Problem. Typical Men, Some, hun. Move On. You Know NOW>xxoo
Because they clearly wasn't fine from his point for some reason
Everything was fine, that's what doesn't make sense. I don't understand why he even got together with me at Christmas if this is how he was feeling. We didn't fight, argue, nothing. He wanted to keep frequently chatting, wanted me to visit him, etc. I don't get it and it really hurts.
Again clearly things where not fine from his point of view he simply didn't inform u how he was feeling or what was wrong
We've been friends 16 years. This isn't like him at all and I'm at a loss. I don't want him out of my life. My heart hurts.
I understand u have had a long friendship but its not your choice if he is going to be out of your life or not
I understand that, but I can't make sense of where it's coming from. He says it doesn't really have to do with our conversation, but it was the very next day. And I don't know what he's wanting me to think about. I'm just very sad and confused. He means a lot to me.
Have u tried speaking to him and asking
Yeah. I told him I didn't want him out of my life and that I don't understand where this is coming from. I said I think if we talked it out and both discussed our boundaries it would help. That's when he said to think about what he said and that he doesn't need me to bargain to change. He said I need a friend/confidant and he doesn't have it in him to be that.
So he had a issue with the relationship u guys had did he like u as more then a friend or does he think u feel that way and he dont like you like that?
I have no idea. The boundaries he crossed was smacking my butt, making a few suggestive comments, and getting too touchy with my legs. At the time he got defensive and said we're just friends and didn't acknowledge what happened. Now, we talked it out and he said he went through a phase of not caring about other people's feelings or boundaries. He said he was embarrassed and ashamed, called himself a pig, and then this happened.
Then he is most likely attracted to you and has crossed a boundary he had and feels he can't be friends and he can't control himself to not fuck it up
Why wouldn't he just tell me that? He told me he wasn't just looking for a good time, and he doesn't know why he did those things. He called himself a pig, too. He said not wanting to rekindle a friendship didn't really have to do with that conversation, but it happened immediately after.
He pretty much did tho if I can come to that conclusion
I don't understand. Why wouldn't he just talk to me about it? Why would he push me away instead?
What is their to talk yo you about the issue is his and internal
Why push me away and throw away 16 years of friendship instead of telling me what's really going on? It doesn't make sense. And why get together for dinner and say all the positive things? There was never an indication that something was wrong.
No their was never a indercatiin for u because the issue lasted inside his head
Can you elaborate please? Your insight is very appreciated, and I just want to understand your take on this.
He had the issue it was in his mind him talking to you about it wouldn't have helped as u couldn't change the issues sounds like he liked u or was lusting for u in a way that was more then friendship and he couldn't handle being friends with u
But why wouldn't he just tell me if he liked me more than a friend? Why shut me out? This hurts way more than an awkward conversation would've. And to be honest, lately I wasn't sure of my own feelings. But I valued the friendship too much to bring it up.
But thats why I said it could have been as simple as him lusting for u not necessarily feelings plus if it was feelings and he had no clue their is a chance he was too scared to bring it up and get rejected
He reached out today. He said he really did enjoy hanging out and was looking to strengthen the friendship. I asked if there's any friendship left and he said maybe. He also said he doesn't know if can give me the effort I deserve from a friend. He doesn't want to shut me out, but he can't be the dependable friend I deserve. I don't get why he keeps saying that.
I'm not sure
Do you think it still has to do with what you said above?
I do believe so but it is a guess
How confident are you? Or what makes you think that's the case, especially with the newest details?
The newest detail didn't add anything new or important just more of what he had already said him acting sexual towards u and not really giving u a good explanation apart from saying he was a bad friend is what makes me think this
I just mean he keeps saying things like he doesn't think he can put in the effort to be the friend I deserve, but he also doesn't want to shut me out. I don't understand why he thinks that.
Neither do I
What should I do? I don't want him out of my life.
U can't do anything as everything is on his terms