For the past 1 year plus, it seems like this shy guy at the gym likes me. He shows all the signs (checking me out when he thinks I'm not looking, hovering around me, getting nervous when I'm around, smiling at me from across the room) but he NEVER starts a conversation with me. I see him on average 2-3x per month. I am kind of shy around guys as well, and my personality is more reserved and quiet. I talk to mainly a few other female friends at the gym. I thought I'd give him a nudge, so initially I'd go up to him and ask him questions about the gym, and would be all smiley and kind. I realized later this was probably not clear enough for him, while he seemed really happy when I talked to him.
To make a long story short, in the summer, it seemed like he was trying to make me jealous by flirting with this girl who was hitting on him at the gym. When he noticed, I was visibly hurt he then stopped talking to her altogether later basically. I then upped my flirting a notch with him the next time (sweetly) I approached him, he basically blushed, looked down and then made a sweet, flirty comment back. And then after that nothing. He still NEVER talks to me, not a hello, not a how are you. Nothing. Except a deer-in-headlights look across the room at me, or at other times, at best, staring and smiling at me from across the room. When I enter the gym, his demeanour changes, and he gets happier when I am there, he''s more nervous. It seems like he's waiting for me to talk to him and approach him.
At this point (1 year plus), I think it's just weird now that he can't talk to me AT ALL. While otherwise, he is a social guy and talks to other people at the gym or in the fitness classes. When I was in high school, even 14 year old guys that liked me, knew they needed to talk to me at least a little bit.
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It seems there's a current trend going around where men are vilified for looking at women at the gym. Despite your history with him, he may be afraid you see him that way, now that the trend is popular. It could also be that he has feelings towards you- that you're somehow sacred, meaning he can risk rejection from other women at the gym but if he were to be direct with you, and get rejected, it may hurt him more than he thinks it will. There's also the potential of him already being in a relationship, but since there's some sort of connection between you two, he can't fully engage. It also falls back to my previous point of other gym women being not worthy of cheating but because you have slightly more history, he could see himself cheating for you. Either way, there's a lot of unknown so it's best to get more Intel on his boundaries before you decide to make a move or not.
I think you're on to something when you said he has feelings for me but is wary of rejection from me. I also agree that his behaviour could also mean he is in a relationship already, however, I am fairly certain he is not. I am also starting to wonder if he is just bread crumbing me... I've noticed a pattern where if I don't attend his class for several weeks (there are various classes at the gym), he'll come and "find me", by attending another class I'm in or showing up at the gym early, and watch me, stare at me from across the room, or plant himself by me (e. g., sit by the gym exit (which is an unusual thing to do) so I have to pass him on my out, but he had his head down texting). And then as soon as I return to his class again, he seems super happy to see him and in between, I don't see him around the gym at all again.
I attended a class of his recently after several weeks, and afterwards, he went around giving a light fist bump to everyone (this is typical of all instructors), and I didn't see him and was stretching, and he went out of his way to crouch all the way down for me... It was like almost flirting lol, because he seemed too shy or something to make eye contact. Any further thoughts on this?
No. Just going off your age i' going to assume he's of similar age. At this age guys are done with the games of females. You probably are breadcrumbing him or that's definitely how it looks. Either he's not interested or you simply are NOT showing any real interest. Get real! Make your feelings known or get lost. Or expect this no man's land you feel you're in to continue.
I am 36 (but have been told I look younger, like 29-30), he's 27. I'm not sure what you mean by bread crumbing. I don't talk to any other guys at the gym like I do with him. If I don't talk to him or start a conversation with him, then we don't talk at all. I would think at some point over the past year, that he'd wonder, Oh, how is my day going or even to ask about my workout as some starting point of a conversation. I feel like he's so nervous around me and just wants me to chase him the whole time because he's insecure.
Well if that's what you think you should probably just save yourself both the time and hassle and mess with some guys you have some respect for.
I don't know what you mean, when you infer I was messing with him or bread crumbing him? Going up to a guy, talking to him, trying to get to know him... to me that is a sign of showing interest in someone...
It was just a possibility. I also said he might just not be interested. You automatically jump straight to "insecure".
Look you're considerably older then him. I didn't have that bit of info at the start of your question. It most likely gives him pause to wonder what your game is. You probably don't come off as very warm to him. Either you're playing dumb or you don't get how exploitive your gender can be. Yeah I'm sure he does enjoy the attention. But he's also wary of it. All you can do at this point is be patient and warm and show you're really a decent woman. Or not, and confirm his suspicions. But as I said all this hinges on he's interested in the first place. I'm assuming you're not just misreading him.