My boyfriend insists on checking my phone... why?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sounds like he has trust issues and that's not a good sign. If he doesn't trust you then why is he with you?

Also if he wants this thing then he'll want another thing it'll snowball into outrageous requests and expectations where you'll wonder if you're dating someone sane.

Someone who isn't in a good place/didn't heal at all from past relationships should never get into another relationship until they figure their stuff out.

He'll be insecure and making your life harder than it needs to be because of his insecurities. You need to set boundaries if you still want to be with him. What kind of relationship is that if he has to check up on you? That's so unhealthy and not normal.

I hope you are ok and happy in this relationship. Good luck and be strong!

AshLee83 · Accepted Answer

It could just be that he’s been hurt before and it’s left a nasty scar. It may have nothing to do with you directly, unless you’re not always honest with him.

That could be nothing more than his insecurities at play. The problem is, even if you do everything as honestly and transparent as possible, he still may never trust you. I’d tell him you’ll help him work on his insecurities but if he doesn’t get them under control then let him go.

Trust always needs to be earned, but in a healthy relationship it doesn’t need constant reminding.

Moose304 · Accepted Answer

You have to ask yourself this question. What is more important? Your relationship or holding onto a principle about privacy? No sense in calling him names etc. If he wants to see the phone you have a choice to make. I might also mention if he is red pill'ed there is a great chance of two things going on you should be aware of. First, he is testing you, and last he also knows full dang well you could use a burner phone. At the end of the cold hard day, it comes down to, what do you want to do. Think long and hard because your relationship might hang in the balance! Understand I am not taking sides. That is not my job. I'm just attempting to put a light in your path so you can see whats ahead.

TwinTonyz · Accepted Answer

It's become normalized to distrust your partner because it's become normalized to seek other people. Every man is competing with every other man, and is likely to proposition you. Hell there's even an incentive for you to take them up on their offers. It's fruitless investing in someone who isn't a sure thing, and gating/monitoring conversations is one way of verifying his time isn't being wasted.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

He's insecure and it worried about other men trying to make moves on you.

Kori1236 · Answer

He doesn’t trust you. Perhaps he was cheated on previously. Or if you have history of cheating that he’s aware of he wouldn’t trust you to remain faithful. There’s all sorts of reasons he may want to check your phone you just need to have boundaries and if all is well there’s no cheating you need to help him feel secure in the relationship.

Jess_D · Answer

Could be a few things.

Do you have a history of cheating? If so, he doesn’t trust you. If this is the case I can see his point.

Has he been cheated on in the past?

If so he probably doesn’t trust anyone. If this is the case you need to set boundaries with him. Just because someone else hurt him doesn’t mean you will.

Has he cheated on the past?

Cheaters often project their behavior onto others. If this is the case I’d tell him to go fuck himself.

Anonymous · Answer

this relationship should be put to an end. he won't change and this is not how happy healthy relationships thrive. i've ever had to have my partner check my phone nor do i care to check his. in the 6 years we've been together. that's just so odd to me why he would insist on it... so yeah it's a big red flag.

admles · Answer

Honestly, in my experience, when someone insists on checking your phone, it's because THEY are the ones doing something shady, and they are projecting.

I do not believe at all in checking someone's phone unless they have already done something in the past to make them untrustworthy, and even then it's best to just break up.

holdem4884 · Answer

It might be do to something you've done, it might be related to his past, it might be part of his personality. Whatever the cause, he's insecure and he doesn't trust you AT ALL. Not good, need to address that asap!

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

Do you also check his phone too? Some people are no way not allowed, when I get serious I hand him my phone to go through and expect him to do the same.  This way it shows I have nothing to hide.

inkyvampire · Answer

Not an option. Trust is gained by giving it. That ends relationships. I wouldn’t put up with it.

lightbulb27 · Answer

doesn't trust you. either because of your behavior or his past traumatic experiences related to trust.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

Dump that piece of trash. You will be carrying his insecurities for the rest of your relationship.

inhua · Answer

things like this doesn't happen out of nowhere. maybe he suspects there's something untrustworthy about you?

Gloree · Answer

Mine too but I have my way around it. Just make sure he trusts you. these guys are always like that. don't run away because of one flaw. no one is perfect as long as he is not abusive let him know ur not doing anything bad.

Sixgunsound · Answer

He seems to think that cause exist for him to need to. Whether justify it or not, some thing has tripped an alarm.

mandyfire98 · Answer

He's insecure and he thinks you're messaging other people.

aaron210419 · Answer

Either he's extremely insecure or he's hiding something himself. Neither is a good sign, he should respect your privacy and trust that you're not talking to people you shouldn't be.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

He got deep feelings for you and really loves you deeply, but he needs to give you space.

tzdc21 · Answer

Did you give him a reason to check your phone?

spartan55 · Answer

Because he is doing shit he isn't supposed to be and is projecting it onto you.

Rapport · Answer

He probably thinks you're doing something on it that he wouldn't approve of, obviously. Like talking to other guys in a intimate way or whatever.

TheNameIsRob · Answer

Most likely it’s because he’s insecure and you shouldn’t tolerate that invasion of privacy. Or you have done things to make him suspicious in which case he’s still insecure for staying

jshm2 · Answer

He thinks he's your fucking father or husband. Tell him he's neither.

John_Doesnt · Answer

He wants to see what kind of p0rn you're into, but you won't tell him. So he has to check your phone.

DanTheMan1995Xx · Answer

Most likely the reason is he’s guilty about what’s on his phone so he’s paranoid you would do the same thing to him. Leave him. I’ve been there done that.

Lovelydove13 · Answer

Maybe he just need more reassurance from you... make sure that you'll never leave his side

Straight2thepoint · Answer

Those with nothing to hide have nothing to fear. Trust is a big deal to people. If this is a issue v just break up.

Philyouup · Answer

b cause he is a jealous little boy. timeto dump his ass.  Find a real man with confidence.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s just like when the TSA checks your bags and your ID just to verify you’re not a terrorist, you gotta make sure your partner is not a terrorist either. In a post-9/11 world, you have to check these things.

lottiebannotie · Answer

Dump him don't give a fuck why that's his issue don't let it bring you down

ZenJen444 · Answer

More airheaded post. Because he's cheating on you dummyyyyyy

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

He's insecure and doesn't trust you. This relationship isn't going to last with that kinda attitude he has.

msc545 · Answer

He doesn't trust you. Buy a cheap burner phone and hide it from him for all the stuff you don't want him to see.

peedy · Answer

he's insecure and probably thinks you're cheating on him

OddBeMe · Answer

Narcissistic personality. Probably is cheating and projecting onto you. you should check his phone.

Guardian45 · Answer

If he insists, then KICK HIS ASS TO THE CURB! NEXT!

Zolly99999 · Answer

Because he is insecure and doesn't trust you.

Male_UK · Answer

A guy only would ask this if he suspects you're doing something behind his back. Otherwise he wouldn't care.

Nominal · Answer

Because this is who he is. His attitude, his enviroment does these things, so he too.

Anonymous · Answer

His behavior is the type of behavior that cheaters have.

Blackcupcake · Answer

he sounds insecure and controlling.

Tiffanyrosebarbie · Answer

He's hoping he won't find anything

WhitneySnow · Answer

He’s jealous and sus

TroyDT2 · Answer

He doesn't trust you.

ODC2112 · Answer

He cannot trust you.

User3191989 · Answer

The same reason a woman might

EaterPeter · Answer

Don't let him treat you like @Dodo02

harrison102 · Answer

Thinks you are talking to someone else

Hardworkingguy · Answer

He's very insecure and doesn't respect you

Nandan1080p · Answer

Trust and insecurity issues... simple

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Because he thinks you're fucking around.

BLP11520 · Answer

He is insecure, doesn't trust you

misogynist123 · Answer

I think he is doubting u

rizeliman34 · Answer

Jealous can't be with hım all life

panamared1 · Answer

trust and control issues

boggboss · Answer

Don't trust u

Anonymous · Answer

That's a sure sign of immaturity.

Anonymous · Answer

Can you be trusted?

Msputiton · Answer

Insecurity

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him to go fuck himself

BJP21 · Answer

Insecure.

moonpie89 · Answer

Insecurity

My boyfriend insists on checking my phone... why?

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