Husband has a chequered history with female colleagues and has now hired drop dead gorgeous assistant manager, it's driving me insane? What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Married almost 19 years. 9 weeks into our marriage husband was tempted to cheat with an ex who was back in the country on vacation. Basically he was out with his best friend, met her in a pub, ended up going back to a house with her till 5 in the morning. When he came home I had a strong feeling he hadn't been at his friends house like he said, so checked phone and there were missed calls and messages from friend saying please go home, please you are married. My heart sank. Asked him the next morning, continued to lie, told him I knew the truth, and had called his best friend who said yes they were flirting with each other and he did beg him not to go in the taxi with her. Well he did, and spent about 4 hours with her. Told me they chatted, nothing else. I couldn't prove otherwise. But I did make him leave for a week while I decided what to do. Decided to give things a go and try move on. A few things though. One, about a year into our marriage he said he was going out to meet his friend, just again got that feeling he was lying. So again checked phone and low and behold messages inviting him for drinks from a woman he knew through an ex colleague. Barely knew this woman but they apparently bumped into each other that day. So, his messages back to her were deleted, questioned this, and he played dumb, said he didn't meet her. Wasn't happy but tried to not dwell. Then a case of colleague mentionitious, like couldn't talk about her enough. She was the dogs danglers and all that malarkey. So of course it made me a little uncomfortable. Particularly when they were away at a work conference with dozens of colleagues and they decided to have drinks a dinner alone. I hit the roof when he got home and demanded to see his coded work phone. Many messages with flirty undertones from her, ie selfies inviting him for drinks when in our town Then another colleague who he hid friendship from me. And now the insanely hot assistant. What do I do? So many lies over the years

[FilmGuy93]

Yuck, I'm so sorry you're going through this situation. This kind of thing is exactly why I let the women in my life gatekeep my other female relationships.

The best advice I could give is to say that you should just keep your eye on the situation and make sure that her and your husband's behaviors don't get too friendly.

[Asker]

Thank you. But I feel horrible even having to keep an eye. It's exhausting at this point for me

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds like you have some trust issues that are completely warranted given his past history. It also sounds like he does absolutely nothing to help the situation and provide you with the peace of mind that he is not being shady.

With those two things in mind, it sounds like the relationship/marriage is not a great one. Sorry to say that but it is what I am seeing from my point of view. Trust is so important at any level of a relationship, be it dating to married. If you don't have that, this sort of thing happens and the mind tends to wander aimlessly to all sorts of conclusions.

Now, there is very little you can do about who he hires. Perhaps she was the most qualified candidate. Would that be my first thought? Nope, but it could be completely true.

I think the only thing you can really do at this point is address the real problem, which is trust. Honestly, it might take some counseling after 19 years of this sort of problem.

[Asker]

Apologies I just spotted a typo on my part, we are married almost 10 years, not 19. Yes I am thinking counselling to assist with the trust issue which is very real for me. Thank you for your input

[Anonymous]

Put Life360 on his phone. That will show you where he’s at at all times. Just don’t tell him your doing it. Make sure no notifications can get to his phone from the app, but then if you see he’s out at an unknown place then flat out ask him and if he denies it then go to your screenshots and have real evidence. Do you guys have kids together? Being married that long I’d think their might be but some people don’t want kids so that’s why I’m asking.

[musafir611]

Firstly checking his phone is your own breech of trust but it sounds like you and he need some counseling. Secondly God hates divorce but he gives a exception if your heart is hardened because of marital unfaithfulness. I hope you guys make things work and come to God for your marriage to make it strong

[Sasha0426]

Oh, go fuck yourself and this God shit. You hypocrites do the same exact shit.

[Sasha0426]

And not to mention you beat your wives and they get told to stay and “work things out.” So fuck off 🙄

[Keishio]

Why are you even still there after the first time he cheated? He didn't even come clean and you let it go which only showed him that he can lie and you don't even have to believe him for him to get away with it. You keep rolling over and then seem surprised that he keeps walking all over you.

[SphynxUK]

Why are with him if he’s a liar and a cheat?
And why are you looking through his phone? If you want the juicy details, speak to the woman in question because he will never admit things. And why should he when you just turn the other way?

[sheenagwapa]

you know what prepare yourself if yoy will still be with this person chances are he will not change and so you will gwt older always having heartache and headache. in short you will just be wastinh your life

[itsalyssaagain]

There’s nothing you can do. If a guy wants to cheat he will cheat. Just don’t make it easy for him I guess. But that’s why it’s important to marry the right guy.

[Anonymous]

Should have left long time ago. It’s not going to change. You’re enabling it by taking him back. It just proves to him that you’ll take him back no matter what because you already have.

[Guy13]

Oh my, he sounds a little narcissistic because no one in his position is that dumb…

[bamesjond0069]

I'd either just suck it up and be a woman who turns a blind eye and let it go. Or leave him. One or the other. Bouncing back and forth with accepting something just provides drama and turmoil.

[PatriceONeal]

Maybe you shouldn't have let yourself go. He wouldn't look elsewhere if he got what he wanted at home.

[Asker]

How am I to blame? Aged 40, size 6 (euro), naturally pretty, funny, not to mention intelligent and very well educated. So, please, enlighten me, how am I to blame?

[serious_miss419]

Girl if you’re all that, why are you to stay. Love and live your life for you on your terms. 💪

[PatriceONeal]

It's probably the education. More education the woman has, the more likely she is to divorce.

[Asker]

OK, so let me get this straight. Being educated is a problem? So, initially you suggested I 'let myself go', when corrected on this, you then blamed my education and intelligence. Am I correct? Fucking hell, are you actually serious? Please do us all a favour, give your head a good wobble and piss off.

[PatriceONeal]

No thanks. You sound like a lovely woman.🤣

[Anonymous]

Trick him into thinking you're letting him do a threesome with you and another girl, but it's really a tranny with a huge cock and you tie him up and make him take it up the ass. Video the whole thing and use it as blackmail.

[KrakenAttackin]

Sounds like you need to work harder to keep his attention.

[TheMoreMiffed]

You should leave him

[In_Trance]

Get therapy