Guys, why do you keep contacting a woman that you don't want?

[Anonymous]

Okay. I can't sleep because I'm troubled by this situation. About 4 weeks ago, the man I had a crush on, friendzoned me so hard. I was crushed. We have a close mutual friend so I think it is best to stay cool so there isn't any drama with our other friend. I decided to stop initiating contact with him. BUT, every day since, he contacts me. He calls, DMs, or texts. Every. Day. In addition, he asks to see me. He invited me to a play. Just him and me. He invited me to a party. Meet him at his house and go together. He invited me to breakfast. Just him and me. I said no to the party, and he called and said how I am hurting his feelings by giving him sh*t because we are "friends" and we should be able to hang out as "friends." Here is the thing, I try to be cool and not feel rejected but something happens and I come home feeling like crap because I think I am a great catch and he is too. So why doesn't he want me but wants to talk every day and go out once a week? One thing that happened on the way to the party is that he kept talking about this "hot" woman that he has to have and wants to take on a date. Really, Dude? All night, I'm feeling unattractive and wondering why didn't he take her to the party? Again, I don't initiate with him so I feel I'm not chasing but I do respond to maintain the friendship. Thoughts?

Updates

1 y

I guess I'm trying to understand why the daily attention if he doesn't want me in a romantic way? Is this normal behavior from men?

[Anonymous]

Pretend he is a girl. Would it be weird then? Best friends hang out a lot and many talk daily. He sees you as one of the guys, loves your company, and values you, but he just isn’t physically attracted enough to you to consider you for relationship purposes. He has to understand how hard this is for you and accept it if you are not ok with having this kind of friendship with him.

[Opinion Owner]

As for your update, yes, in my experience, it is normal.

[Asker]

It is hard to pretend he is one of my girls. He is the epitome of the type of man I am attracted to. I'm trying to distance myself but not doing a good job because he is there every day like a loyal puppy who wants to play!

[Opinion Owner]

Of course it is hard, and for some, insurmountably so. Many boy-girl friendships struggle to survive for this very reason. I certainly empathize completely with you and advise you to do what you need to do to resolve your inner conflict. Put yourself first. Don’t worry if he makes you feel guilty for needing space. He does not have the right to force a friendship on you and guilt trip you into it before you are ready, if ever.

[CallmeTheKnight]

The both of you need to grow up. You should've ended the communication when he rejected you. You probably got hopes of him getting serious with you, but if not, you're still wasting your time.
Who gives a crap about this mutual friend? This is between you and him, not this mutual friend. You have to stop giving yourself excuses to keep him around because you're allowing him to stay in contact with you.

[Asker]

You are right. I need to ask him to stop with the "good morning love" texts and all day messaging. Our mutual friend has a destination event coming up in the Caribbean in 4 weeks. We will all be there so I hope to be rud if this problem before that trip.

[CallmeTheKnight]

At this point either he gets with you or he leaves you alone. Your friend has nothing to do with this decision you need to make, so stop bringing them up. It doesn't matter where they are going in X amount of time, deal with the problem or you're gonna be irritated some more

[Asker]

Yes, I said that above. Before we all go on the trip. Thank you.

[Guy13]

Why men continue to contact women: Some guys do it to play with your head as a Power thing. Some guys do it as a "anything but out of my life" ploy. Some guys sincerely want to be friends... play on the co-ed pitch without issues. Some guys are insecure Narcissists of the Selfie-Generation and enjoy the Attention and controlling much more than love or potential friendship-Toxic...

[Straight2thepoint]

This question is fairly easy to answer. People, female or male do the same drama. Either you are causing it to yourself, or that person has a Psychological problem. You need to keep written records, and pictures. Alert a friend or family. If this person continues and steps out of your comfort. Print out images and your written dates and times he or she is annoying you. Show it to them. Tell them your concerns. Don't be snotty, but smooth and firm.

[ChillaxingLove]

. If seeing him to much hurts you then set boundaries, and make it clear. And if you absolutely really can’t be around him because you like him that much then its obvious you can’t be friends and you need to end the relationship.

[Nik1hil]

if we stay in contact she will not want us, and we can chase her endlessly, if we go out of contact she will contact us and want us, and since we do not want her, we cannot have her chasing us like a crazy stalker..

[Faithfully]

He’s either very oblivious to what he’s doing or he’s being shitty and stringing you along. Hard to tell without knowing more about him

[User3191989]

Well, we can be "just friends", right?

LMAO

[Anonymous]

I think he just see's as a really close friend, and nothing more, or he would have made a move on you romantically.

[Asker]

No real moves. Holding hands. Kisses on cheek. Calling me love. But no making out or sex.

[maximumpower]

ask HIM, not a bunch of random strangers online...
big hint: not all men act like that.