My supervisor and best friend refused to accept my certificate for best paper because he didn't want his work 'wife' to get jealous. Did I overreact?

[Anonymous]

Basically the question above. So this guy had been my friend for 10 years now. He was my friend before he became my supervisor. Anyways I am extremely loyal to him. Sometimes I hate myself for all the sacrifices I make to support and help him at work and his life. He asks too much of ne but I never say no. I can't bring myself to do it. He needs me to write a report for him check, do research for him.. check, transfer money to him.. check, listen to his problems.. check.

He has a work 'wife', not his actual wife. So when I got an award for best presentation of my research, I wanted to share it with him. I was proud and I thought he would be proud too. But he refused to take it because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings and she might start gossiping. I got angry and told him what about my feelings? He felt that I am overreacting and started laughing. I got more mad.

I was hurt. A lot. Did I overreact?

[PrettyPriya]

I think the main point here is everyone needs to put the friendships aside and realise this is a workplace. There should not be favourites or trying to save someones feelings. It is (I assume) a professional setting. Everyone should act accordingly.

That means you as well though. I am not totally following the significance of the events with the award you got. I think as an outsider, some context as to why this is important and why you feel he should have acted different might be of some value.

He shouldn't have a work wife or whatever the heck that means. I don't know that term. In the end, personal feelings should be left out of the workplace. That is why so many business disallow relationship between coworkers. It is for this very reason.

While I am not suggesting you are in a relationship as you clearly state, it isn't much different. There is a friendship which certainly can be viewed as a non romantic relationship. This is the sort of problems it can create. Whether he acted wrong or not, I think you should drop it out of professionalism.

[Asker]

I agree. He is my PhD supervisor. He should have accepted the certificate as my supervisor. Sorry for lack of context. He normally displays his students' work in his office. So I wanted to share with him my certificate to display. He refused because he didn't want to make her jealous. A work spouse or work wife is someone you share a special relationship with at work. I just got mad because I do everything for him. I never refuse anything. Why would he refuse to display my work because someone might get jealous. He even sometimes refuses to meet me for my PhD because she might get jealous.

[PrettyPriya]

Okay, so definitely on him for treating you different. Really, it is about treating this "work wife" different from the rest. It sounds like he is protecting her feelings by not putting your work on display. That is on him and not professional.

However, you have to also not let emotions get the better of you. You need to tell yourself that he is in the wrong and I am not going to let it affect me.

[Asker]

Yes you are right. Thing is he is being paid to supervise me. He does not meet me when she is around. He makes me wait to discuss my research until she is gone.

Thanks for the advice.

[PrettyPriya]

You're welcome. What he is doing isn't right, but such is life when there is someone above you.

[Anonymous]

Ew. You deserve better. Start matching everyone's energy. Dont people please. Dont do too much for others who won't bat an eyelash for you

[Asker]

I do. I didn't ask him to do anything that was considered wrong or shameful. I just wanted to share my success with him. He displays her research but not mine. He is the unprofessional person not me.

[Opinion Owner]

Your in denial and I will call you out because I care. Re read your post of how you literally cater to a ain't shit of a man. You do everything a lap dog is to do (dont mean to name call) WAKE UP!! You shared your success with him and he kept things under wrapped. Dont sleep with this man. You'll regret it. I never said you were unprofessional. But have more self respect for yourself dont let people treat you any other way than you deserve. IF you did you wouldn't be on GAG complaining about it

[Guy13]

Congratulations on your Accomplishment !! Yeah, I think you overreacted AND that he has TWO Work Wives he is looking out for.

He had both you and his best interest at heart. There is already Partiality, given you two have a "best Wifey-Friend" Situationship happening, in the workplace. He refused to create a situation where it looked like the Staff believed Partiality/Favoritism was accurate.

He is a great friend

[SnowedIn]

Yes. You overreacted. Your feelings are 100% valid but getting mad was not.

[Asker]

I overreacted after he invalidated my feelings instead of talking. When I explained I was hurt he laughed and changed the subject.

[SnowedIn]

I understand that. And your feelings were/are valid. But the bottom line is that your reaction was an overreaction.

But, the larger point I think is that you have a messed up relationship at work and you need to fix it.

[Asker]

Extremely mixed up and complicated. I agree. He affects me a lot.

[SnowedIn]

I'm sorry... that's not a nice way to have to work.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker. He has the hots for this other girl and he knows he won't get anywhere with you. He has had to make a choice.

[KrakenAttackin]

Yes you overreacted and the other girl is only using your "friend" as a SIMP. Go get a real job.

[Asker]

Actually he is not my boss. He is only my phd advisor. I am a director and a lecturer. He is a lecturer in another department Our jobs are not interrelated at all.

[boggboss]

Do u loke hime more then a friend?

[Asker]

Sometimes yes. He knows it. He uses it. I am aware of how he uses my feelings. But I can't stop it.

[boggboss]

Then thats your own fault why do u expect him to not act like this when u know he uses your feelings so yes u over reacted he is a shit and your a fool

[Asker]

I just wanted to be treated fairly like his other students. I just wanted him to display my certificate like he does with others. I just want to meet him in his office without him telling me not to come because she is there. He is paid to supervise me, feelings aside.

[boggboss]

Yet he knows u have feelings so its unprofessional from both sides as if others also know he can be accused of treating u differently again u are both silly its not that u wanted to be treated fairly u was jelouse that he cared for her feelings over u

[In_Trance]

gong show; get the hell out of there