What did he mean?

[Anonymous]

I told the guy I have feelings for I'd knock anyone out that messes with him. He laughed and said no you wouldn't you're too sweet and pure you'd feel bad the moment you'd try and than told me I'm cute.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well... I can tell you what happened here.

So you saying you'd "knock anyone out that messes with him"... well... it short-circuited his brain for a second or two. I know that because I just had the exact same reaction myself when I read it in your question.

Basically it's an incongruency.

A guy does NOT expect a girl to say something like that as a way to express her feelings of affection and protection.

Honestly, it was weird to read. It really didn't..."compute" right away. I did not know how to interpret or react to that. (in a way that... I can't remember ever experiencing before to tell you the truth).

It's partly the sheer surprise that a girl just said that, followed by it seeming "wrong and confusing" that she just did. You understand intellectually the sentiment you're trying to get across... but there's a whole lot more going on in the reaction.

It's like it short-circuits every gender-norm ideas we've all been socialized with.

Maybe an analogy would be: Let's say someone pulled a knife on you and your man. Let's say he let out a high-pitched shriek before running away from the danger (leaving you to wonder what in the fuck just happened).

It's a similar type of shock in the unexpectedness of it... and how even after you 'realize' what you just saw... you're left... not really knowing what to say/do/feel exactly about the fact that your man just shrieked like a girl and run away like a coward (leaving you in danger by the way).

You're left there not knowing what to say about... something that seems so incongruent with with all of your unspoken assumptions about being a man.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm NOT "one of those guys". I HATE "those guys" who talk about all the gender roles and shit. You'll never hear the words "alpha" or "beta" come out of my mouth. All of that stuff is silly. Fuck I hate how much I sound like one of those asshats right now. I'm really not on team-idiot.)

But this is on like a super basic level. The level of "which one of you is in-charge of physical defense."

So, basically... he didn't quite know how to react, because he was left stupefied by what you just said for the reasons I just explained.

I think he actually did a very good job on-the-fly in how he reacted.

You said something that shattered some of his most basic, deep and fundamental ideas about gender roles.

So... what did he do?

He said..."no... I don't think so. you're way too PURE and SWEET to do that. You'd feel badly afterwards (because you're AGREEABLE).

He stuffed-your-ass right back into that gender role you just tried to pop-out of.

You said "It's not only the man who fights"

He short-circuited for a second because that didn't compute.

Then came back with "Awww baby, you're not remembering how delicate sweet and kind you are. You're so cute sometimes."

It was subconscious. And it was like a self-defense move on his part.

He didn't know WHAT to do with what you just said. He was thrown off-balance by it. So he said..."no no... girls are "pure" and "cute"... then told you how pure and cute you were (when... objectively... you were showing no signs of either of those traits at the time)

Now, If... I can give you a bit of unsolicited advice...

In general... a guy doesn't WANT a girl who'd knock-out anyone that messes with him.

I can't speak for every guy I guess, but I'm pretty confident what I'm saying applies to most guys.

It's just not the compliment you're intending it to be for a guy. It doesn't convey the affection and protection that you're intending it to. That's not how a guy is going to "hear" that.

I honestly, have used the term "the kind of girl who... would try and jump-in if her boyfriend got in a fight"... to describe a type that I find especially off-putting and unattractive. Whenever I've said that, the guys I said it to knew just the type I'm talking about.

Just... make sure that he wants the kinda girl who'll knock someone out for them. Most guys actively DO NOT want that. Just throwing it out there. Again, I'm not trying to speak for ALL guys... but in general, guys don't want you to show your affection and protective instincts in such a distinctly masculine way.

[spartan55]

He was making fun of you trying to act tough.