Why does he jokes about touching you inappropriately?

[Anonymous]

A guy i work with joked about the two of us touching eachothers butts. He has a girlfriend, but this is not his first joke of that kind. Why does he do that?

[humanearth]

He is trying to make it seem it was nothing, but its obvious that he is really into you.

But he is trapped with his girlfriend.

This is your chance to steal him away from the other woman if you want him

[Jenny-Marie]

Could she ever trust him? I doubt it.

[humanearth]

@Jenny-Marie They would not trust each other and agreed

[Asker]

Im not interested in him, but thank you for answering.

[Anonymous]

Be he means it. He’s attracted to you whether it’s just sexually or as something long term even though he has a girlfriend. In life I’ve learned that there is some truth to jokes. So speak up if you don’t approve of it.

[Asker]

Thank you for your answar. I hope that your wrong though. I hoped that the reason is that he is just being provokative and just think it is funny to see my very awkward reaction when he puts me on the spot like that.

[laraWM]

This is really not a joke. He probably tries to show he is attracted to you.

I think you should stay away from him because it is not a good way to act

[dustybiker]

He’s been getting away with it. He’d stop if he said it around me. I call rude people out. Loudly. 😎

[Guy13]

That’s wrong if in front of people. Either way, he’s testing the waters to see whether you are open to making further waves 🌊

[Asker]

It was and therefore quite embarrasing for me..

[Asker]

What do you mean by ‘open to making further waves’?

[Guy13]

I’m sorry on behalf on men. Poor raising and both a disregard for others and reality…

[spartan55]

Who cares why? Why aren't you shutting that shit down HARD?

[Asker]

It is not as easy to do and dont know how

[Asker]

And understanding the intentions behind it can maybe help in figuring out how i should handle it

[spartan55]

Sure it is. Say: (Moron's Name) Stop making jokes like that, I don't appreciate them. I'm not interested in that with you.

[spartan55]

Simple. It's like other opinions said, he is testing the boundaries with you.

[Asker]

I dont understands his needs to do that or why he might think is funny. He is one that is always there to help me and have my back. So it conflictes a little with that when he does this, but i know he will be hurt.

[spartan55]

He will be hurt that you are calling him out on his inappropriate comments? Seriously? Fuck him.

[spartan55]

So I guess you don't mind him making moves on you when he has a girlfriend. Wonder what she would think?

[Asker]

Of course i do! But it feels like your pointing the finger at me here, and that i am to blame for his behavior? I am not responsible for how others behave nor should I be the one feeling guilty for being the target of these comments, thats only him that should be feeling guilty. I have never encouraged any of that and im the one that is put in this situation that i try to figure out.

[spartan55]

I'm not stating it is your fault whatsoever. You act like you can't set a boundary with this guy, and it's baffling. I saw you were worried about some sort of consequences from the situation? Does this guy have some sort of power or something?

[Asker]

No he doesn't, but I am sort of the new one. He is much more established in the team. Our tasks are tied together, so if it ends with us not be able to work together, it will require involvement from our managers. Im worried that it will reflect poorly on me and that i might be taken off some of my projects or asked to join another team or another outcome i havnet though about.

[spartan55]

I don't know where you are getting the idea that setting a boundary and not allowing someone to sexually harass you would reflect poorly on you?

[Asker]

If they dont know that is the reason i dont know how it will be interpreted

[spartan55]

Again, why do you think you don't have agency? They would know the reason if you made it known. But the odds of any there being any 'problem' are remote.

[Asker]

Your right. I might be over-thinking it. I think it is embarrasing, so if i were to do anything about it, i would just talk to him and hope that is enough to make it stop.

[Jenny-Marie]

He's trying to see how receptive you are to his physical attentions. I hope his girlfriend realises what a sleazeball he is, sooner rather than later.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer and i hope so to

[Anonymous]

If I had to guess, Id say he cheats on his girlfriend.

[Avicenna]

He is testing the waters and wants to do it

[Jamie05rhs]

He's a cheater. Stay far away from him.

[FilmGuy93]

Why wouldn't you just ask him?

[Asker]

I haven't asked because I dont want to make it more awkward, as he is one that i work close with every day.

[FilmGuy93]

This is one of those times when making things more awkward is the right thing to do. He's violating your personal boundaries by making you uncomfortable. The reason why doesn't matter. If you want him to stop, you're allowed to tell him to stop.

[Asker]

Your right. Im just conflicted between not wanting to hurt his feelings and that i will be disrepecting myself if i let it continue. And also concerned of potentiel consequences

[FilmGuy93]

That’s the healthy boundary; his feelings don’t matter. What consequences are you worried about?

[Asker]

That it might backfire and make it worse in another way and on how it will reflect on me, if he starts creating a distance to me. Im worried that the consequences will be greater than the cost of just trying to overhear/ignore the comments..

[FilmGuy93]

This is why companies have HR.

[Lastdoctorwho]

This is not a joke and his mind is b*tch

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Rabies