Why can't men just be honest and say they want sex instead of leading a woman on and making her feel like he wants a relationship?

Question

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

Well that's a very good question. I can not say for certain, but I do know that when people first meet and you start dating sex is a big part of a guy building an emotional and physical connection with a women. As the relationship evolves to a long term commitment more of the focus starts to change. You start questioning yourself. In week one or 18 everything seemed great as it was, but now as things start to evolve you start seriously asking yourself serious question, "is this women really the one?" Now that you know more things about this purse, you have ask yourself "how important are those things." Because she does check off a lot of the blocks, and then there some blocks she does not, and then there some things you wish could be better.

For example I been dating this women for 8 months. When we first met she said she had one dog. Later on I found out there are 4 doges in her house hold plus 5 cats, 4 rabbits and a snake. She has two daughters and a roommate so she says only one of the dogs is hers, because other three belong to her roommate and daughters. But all the cats and rabbits and snake are not hers they belong to her daughters. So I had to ask her "when your daughter moves out is she going to tak her dog and 5 cats with her?" She says probably not, "so I said to her is its miss leading to say you only own one dog then." She said that "eventually it always comes down to her pets with guys, but there is no way she will ever give up her pets."

So as we move forward that's an issue to me. I mean I am don't want 10 pets, and definitely no snakes or rabbits. I own my condo out right, and she rents an house with a roommate she hates, but can't afford on her own. But she is never going to move in with me with her two daughters (16 & 17) and 10 pets. I a one pet type of person, and to make it worst she owns all pure breed Huskies. So as some point this a major concern for me. But we have only discussed moving together after her daughters are 18 so that means we got 2 years to work it out... but its a major issue to me.

So as we first started out in the relationship sex was important to me and without it I don't think we would made it 8 months, but now its not just about the sex is it? But long term I am beginning to question if this is good thing for me, but if I break up with her at this point she will think it was only about the sex. I am not breaking up with her, is actually pretty amazing but this pet thing is a big deal to me.

So just the other day a women I think was hitting on me and it didn't do anything about it. Because I am in a committed relationship and I love my girl friend, but this pet thing was on my mind. I can't say I didn't think about it.

So to me when women and guys break up and the women says all the guy wanted was sex its disingenuous. Because sex is just one component to the relationship, so for me when a women says all he wanted was the sex... well that's her not taking any responsibility for why the relationship failed. I mean she make choices as well and has some level of responsibility for her choices and actions.

So I reject that it is always just about the sex, for some guys it is I am not denying that, but the women has responsibility as well and has to "she has to take responsibility for her failures, in order to own her successes."

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Well I think you are beautiful and you are smart because first of all girls need to become smart like you and not be gullible and hear what they want to hear what the guy is actually doing when he does that is he's trying to tell you that he's a piece of crap and not to date him the girls take it the wrong way they look at it as if he's serious they give in and he walks away and the girl feels like crap because she didn't listen to his words 95% of all guys are selfish 95% of guys are liars cheaters they will tell you the truth in the same breath that they're lying to you if you pay attention to their words and their eyes so I love your question because that's the way it should be that's the way it is or that's the way it should be but it needs to be that way with the girl too the girl needs to say Hey listen here f****** I know what you're saying I know what you're trying to do if you want to f*** just tell me but don't leave me f****** on don't make me try to feel something that you want me to feel or think I feel just so you can get what you want and then walk away it's just like when you get me in bed with all this big cock you last 2 minutes and leave me laying there thinking WTF just happen you're kidding me are you finished already LOL girls need to start reading guys the real way as if everything out of their mouth is a lie or manipulation and it really sucks that you have to do it that way because there are genuine real guys out there that will be totally honest with you and be your friend all at the same time not sneaky and try to get something that they don't deserve but I absolutely love your question because in so many different ways it's an eye opener for so many people

PinkCloud7 · Accepted Answer

Dear god, kinda appalled by the comments from the esteemed gentlemen here.

Different girls want different things, a woman might want different things in different stages of her life or different days. Being open about what you want doesn't limit the number of people you can sleep with in general, it does limit the number of women being lied to and it does open you up for rejection from those who are not interested in what you have to offer. I guess that's too scary, totally unacceptable... its much better to lie, yeah..👌😘

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

A man approaches and asks a woman, “hey listen, I don’t want to waste your time nor mine. Do you wanna have sex with me? 🤣 “ SLAPS  Two scenarios: She’ll be turned on with his direct and bold approach and says yes!  
 or She’ll be so mad and might even call the cops. That is why some men don’t tell women their intention on the get go. Some women need more time to get comfortable with the man before thinking of even going to bed with him…

blissinanarchy1 · Answer

Many men lack the tact necessary to be upfront about wanting sex without strings attached. My biggest thing is, if it’s on tinder (Which some girls use actually for dating) get them to snapchat or a phone number quick. Texts can be read in any kind of voice or persona, and it is VERY easy to come off creepy. Sending actual voice messages that prioritize the girl’s comfort and using manners works. I don’t say “Would you like to have sex?” I typically say “Are you looking for a relationship or something casual, are you open to do things without committment?” I got a decently high rate of success.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because of different reasons:

1. A guy doesn´t know if he wants just sex or more. It can happen hence for guys the physical love is equally if not sometimes more important than the emotional love. So if he doesn´t know if he wants more he takes what he gets.

2. Because the truth would make him look bad because in many cases a guy has some interest in her he just can´t figur out if he likes or loves her. Telling her truth would therefore mean in most if not many cases a rejection right away and if you want to buy time to figur out your feelings you take what you can get. Plus many especially young guys simply don´t have the guts to do so.

3. Because the guy has lost interest in her why so ever after having sex or met some one else he fell for. I´m a guy that doesn´t mean that I understand all guys though because not all of us are equally reasonable.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Because they're little shits who really think their ability to get sex is more important than anything else.

The blue comments really show which gender endorses dishonesty as a routine dating tactic.

Men really hurt their future selves and then blame women for 'not giving them a chance' later.

McKellar · Answer

Sex is always great to have and very much desirable, but not every man just wants sex from a woman and that's it. There are men out there who do desire both sex and a committed, romantic relationship as well. Not just sex and sex alone and that's it. If you keep on meeting men who only want sex and that's it,... then all you are meeting is a bunch of guys who are nothing more than players who do not want a dedicated, romantic relationship. Just a fling and that's it. If you just have sex with these male players and keep connections with them,... then you would be nothing more than just a f*ck friend.

HighValue · Answer

I am only interested in a relationship. That means all of the promiscuous women with a bad past are disqualified. That means MOST women are automatically disqualified. Why do women get upset that their life choices made them undesirable for a good man to want a LTR with them?

fonduegirl · Answer

It's funny how men are giving excuses for lying as "you wouldn't fuck us if we don't tell you we love you even though in reality we don't". Like seriously? Prostitutes are available, yk? You don't need to break a poor girl's heart because she's "hot". Stop making excuses.

As for your case, if possible, steal his semen and force him into fatherhood. Some child support will knock a few braincells into him! Here's to hope.

Sandeeppingping · Answer

There's something called manipulating people in order to get what you want, I don't advocate this, but if some dude told you hey let's have sex you'll rejected instantly, so the dudes that only want sex got smarter and realized they must lie to get what they want, so that's what they do, capiche?

Stevepro68 · Answer

Even the men who want a relationship want sex so that is kind of not a mystery or a question. Why do men only want sex is a misnomer. Aggressive egotistical alpha males that approach you. That many women find attractive qualities are hopelessly self involved and that's what you get.

AviatorTom · Answer

Most guys are taught that women don't want to be treated as sex objects, so when a guy finds a woman attractive, and wants to have sex with her, he hesitates saying "I want your body" and feels it's better to lead her on... just a bit... thinking that's what she wants to hear.

hyperben · Answer

its a dance, men chase women they have no interest in marrying in the same way dogs chase cars they have no interest in driving. Openly asking for a sexual encounter is pretty unlikely to work outside of Tinder so we have to make an appearance at offering something attractive to the girl in order to get what we want. The minute the sex is over, the dynamic has changed, the hunt is over.

it could be a much simpler transaction for sure but we (humans) are quite a simple species.

MikeInHawaii · Answer

It’s probably an aversion to being slapped and not getting the sex.

I had a woman ask me that once. I recall the conversation well:

“Why do men play games. If they want sex, why don’t they just ask for sex?”

“Jamie, do you want to have sex?”

“No…. See, what was so difficult about that?”

“I didn’t like that part where you said ‘no.’”

Fireguy17 · Answer

Because then he might not get laid.
I just don't like lying to someone to get what I want.
I was lucky, in the 70s and early 80s it was pretty much a given that you would end up together.
No strings, just sex.
Many time if you really liked the girl, you would ask if they wanted to see you again, many said yes, some said no.
They were just using me for sex as well.

ElementoP · Answer

Because then a man would never get sex, obviously.
I had a girl reject me because she assumed I just wanted sex. She was right, but I didn't even say anything to make her think that and I still got turned down because of it.
But just because we want sex initially doesn't mean it can't turn into something else shortly after

JSmuve · Answer

Because women generally can't handle the honesty. I once told a girl I was interested in that I only wanted a friends with benefits because I wasn't going to be around long enough for a relationship to make sense. Her response was "fuck you". That's what I got for my honesty. I then realized why guys lie. Some women would rather be lied to than hear an uncomfortable truth.

Anonymous · Answer

Because almost everyone one of us is probably just looking for sex especially when we’re younger. If girls would say yes to that fuck I’d die from too much sex in one day w the amount of girls I see in a day that I would plow. Would you want anything to do w men if that’s all they said to you on a daily basis? Probably not. So we play the game. That I’m interested in listening to you cry about your day. Your sick cat. Your mean boss. Etc, etc.

Jay3344 · Answer

That’s a good one, I think it’s because many men and people in general like being in a relationship. It’s secure and traditional. To just say you want sex can be a turnoff especially if the other person is not into such open talk or the timing isn’t right. Like you can’t just be out on a date or whatever and say “hey I don’t want to make this a thing, I just want to smash…u?”

bamesjond0069 · Answer

1. Either they lie because they assume (mostly correctly) you won't have sex otherwise.

2. This is the main reason... they dont know what they want and are open to all possibilities. Once you have sex, now they know you're easy, and now they lose interest in a relationship. This is why the age old advice was for women to close their legs. The second they open men lose all reason to commit.

soukainaa · Answer

Well it's too obvious, imagine like a guy pop up in the park "hey i want sex" ofc ull find it weird so that's why he will lead you to be in a relationship and to be honest we women we think with our hearts and get emotional for a simple tiny attention we can stay we have a guilt in this situation that's why we have to casually ask them about that so we can save time then wasting it having fast feelings for a guy who wants to hook up

Zeus_66 · Answer

Why can't women just do the same, as well as be honest that they want physical possessions bought for them as well?  We can play this game all day long...

Wade12345 · Answer

I'm going to say thish to you once and for all time: MEN WANT SEX. THEY DONT' GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS. PERIOD.

Truthatanycost · Answer

Probably the same reason why women say size doesn't matter, or that they don't like the bad boys and just want a nice guy...

DoctorSex · Answer

Women do a similar thing by friendzoning guys they have no intention of going further with.  Kind regards, DoctorSex

dustybiker · Answer

It can be true. To flip. Why do some woman not ask?

20yearsolder · Answer

I think some of them enjoy the game, It's a challenge. Also they've probably tried that strategy and been shot down too many times

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I'd MUCH rather have a relationship but that ain't getting me anywhere!! Most of the girls I've been interested in were more interested in fucking a new guy every couple days!

dragoblack · Answer

Because in the romance and hookup society people find it lazy if the guy is upfront and honest. Very few women actually want honest and straight to the point. "Playing the game" of hints, body language, and tactics is the usual route.

Putriz · Answer

Because if they say “hey wanna fuck” most will just not accept them straight off.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Unfortunately, being honest and straight forward with women doesn't yield results. If it did; many of us vastly prefer to be straight forward.

EarthRealm · Answer

Would you Date us dudes if We just told you we’re only dating you just because we see you as Our Fuck toy?

Anonymous · Answer

Honestly? Because that won't get them what they want. Guys will say whatever maximises their chance of getting what they want. That usually means lying.

Angel_123 · Answer

because their mama raised a boy not a man and they’re wimps😂😂😂😂pussi

jhl_x · Answer

Because this doesn't work, specially with men with below-average looks.

boggboss · Answer

Because he knew she wouldn't just have sex if he said that

Intothevoid666 · Answer

Because otherwise then when we’d go to find a serious relationship eventually and we’d have fucked no one meanwhile our future wife would have fucked 10 guys.

Riley1 · Answer

Good question! Being upfront is exciting too! "Nice Tits" may not always get you there, but when it does it's where you Both want to be.

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Why can't women just be honest and admit they want an alimony check instead of leafing men on for years and then taking away his income his house and probably his children to.

TheFlak38 · Answer

If we dont make you live your love story you won't give us sex. That simple. Manipulation is a two way street. Men can do it and that's a good thing.

Slartybartfast · Answer

Men have been saying this for generations..

exitseven · Answer

if they are honest about it they will never get anywhere.

Anonymous · Answer

Users, aren't they? just like women, who use men for free meals and money. Its your job to screen them out. Nobody is going to do the screening for you.

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

Wow... Because every single women is like "Ughh guys just want sex, I just want a boyfriend" and so guys never say it

maximumpower · Answer

Why can't women just be honest and say they want sex instead of leading a man on and making him feel like she wants a relationship? The street goes both ways.

Exterminatore · Answer

Because it’s much more fun to not only get laid but leave a trail of broken hearts.

Shelton2135 · Answer

l9/10 guys are not looking for long term relationship
expect that he is going out with you just to get it in and see if he wants to continue going out depending on the quality of the sex and the difficulty of getting your consent

jasco · Answer

Because most the women that men want don't want just sex, they want a relationship and thats usually not what the men that lead people on want

Luopio27 · Answer

Some women do that too. Those used to be my friends. Wish I was used like that. Better that than lifetime of rejection.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because then they wouldn't get sex. The same concept applies to salespeople: why can't THEY be honest?

Blueeyes81 · Answer

It's a shitty thing for men to do. As to why, to get laid. If they were up front about it they'd get laid a lot less.

icetome · Answer

alright bxxxx suck my dick we good?

Anonymous · Answer

They lie because you wouldn’t say yes if they asked you straight. It’s fucked up but that’s the simple answer.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Would you feel better if they said monogamous sex?

shark58 · Answer

isn't Sex the most intense expression of a relatioship?

Ryfyle · Answer

Maybe you're really boring and a terrible lay causing them to bounce.

Anonymous · Answer

Because men are rarely honest about their intentions.

Anonymous · Answer

If it didn't work they wouldn't do it.  If being straight up worked, they'd do that instead. So what have we learned?

AlandTheGamer · Answer

as a men I don't fcking know if I was this horny I would get a hooker instead :/

dolemite89 · Answer

cuz most women will shoot you down if u say hey i just want sex and u should leave afterwards 😂

Anonymous · Answer

For the same reasonwomen can't just be honest and say they're not interested they just want attention.

BLP11520 · Answer

Selfishness, think about a conquest maybe? Men are dishonest in relationships, not all but plenty.

Anonymous · Answer

Because feminist starts doing their moral policing that's why men has to be politically correct.  Otherwise there are men who openly admits that they want sex.

Why can't men just be honest and say they want sex instead of leading a woman on and making her feel like he wants a relationship?

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Why can't men just be honest and say they want sex instead of leading a woman on and making her feel like he wants a relationship?

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