Guys, is there a reason why you would give the silent treatment to a girl by message, but chat with her normally when you see her in person?

[Anonymous]

There’s one of my friends who systematically ignores EVERY message I send him. I know he does reply to other people in the friends group however and also to group chats. He’s admittedly not the best texter and also not a very reliable person (writes to a friend he’ll come to a party and doesn’t etc) but as far as I know, I am the only person whose messages are systematically not being replied to. But he reads them I get read receipts. I find this offensive and started talking to him less and less in person because I’m getting more and more angry at him, but when we see each other’s (always through friends) he’ll usually find an occasion to come talk to me himself. So he’s not holding a grudge - and there would also not be a reason for it.

[Lockey_]

It sure also depends on what your messages actually say (are you playing the ball to him?).

From the short sentences you write, my guess would be that he does enjoy to play this game with you, it is one well known strategy for men to manipulate females to "want" them by just ignoring them.

Anyway, you also write he is not a very reliable person so my advice would be to just let go. Being around unreliable persons is generally not a good advice for good and healthy life.

[Asker]

I know but we hang out with the same group of friends and I can’t chase him away. Also he is mostly a nice guy in person. Not all of my messages need a response but it’s the sort of things other people would reply to. For example, a few weeks ago I saw him and he told me he had to receive an answer for a job the next week and he was worried about not getting it. We talked about it a bit and about his career plans etc and he seemed to enjoy being able to chat about it. So the next week I wrote a little message saying fingers crossed I hope you get it. He didn’t reply. Or I thanked him for having organized a dinner (he didn’t invite me directly, it was a friend who invited me and told him I would have been there as well) and again no reply. A few months ago I asked him if he wanted to go jogging (we both are joggers and we ahad just chatted about it and how much he likes jogging in the nature) and he didn’t reply. Etc.

[Lockey_]

There is probably no need to chase him away but make your thought about who you really want to be with. Again, i want o be clear about the fact that it is a common game for men to ignore females to make them "want them".

to your messages:
"fingers crossed I hope you get it" - it is a statement, the ball is still on your side
"I thanked him for having organized a dinner " - same as above
"I asked him if he wanted to go jogging" - he didn't want to go jogging that day

Couldn't you just text something he cannot escape and needs to answer instead?

[Asker]

I have texted him things that required an answer in the past, for example right about the time he stopped answering to messages we had agreed in person going to a restaurant we both wanted to try and I needed him to tell me the date for a reservation (he didn’t answer and we never went to the restaurant because he disappeared from the radar for a few weeks after that). I don’t think he does it to make me want him, also because I got more and more distant the more he didn’t reply.

[Lockey_]

Well it is extremely hard to say whats his exact reason without knowing him. One example (not implying that it is similar for your guy): my best friend (male) always behaved very similar (to male and female) and it turned out around when he turned about 38 or such that he really has some serious mental issues, it just got worse and worse in the last years.

Do you know if he behaves similar to his male friends?

[Asker]

No, he definitely writes a lot to them. I know because when I’m with other guys of the group they get messages from them. And also girls. It happens that I’m hanging out with other friends from that group and they’ll say “oh x just wrote this and that”. But than yes he cancels plans or doesn’t show up to dinners and parties even if he had confirmed indipendently of wether it is a guy or girl

[Asker]

As for mental issues, he definitely isn’t a normal person for many reasons but his behavior is more impolite than pathological

[Asker]

I think I’ll confront him about this next time I see him, but I would have liked to hear if anyone had a clue about this behavior. Thank you

[Lockey_]

Yup, confronting might be the best you can do. You might not get a direct answer to any question at all from him but it is definitely the best you can do. Communication was always the key :D
Best of luck!

[20yearsolder]

These questions kill me, instead of asking us why don't you just ask him? State the facts, I know that you respond to others, why don't you respond to me? Yet you will stand here and talk to me face to face so what the fucks up

[Wise4myage]

He might like playing games, or maybe he just likes to chat face to face?

[Asker]

Do you think a guy would play games with a girl who is trying to be friendly with him and whom he sees through friends? He is quite a flirty person, when we first met over a year ago he said he would have liked to go for a drink and I said I would have loved to but without counsidering it a date since we hang out with the same friends group and it would have been awkward. I than asked me a few times if he wanted to hang out but he never replied. In person he was normal to me. And than he stopped replying to my messages completely. If he was happy to chat in person he would have hanged out for a drink the times I proposed him to, instead I only see him when a friend organizes something.

[Wise4myage]

Sure, if he's immature.