Why is my personality so fake and hollow like this bitch?

[3yr747tjfjf]

A coworker once told me i crine laugh at others when they talk to me. Now i get it. Its because im an egomaniac hollow shallow narcissistic piece of shit who thinks im better than everyone and i fakingly cringe laugh and act dumb when people talk to me. It must be some weird twisted subconscious psychological self-trick i do to maintain the illusion that im better than everyone. ;)

Updates

+1 y

A coworker once told me that i "cringe laugh"*

can't spell either apparently. What am i good for?

[Sandeeppingping]

I do that, we're all narcissistic pieces of shit

[Sandeeppingping]

Seriously though I used to do that in order to adapt, imagine someone who you need a service from or you need to maintain a godd relationship with or is your boss or whatever, and he says something snd you're like yea I know that or you talk too much I'm not interested in your conversation, I'd rather "cringe smile" and act dumb and ask questions, far safer than potentially insulting them because that's what will happen if I keep a straight face and be honest

[3yr747tjfjf]

"Used to" - congrats i aapire to that

[macjets007]

You're not a malignant narcissist though. Plus you shouldn't beat yourself up about it, and just work on the issue with friends and a therapist. You're aware and willing to admit it though!

[Throwaway3]

I have a friend who struggles connecting with people, and reminds me a bit of some of the videos I've seen of this actress. Even I get burnt out talking to her, even though I think she's a wonderful person who deserves to have more people in her life who she can feel close to.

I myself have autism, and get regularly exhausted interacting with people for even just short periods of time. Before I was medicated (for add) things were much worse, and I would be incredibly difficult to interract with. I don't think this actress is a hollow egomaniac or whatever, I think she's just awkward and has a hard time connecting with most people. (Which I have experience with!)

There's a lot of pressure (especially for women) to constantly be sociable, smiley, and polite. "Masking" is an expected part of day-to-day interactions, no matter how exhausted, uninterested, or crappy you might be feeling. There isn't a way to force yourself into being more enthusiastic about the interactions you're having. There is, however, a way to stop putting so much strain on yourself and others. In my experience, people take disinterested honesty better than clearly strained politeness. (I personally have trouble expressing tone, so people will sometimes take what I say as sarcastic unless I'm putting in the effort to "sound" more genuine. In those situations I usually just follow up with "I wasn't being sarcastic there I genuinely believe that" and its no big deal.)

Practicing politely setting boundaries is key. Expressing that you're tired, busy, or just like your alone time is kinder to you and to others. I pretty often go about it in a snarky joke way: "If anyone speaks to me at any point in the next 15 minutes I'm going to collapse and die forever" And the response I usually get is "yeah I get you." It can also make it feel more genuine when you *are* open to listening and having conversations with people, or whenever you initiate conversation. People's intuitions will pick up if you're forcing yourself to act a specific way in social interactions. You will never force yourself to love your coworkers or suddenly be more interested in what they have to say, but you can find ways to portion those interactions, and approach them in a way thats kinder to yourself.

ADDITIONALLY: Because of the difficulty I have connecting with my peers, as well as my social burnout, my closest friend is the person I know doesn't expect anything from me. I know that if I laid down and fell asleep while my best friend was talking about one of his special interests at me, he wouldn't feel at all offended, and would probably continue talking. He doesn't expect me to emote, look him in the eyes, or offer my opinion. He likes the opportunity to talk about his special interests without the guilt of forcing someone into strained conversation, and I like the ability to hear from people without any of the pressure of carrying a back and forth.

Know that there will be people out there who click with you, and sometimes you won't find those people in the places you frequent. Also that not connecting with people doesn't mean disliking them. I love hearing my classmates have conversations with each other, and I've started taking note of specific things they do that I admire. Finding genuine, honest things that you like about a person (even if you're not close, or you don't even enjoy talking to them), has helped me in interactions, because I know I want to show people I respect that I respect them.

Also: If you haven't gotten a psych e-val, try getting one! It can be life changing.

[jimmy2]

You are good for many people don't sell yourself short

[FckY0u998]

ok that is weird