Tips for stopping beating yourself up over a cold approach?

[Anonymous]

Saw a really good looking girl at a pool bar party, so approached her to say she's looks like a certain actress and is very good looking.

Left and came back a second time to get her opinion on a question, find out her name, etc.. we talked for a bit and I left again saying "see you around", hoping she would stay there.

Come back in about 20 minutes and she's gone from the bar. Nowhere to be seen. This is like an hour after the pool party opened..

Now I'm beating myself up over the fact that I didn't ask for her contact details the 2nd time, but hoped I'd see her the third and ask her then.

Any tips you girls or guys have for not beating yourself up over a missed opportunity? I had missed chances before but this is as bad as it gets for me, feeling like such an idiot in not asking for contact details after I felt we bonded after talking the 2nd time.

[quaranta]

There isn't a single approach that works for all the situations. In this case, the circumstance implied a faster approach. A pool party is a place where, very likely, girls get approached by multiple guys, and girls know it before going (do you think they go to a pool party just because they love to swim or to tan? No, they consider being approached). So your competition there is high and you must go for a faster approach, knowing that the girl already expects several guys will try to talk with her. So, talking a bit more and exchanging contacts is not inappropriate, in such context.
Also I would suggest to try saying something more original than just "you look good" because this is what they receive already all the time. If a girl catches your interest for something more specific, she will think your interest is also not "that" shallow and that you might be different than the others.
Consider anyway that the context you chosen, to flirt, is very competitive and superficial, very similar to dating apps and can easily make you feel like a failure. You can still find girls in other contexts with much slower approaches such as through friends of friends who you casually meet, friends of coworkers, at the gym, at courses, customers if you work with the public, online contacts that don't come through dating apps (on Instagram etc, with mutual friends), at the park, and whatnot. Afterall, attractive girls do also regular activities in their life, don't just stay in pool parties all the time.
Anyway, next time, just keep in mind they expect to be approached (and they are), so asking her contacts after keeping the conversation for longer, won't be inappropriate there.

[Asker]

Yeah my openers vary but I felt like saying what I felt so told her, it was more descriptive than just saying "you look good", but yeah def. shoulda worked faster ty!

[Asker]

The question was how to stop beating myself up over the mistakes I already analyzed haha

[quaranta]

Then just, be more confident the next time it will work better once you figured out the type of context you're in, that matters more than the type of girl you're talking with. The next time will be better for sure because after this mistake you learnt something.
Also, be confident that time heals, always. Now it looks impossible but you will see in 2 weeks it will be already much better regardless from what you do during this time, and in 2 months you'll have almost forgotten about her completely, most likely. Let the time make its course, trusting that it will heal you.

[Asker]

True, thank you!

[SkyeSymes]

You'll get plenty of opportunities in life to find someone you bond with! This isn't the end, Just got to think if she was as into as you were to her then she would have likely waited around or asked you for yours! It's not the end of the world and i am sure there will be many more times like this in life just gotta move on and get on with life no point sitting around feeling sorry about the situation learn from you're mistakes, Then mistakes don't happen.

[Asker]

Thank you great point

[maximumpower]

Obviously should have discussed a bit longer and let her know you were interested.
Developing conversation is difficult for some. Recommend working at it with several other casual acquaintences until your skills improve. Also helps to find a gal who's willing to share some insight into what girls are receptive to and looking for in a guy.
Life is full of missed opportunities.
Next time you'll be better prepared.

[TheFlak38]

If she had the slightest interest in you she would followed you. Forget her. She enjoyed all the free attention you gave her like a thirsty orbiter and then disappeared to do some alpha fucks.

[Asker]

I wouldn't call this a beta approach but ty for the point!

[TheMajesticKing777]

Could've been worse, you couldve been a complete cringe or creep

[TheMajesticKing777]

At least your first impression was a vibing dude so if you ever run into her again she might not completely reject you

[Asker]

Yeah haven't thought of that, thank you so much man

[WhitneySnow]

Maybe you’ll get lucky and run into her on campus

[Asker]

It is a bar in downtown and I finished uni about 5 years ago but good point I can come across her somewhere else for aure

[Asker]

for sure* also ty for the point

[WhitneySnow]

Np. Good luck.

[spartan55]

Get your mission done in one visit, not three... good job slick.