Why did this guy ghost me? Couldn’t he at least respond?

[Anonymous]

So the last year guy 1 was asking me out but I met guy 2, who I really liked so I turned down guy 1 multiple times telling him I was really into someone else. Me and guy 2 were on and off a little for career reasons and guy 1 would ask me out randomly and I met him once but told him we shouldn’t again because I was too hung up over guy 2.

So like half a year passed and me and guy 2 have been on and off because he’s possibly moving because of his career so we decided to not see each other until he figures out his life. This same day we broke it off, guy 1 asked me out again so I said yes. However, they were mutual friends on social media so I wanted to check they weren’t friends. I asked guy 1 and he said he always liked guy 2 and went to school together years ago but haven’t spoken recently and asked why I brought him up. I told him he was the guy I’ve been seeing and told him about before and he really hurt me and kinda broke my heart and we aren’t on good terms (at the time we weren’t). He said sorry, that’s a shame since he always liked him. Then he stopped responding. I tried messaging him to follow up on our date since he asked me out and was all over me before I brought up the other guy. It has been a week and he ghosted me. I messaged him and said I understand if he doesn’t want to see me after knowing that about his old friend, I told him me and guy 2 are cool now and there’s no bad blood. I wouldn’t talk crap about him. But he didn’t respond to that either. I’m just confused?

[Vegasrunner]

Seems pretty simple, Based on your story I have a ton of respect for guy 2. You've basically told him he's a backup option to his friend. I personally would ghost you as well because you're being disrespectful. Sounds like what you're doing is using guy 2 to get over guy 1 and you only told him who he was afterward because you knew it would be difficult to keep him around if he knew you were seeing an acquaintance of his. My guess is once you told him he spoke w/ the friend who probably didn't have positive things to say about you. So guy 2 figures there's no reason to waste his time on a girl playing all these games. It's probably best that you both move on to someone else.

[Asker]

You mixed up the guys.. guy 1 is the guy who ghosted me, guy 2 is my ex. But no, I don’t use people. I was very honest with him the entire time. I said I have ties with someone else so I can’t see him. He came back around when I became single and I asked him if he was friends with this guy because I didn’t want involvement with my ex and he ghosted me. I wasn’t using anyone as backup at all or creating any drama.

[Asker]

I was never disrespectful. I never used the guy. I was always honest with him to not waste his time. When I told him my heart was with someone else it was honest. When I told him I saw this guy and we aren’t anymore, I was being honest. Dont see how I was disrespectful at all.

[Asker]

And guy 2 would not have bad things to say about me given he was the person who hurt me and wasn’t good to me. I did nothing besides want something more with someone who didn’t want me the same.

[Vegasrunner]

Got it just reverse the guys for the response. Are you saying that you told guy 1 that you were dating an acquaintance and he was still asking you out multiple times even after knowing this?

[Vegasrunner]

I'm not sure if I agree because something doesn't add up. You're saying that you told guy 1 that your heart was w/ someone else, but yet you met up w/ him and coincidentally the day you broke up w/ guy 2 guy 1 just happens to ask you out and then you accept. If you were in an "off and on" relationship how would he now after 1 day that you guys wouldn't be back on again in a day or two? Sounds like you were keeping him around as a male orbiter w/ is disrespectful in my opinion.

[Vegasrunner]

You can't really know what guy 2 said about you, guys speak about girls differently when they are speaking w/ other guys and it only stands to reason if he broke it off w/ you guy 1 is going to ask him "why" That response is never something positive. We all have a tendency to want to view ourselves in only a positive light but I would be willing to bet based on the history of male interaction that whatever was said between those two about you was not positive. That's probably one of the main reasons he ghosted you.

[Asker]

Sorry maybe it’s confusing. I met guy 2 and fell for him hardcore. Guy 1 (the guy who ghosted me) asked me out the same time I was seeing guy 2. I told him my heart is with someone else. He said ok. But he would orbit and every so often ask if I was still seeing him and would ask me out. Guy 2 and I split back in spring because he was moving away so I thought sure, I’ll go out with guy 1. When we were on our date I was incredibly sad and missing guy 2, so I told him we couldn’t go further because I still had strong feelings for someone else and it isn’t fair to him. Now, he came back this fall and asked me out again. But during this time I got back with guy 2 since he moved back but he may be moving again so we had to end it because I was really hurt by the on and off. When we ended it guy 1 asked me out that same night. Coincidence I guess? But I said sure because I really felt ready to move on now... it’s been a long time. And so this is when I told him who guy 2 was and that’s when he ghosted me.

[Asker]

Maybe he thinks we’ll get back together and he doesn’t want to be involved. But I wish he’d let me know. I’ve been very transparent to him this whole. I’ve not lied to him or given him false hope or strung him along. I’ve always told him my feelings have been with another man.

[Asker]

But maybe they talked... he said they didn’t talk for 9 years. But maybe he reached out? Maybe my ex said something bad about me, the only thing I can think of is that I wanted too much from him.. I really loved that guy, I didn’t treat him poorly.

[Vegasrunner]

Thank you for clarifying, I understand. Your asking "Why is he ghosting me" I think my original answer still stands. in my opinion what you're doing is making the mistake of believing that because "you feel good" about your actions "he feels good" about them. I don't believe you are doing anything intentionally malicious, but I can see how from his standpoint, you're just continuing to turn the knife into his chest.
1) He ask you out, you reject him
2) He orbits, you go out with him, once it's convient for you only to then tell him on a date, which is probably one of the highlights of his life to this point, that you have strong feelings for someone else.
3) Finally when he thinks you're unatched he finds out that the guy you had these feelings was someone that he knows.
If he wants to have some self respect for himself, he has no choice but to ghost you. I wouldn't be suprised if he contacts you soon, because he's probably trying to fight the urge of contacting a girl he views as toxic. I personally don't believe you are at fault, the guy made several mistakes putting him in this position and now has to deal with it the best way he knows how.

[Asker]

Thank you for your well thought out response (‘: you’re totally right, I can see that and I was viewing it from my standpoint more than his and his feelings. He was really interested in me. His feelings were involved. It makes sense that he would drop it all off.

[Spookydood]

Could he respond? Sure, but that's not the least he could do. He could do nothing, which kinda seems like what he's chosen. Reads to me like you had a window of time there to go out with him, and that's passed now.

[Asker]

Yeah I’ve accepted nothing is going to happen but I guess I just don’t see why people don’t communicate. I never did anything wrong to him. And he still follows me on social media and watches my stories. It’s all just dumb in my opinion

[Spookydood]

Sometimes not saying anything is the nicest thing you're capable of doing with a person.

[Asker]

I don't know I wished him well and said I understand if he didn’t want to get involved, I said he’s always been sweet to me and wish him the best. I do mean it but found it really odd he didn’t say anything back. Not in a way I want him to respond but in a way that’s curious as to why he didn’t/if there’s something more going on with my ex and him talking

[itsmicaelaxo]

Why do you bother if you're hung up on guy 2? As someone else said, he removed himself from the equation because he doesn't want any unnecessary drama from a love triangle. It makes it worse that he knows the other guy. If you barely know each other, he doesn't owe you an explanation. He probably kept asking you out when you said there was someone else because 1. People like what they can't have or 2. He thought it was a lie and there was no other guy. So as I mentioned before, if you're not really into him, why do you care? Because you seek validation? You like the attention? It's nice having him on the side since you were "heartbroken" by guy 2?

[Asker]

No as I said me and guy 2 called it the quits officially. So I’m trying to move on

[Anonymous]

The guy probably felt like:

1. You've rejected him so many times, only to now find out it's because you were head over heels for some guy he knows.
2. When you said, "He really hurt me. He broke my heart.", he probably took that to mean you're not over the other guy. Doesn't sound like it based on that, and he doesn't want to be your rebound.

As for why he ghosted rather than respond, I don't like ghosting, but I also get why he feels the need to stop talking to you. He probably just wants to move on with his life. He has already wasted so much time waiting for you.

[Bestgee]

I'm pretty sure what guy 1 felt for you was real... But it seems you thought he was faking his true self just to get at you.. now she has find out that the other guy you were talking about was his friend..
He's now backing up to avoid issue in your love triangle

[Asker]

But why not tell me?

[Asker]

Why don’t people communicate...

[Bestgee]

You said he asked you out..
Tell me the truth did you really liked him? No you didn't.
I'm sure he was ya plan b but now he's no longer available. It's ya fault

[Asker]

I was in love with guy 2 so yeah I wasn’t going to see anyone else when I was in love with someone else

[dreammy]

I think it's because they both aren't really friends or they're like enemies, so he literally backed off and ghosted you

[Asker]

No I asked guy2 and he said the same, they used to really like each other

[dreammy]

or they don't want to see themselves in love triangle

[Asker]

Maybe

[dreammy]

sure

[Anonymous]

I'm confused to. After as many rejections he took from you I don't get why you think he owes you anything. I mean I wouldn't have done it. But I understand.

[Asker]

I’m not saying he does but he reached out again and this time I told him again what was up and that it actually ended. Literally all other times I was seeing someone else. I don’t see how this is on me.

[Opinion Owner]

Of course not. And that's precisely why you don't get it. AGAIN I wouldn't have done it. But it pretty clear to me.

[Asker]

Wouldn’t have done what?

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn't have done what he did " (ghost you whatever you want to call it.) But I understand it

[Asker]

Ah ok got it. I mean I can see why now too but it was just a 360 from how sweet he always was

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah. Now you've finally agreed to see him though he has to make himself scarce. It's either for payback or it's to get you out of the power position. It's unfortunate these games have to be played but they are necessary.

[Asker]

Well I blocked his number. I don’t want to occupy myself with this anymore. I was hurt by guy 2 and I’m not looking for more crap

[MJtheCoach]

At least you feel like what’s being a guy is for 10 minutes.


Your story sounds confusing first I have to be honest you’re not very attractive right?

[Asker]

No I am, I don’t know why you would think that?

[MJtheCoach]

Based on your story it sounds like you’re probably not attractive girl.

[Asker]

This is the dumbest answer I’ve heard on here yet

[MJtheCoach]

Yeah if you don’t understand simple sentence the other person is the moron thanks for that info Elon musk

[Asker]

No but basing this off of attractiveness is so superficial

[MJtheCoach]

That’s just something ugly people say

[Iron_Man]

Yes he shouldn’t do that

[Asker]

Right? Like why not at least say why lol

[Iron_Man]

That’s for sure

[Anonymous]

What goes around comes around

[Asker]

? I never sent any of this out or was mean or ghosted anyone