Have you ever lied about being a cheater due to pressure?

[Anonymous]

So I need advice, I asked my husband during a really emotional conversation to be honest about any past situations he kept from me to help us move on and to help him clear his guilt.

He said he would be honest with me but that it's really scary for him due to having done things he is not proud of and feels were deal breakers.

He started off by telling me he cheated on me, looked at me with hurt angry eyes and waited for me to say something and I told him okay, what happened in a really calm voice.

This was all before being married so I was clear with him that we both messed up being young and inexperienced in relationships he knew everything about me but I didn't know much about what went on with him. I was also away a lot so it was a half long distance relationship in our teens.

He then told me that he lied it's not true he didn't cheat that he was testing me.

This really made me confused as to why he would even say that in general I was really clear about being open to hear him without judgment.

Then he went on to tell me the things he didn't tell me which to me where pretty basic stuff and honestly wished he would have just told me back then. It was not a deal breaker just something we could have worked on.

So I need feedback on if anyone has ever lied about being a cheater or said something shitty just to see a reaction. Is this plausible or did you actually chest and just were to scared to talk about it?

(Side note he said he was willing to take a Polygraph to prove he was lying about cheating. Honestly I am unsure how accurate they are and I just want him to be real with me so we can at least get some marriage counseling to help us see what went wrong and how we can move on.)

[God_of_Thunder]

I never have, nor ever would, lie about something like that.

If someone were pressuring me to admit something that wasn't true, then I would tell them the truth; that I have never cheated.

If, for whatever reason, they did not believe me, and kept asking/insisting that I tell them something false, then I would break up with them, and leave, before I ever lied about it.

[Asker]

There was no pressure and cheating was not even brought up by me.

I told him he could just be open with me when he was ready.

He was the one to bring me to talk and told me he was going to open up.

I don't know if it matters but he is bipolar.

[God_of_Thunder]

Oh, I understand that, sorry. I think that was just a little of my personal history seeping into my response.

I only meant to convey that I don't understand why anyone would lie about cheating, ever, under any circumstances. Maybe his bipolar disorder had something to do with it, but I suppose it would depend on his specific brand of bipolarmania.

Unfortunately, I can't offer you an explanation, but if I were in your position, I would be deeply suspicious. That's just not something that should be lied about.

[Asker]

No worries I understand, it's just really conflicting never knowing up from down. Just need to So I need advice, I asked my husband during a really emotional conversation to be honest about any past situations he kept from me to help us move on and to help him clear his guilt.

He said he would be honest with me but that it's really scary for him due to having done things he is not proud of and feels were deal breakers.

He started off by telling me he cheated on me, looked at me with hurt angry eyes and waited for me to say something and I told him okay, what happened in a really calm voice.

This was all before being married so I was clear with him that we both messed up being young and inexperienced in relationships he knew everything about me but I didn't know much about what went on with him. I was also away a lot so it was a half long distance relationship in our teens.

He then told me that he lied it's not true he didn't cheat that he was testing me.

This really made me confused as to why he would even say that in general I was really clear about being open to hear him without judgment.

Then he went on to tell me the things he didn't tell me which to me where pretty basic stuff and honestly wished he would have just told me back then. It was not a deal breaker just something we could have worked on.

So I need feedback on if anyone has ever lied about being a cheater or said something shitty just to see a reaction. Is this plausible or did you actually chest and just were to scared to talk about it?

(Side note he said he was willing to take a Polygraph to prove he was lying about cheating. Honestly I am unsure how accurate they are and I just want him to be real with me so we can at least get some marriage counseling to help us see what went wrong and how we can move on.)

feedback to try to be open to the possibility that he could be just to scared to be honest or he simply was acting on impulsivity and his response in general was due to his mania.

[Asker]

He definitely was going through mania in that moment. He is really determined to find a good Polygrapher being he wants to prove he never cheated and does not know how else to resolve the situation.

Thank you for your feedback overall, just trying to understand him.

[Asker]

Lol sorry I tried to cut the response in half and ended up attaching the story.

Either way just thanks. Your feedback helps.

[jayhams]

Sounds like a mess of distrust on both sides. If he trusted you he wouldn't of "tested" you. Just all around immature behavior. I think you should focus more on the behavior as a whole and not just the context. He probably either did it to see if you would say that you cheated too or he cheated in the past and decided to act like he didn't based on your reaction.

[Asker]

There was no reaction from me, he also knows everything about me I have never lied to him. That's more of a personal choice of mine then it is a relationship thing. I don't believe lying makes things better not even white lies.

He has been building up trust with me due to past occurrences where their was poor communication and him acting impulsively.

He has become a better person overall and being open and honest has always been a difficult thing for him as he doesn't trust people in general.

I also never brought up cheating so I thought he was being honest that's why it's confusing why he would say that in a serious conversation that he brought me out of to sit and listen to him.

[jayhams]

Sounds like he was hoping you would say you cheated as well so he could be comfortable being honest about his cheating.

[Asker]

I honestly don't think that was the situation, I think he expected me to freak out and get angry. He is really horrible with confrontation.

He is also bipolar.